And if earlier everything unexpected happened, then in our time this is not relevant. Both parties agree on a meeting in advance, discuss the details and often even prepare a script, it can be long, based on the characters, or a short script, so that the matchmaking does not take place in the format of boring gatherings at the table; many people like some cool scenario for this holiday.
Best days to get engaged
It all started with choosing the right date. The best day for engagement or matchmaking of the year was considered the Feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, October 14th. Or any other day on the waxing moon . We never got married on Wednesday or Friday; the thirteenth day of each month was also considered unlucky. May, in order not to suffer later in marriage, was also not suitable for a wedding agreement. And, of course, during the fasts preceding the main church holidays, matchmakers were not sent either. All these signs can be used now to make the marriage strong.
The door must be immediately closed behind the matchmakers so that a random person who came would not jinx the matter. The guests sat down at the table, trying to take seats opposite the door - this was the key to a successful solution to the issue. Guests could be treated to whatever was available in the house. But according to one of the superstitions, matchmakers were not allowed to drink, otherwise the couple’s children would grow up to be drunkards.
Competitions and tasks
The groom is offered tasks like hammering a nail or screwing in a light bulb.
Previously, even if the groom satisfied the bride's parents in everything, they never immediately agreed. According to the rules of decency, it was necessary to stall for time and “raise the price.” Now this behavior is also quite appropriate, otherwise the joke immediately comes to mind: The bride’s mother instructs her father that when the groom comes, don’t even think about throwing yourself on his neck and shouting “You are our Savior.”
Nowadays they often make presentations about the bride, for example, how she washes the dishes, cleans, irons clothes, cooks a cake, sews, vacuums. This is done in order to show the “product”. Of course, the presentation is just another convention, but it is very appropriate for the variety of a festive evening. Many people do this simply in words, praising their daughter.
It is better to prepare toasts for matchmaking in advance. Parents can remember the bride and groom as children, perhaps even show photos of them. You can tell matchmakers about family values, love and friendship. The future spouses themselves should talk more about their parents, about the matchmakers, and words of gratitude and declarations of love are best left for the wedding, except for the moment when the groom turns to the bride’s parents and asks them for her hand in marriage. When the parents place the bride's hand in the groom's hand, this means their consent to the marriage.
Refusal and consent in matchmaking
If the parents were not ready to give their daughter in marriage or considered the groom an unsuitable match, their refusal was never direct. Only excuses that no one would accept as a serious reason under normal circumstances. But in this way the girl’s parents made it clear that the conspiracy would not take place.
But if the groom was given a positive answer, then a bridesmaid ceremony was scheduled. On this day, the girl was dressed in her best dress, she herself prepared a meal for the matchmakers and had to go out to the guests with her face hidden under a veil. And the first person who could evaluate the appearance of the future daughter-in-law was the groom’s father.
However, the matter, of course, was not limited to food and a clean house. And if during matchmaking the parents had questions, then it was the matchmakers’ turn.
They asked the girl questions about housekeeping and asked her to do some work as proof. Don't think that the girl had no choice at all. In the event that she did not like the groom, she could leave the guests and take off her festive dress in a secluded place, changing into a regular one.
If this did not happen, and the matchmakers were satisfied with everything, then the groom was brought a drink. Having drunk everything, he admitted that he was not against tying the knot.
Our ancestors had such matchmaking traditions, and we think they were wonderful. And how to properly match a bride in our time, we will find out further.
Where to hold matchmaking?
Matchmaking does not have to be held at home, now people don’t really like home gatherings, some cozy cafes or restaurants will do, so the groom should ask the bride what her parents think about this and discuss the choice of place in advance.
After the presentation of gifts, everyone moves on to the feast. Many people traditionally bake a loaf of bread for matchmaking on the part of the groom, which is used to greet the matchmakers and which becomes a table decoration. During the feast, the wedding itself, its date, choice of location, and other important details are discussed.
In order to add a touch of variety and fun to matchmaking, it is recommended to hold several competitions and small tasks.
LiveInternetLiveInternet
https://homesovety.ru/primet/825-33-narodnyx-svadebnyx-primety-i-obychaya.html
The word “sign” comes from the word “to notice”, i.e. observe. Many wedding signs have come down to us from time immemorial without losing their meaning. In order for a marriage to be happy, our ancestors believed in many signs: what time is best to have a wedding, what to avoid so as not to harm the newlyweds, how to protect them from an unkind look, evil intentions, etc. Signs of matchmaking The main characters in the matchmaking ritual are not even the future bride and groom, but the matchmaker and the matchmaker. After all, the success of almost the entire enterprise as a whole depends on the matchmaker. As they marry, so life will go. Rituals associated with matchmaking were given great importance. All weddings began
precisely from the troubles of a matchmaker or matchmaker. And therefore, matchmakers had to perfectly know all the rituals and customs associated with matchmaking and weddings. They needed this knowledge in order to behave correctly during matchmaking. • Traditionally, before the matchmakers were sent to the bride's house, they were seated on a chair in the groom's house and all four legs of the chair were tied with a sash in order to better tie the wedding together. Without fail, they threw a worn bast shoe at the matchmakers’ back, and it was necessary that the bast shoe was not just worn, but worn to holes. It was then that everything should have worked out and been a great success. When the matchmaker or matchmaker went “on business,” they first had to kneel in front of the icon of the Mother of God, wipe it with a clean towel and read the wedding plot three times. • Having come to the house of the bride’s parents with the proposal “You have a product, we have a merchant,” the matchmakers had to sit opposite the door, so that their feet were on the floorboard leading straight to the exit from the house. This was a guarantee that the matchmaking would be successful. • It was not customary to start talking about the wedding right away. Having started from afar, it was necessary to gradually move on to the main subject - matchmaking. If the groom did not suit the bride’s parents (no one even thought of asking her consent), then they politely made it clear that the match was unsuitable. For example, they said that the girl was not yet old enough, or came up with some other excuse. Some did not bother themselves with explanations, but simply put a pumpkin in the matchmakers’ cart - this made it very clear that they considered the groom unsuitable. • Well, if the parents agreed to give up their “goods” for the “merchant,” then a long meeting took place, rather for the sake of appearances, as a result of which a decision was made on the wedding date. After this, a bridesmaid ceremony was held, the bride was shown to the matchmaker (matchmaker) so that they could evaluate all her advantages (and disadvantages), sometimes the groom himself was present at the bridegroom ceremony. • When you go to your future daughter-in-law to woo your son, let your son come in first. He does not take off his hat in front of the matchmakers until they are seated at the table. If one of the matchmakers manages to take a spoon from the bride’s house, then the son will be the master of the house and his wife will never leave him. Three months after their wedding, the spoon must be thrown into the bride’s house. • They do not match on Wednesday and Friday. This is due to the fact that Wednesday and Friday are fast days. On the one hand, it is inappropriate to think about matchmaking on the day of fasting; on the other hand, if matchmakers come, problems arise with food, which can also affect the outcome of negotiations. (Fasting on these days is commanded because on Wednesday Judas betrayed Jesus, and on Friday Christ was crucified). • The matchmaker came to hand-shake - the door was hooked. As soon as the matchmaker or the matchmaker with the groom's relatives enter the house of the bride's parents, the door is immediately closed with a hook - so that a person who accidentally enters does not jinx the matter. • The bridegroom should not sit in the bride's house. If he sits down, it won’t work. They also say that if the in-laws are imprisoned, then the young people’s children will be “seduns” and will get back on their feet late. If he agrees to drink, then his children will grow up to be drunkards. If they persuade her to eat, then the children will suffer from gluttony. • The last step on the way to the wedding was engagement. The parents blessed the young people, and they bowed three times before the images. As a sign of consolidation of consent to marriage, the senior elder tied the hands of the young people with a towel, the bride gave everyone scarves, woven fabric or shirts. • You need to get married in April, before the last day. The advice and sign is based on the fact that getting married in May means “toiling for the rest of your life.” Its roots go back to the times when May was firmly associated with the sowing season. However, even now May matchmaking and weddings are an advantage of the city, but not the village. However, there are many May weddings, and they are not always unlucky. • “To avoid quarrels in the future, a young wife, entering her husband’s house, breaks a plate. Then they step over the pieces together.” This tradition probably goes back to the days when the bride broke the pot. If it was broken, it means the bride is chaste, but if not, it means she didn’t protect herself. When is the best time to get married? Many people ask themselves the question: when to get married? How to choose a wedding date? What's the best time to get married? There is no definite answer to these questions; it all depends on you. But if you still want to somehow decide, then here are some folk signs associated with the wedding date: 1. If the wedding took place on the 13th, then the marriage will be unhappy, and if on 3, 5, 7, 9, then happy. 2. Marriages concluded in the afternoon are considered more successful. 3. Misfortune will befall a young couple who announce their upcoming marriage at the end of one quarter of the year and get married at the beginning of the next. 4. Wednesday and Friday are considered unfavorable days for marriage. But here are the signs that are noticed on the wedding day: 1. When buying wedding rings, without entering the house with the rings, you need to say: “For a good life, for a faithful family. Amen". 2. If the bride was given roses, then the bride herself should cut off all the thorns with scissors. Be careful not to inject yourself. 3. The bride's dress should be with long sleeves and a closed back, long and without flowers, boutonnieres at the waist. Warn all relatives and future guests not to give piercing or cutting objects. If the bride's hem breaks during the wedding, the bride herself does not hem it. 4. Young people are seated at the table on a shaggy fur coat or sheepskin coat, with the fur turned outward. To live richly. So that young people always have money, they read the conspiracy: “Money, money, flow like a river, be in the pockets of God’s servants (names), so that they can have it until the end of their days and live richly and in abundance. The word is a key-lock.” It is read at sunrise by the bride and groom three times on the eve of the wedding, after the wedding - at sunrise it is read by them once. 5. On the wedding day, it is good to plant a tree for the bride and groom. Plant so that the trees begin to grow. 6. When leaving the church after the wedding, the bride gives out change in order to remove unnecessary troubles in her family life. 7. During a wedding, when the crowns are on or above the head, the newlyweds should not look into each other’s eyes: there will be infidelity. They also don’t look at their candles. Look at Father. Wedding towels and candles are not left in church. Hidden at home - it will definitely come in handy. 8. So that the young people do not quarrel, they say on their cutlery, before they sit down at the table: “Just as the church is unshakable and indestructible, faith is strong, mead is sweet, so would the slave (name) and the slave (name) be inseparable and unshakable . They couldn’t be without each other, they couldn’t live apart, not a day or an hour from this time, from the wedding table, as I, a slave (name of the master), read a hex. Amen. Amen. Amen". 9. In-laws don’t give salt - their children won’t live and will go their separate ways. 10. If at the wedding one of the young people steps first to the altar, he will be the head of everything. 11. At that moment when the young people kiss, the following words must be said, then the young people will not be torn apart by any separation slander: “As they look at the crosses on the holiday of Christ, so if the young people looked at each other, they would not have seen enough. Just as Christ loved his Mother of God, so a husband would love his wife, and a wife would love her husband. Amen". 12. The bread and salt with which parents will greet the newlyweds should not lie on the pure white part of the towel, but on its red ends, brought together (the middle of the towel will sag). The loaf with which the newlyweds are greeted cannot be bitten or broken; it can only be kissed three times. The loaf with which the newlyweds are greeted is not eaten by guests. If it is very large and cannot be eaten right away, dry the crackers and eat it with soup. Only the bride and groom eat the loaf. 13. Immediately after dividing the loaf (wedding cake), it is customary to perform the following ritual with the veil. The groom's mother approaches the newlyweds, removes the bride's veil and ties the attributes of the female lot: a headscarf and an apron. The veil is placed on the head of the young honorary witness, and she must wrap herself around herself three times. This ritual symbolizes the passing of the baton of life: it is assumed that it is the first witness who should marry next. After her, the veil is passed on to other girls participating in the wedding. They repeat the ritual. Then the groom's mother takes the veil and hangs it in the red corner under the icon. 14. During the wedding, the bride's shoes are stolen and a ransom is demanded for them. Holding the bride's shoe in your hands is a sign of good luck, since if the girl did not remain a wench, then she is lucky. 15. A wedding dress, veil, shoes are not rented or sold to anyone, therefore, if you have financial difficulties, then the dress should be made inexpensively or one that can be worn on holidays. 16. Dried wedding flowers are not stored. 17. To protect a young family from the evil eye, you should purchase in advance small icons of the Virgin Mary (for the bride) and Jesus Christ (for the groom) or personalized icons. On the wedding day, these icons must be hidden in the dresses of the newlyweds and left there until the end of the wedding celebration. 18. Previously, the husband took his wife in his arms and carried her into the house in order to deceive the brownie: supposedly the wife was not a stranger from another clan, but a born baby. Today this ritual has lost its original meaning, but the beautiful and pleasant tradition for the bride remains. May these folk traditions bring you happiness and love!
Preparation for carrying out the custom in our time
Currently, it is not so important how accurately all Old Russian customs and rituals are observed.
In many families, matchmaking is already closely intertwined with engagement. It is not so important what such a tradition is called. What plays a big role is how it will take place and what the matchmakers will say. In the old days, none of the young people made the decision about marriage on their own. This was the main task of the matchmaker. There were always matchmakers in the village who knew who was single in their settlement and was waiting for the next marriage.
As soon as a young man decided to marry, he informed his parents about it. Mom called a matchmaker into the house, who told them the possible options. At the same time, the matchmaker, as a rule, knew the bride’s family itself, pointing out their positive and negative sides. Thus, matching pairs were made.
In the first case, the groom's parents did not go to matchmaking because they were waiting for official consent from the bride's relatives. In the second case, the parents went with the groom to ask for the hand and heart of a beautiful girl.
Wedding signs about wedding rings
Young people choose wedding rings together, and the groom pays for them. Nowadays, rings can be completely different: twisted, patterned, with precious stones.
.There is only one condition - the rings must be made of yellow or white gold. If you still want a ring with stones, then remember:
- - amethyst is a symbol of sincerity,
- - carnelian brings happiness,
- - agate - longevity,
- - garnet and topaz - fidelity.
- - if you want to be loved passionately, the ring should be with a ruby,
- - if you crave happy love with an emerald,
- - if you hope for eternal love, then be sure to choose a diamond.
The bride should not wear anything gold on her wedding day except her wedding ring. And God forbid you from dropping your ring during the wedding ceremony.
The bride should be the first to step onto the carpet for painting and, after a moment, step on the groom’s foot. This needs to be done as if by accident, and then the future husband will obey you all his life.
You have the goods, we have the merchant!
As in the old days, the main phrase denoting the beginning of matchmaking is considered to be: “You have a product, we have a merchant!” The groom's relatives do their best to recommend him from the best side to his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. In order to add more zest and fun, adapted phrases are used like: “Come on, look at this handsome guy! The best employee of the month at MacDonald's!”, or “A smart guy, an excellent programmer and just a top manager, how can you not fall for him?!”
Having overcome all obstacles in the form of relatives and parents of the bride, the future husband is invited to find his betrothed. Usually the bride is hidden in one of the rooms of the house, after having been dressed in a beautiful dress. To add spice to the matchmaking scenario here, they also dress up the bride’s girlfriends and even friends, having made them up well. The groom must go around every corner of the house until he finds his beloved.
Before her father-in-law and mother-in-law, the girl is subjected to various tests to check whether she will be a good housewife for their son, whether she can lead a decent life. The groom's mother throws money on the floor and asks to see how she cleans up. The girl quickly collects coins and bills, and if her mother-in-law asks for money back, then of course she should not give it back.
Instead of this fun test, you can use a number of others. Having appreciated the thriftiness of the future daughter-in-law, the parents finally ask the girl herself if she agrees. Usually, people decide about matchmaking when everything has already been decided long ago, and all that remains is to pay tribute to traditions.
Having received formal consent, the future wife is given bread (or a loaf), which she must cut into four parts. There is a dilemma: who should give the piece first? Here the bride must first approach the guy’s parents, addressing them in a completely new way: “mom” and “dad.”
How to match a bride
In order to properly match the bride and make a good impression on her parents and relatives, you need to resort to the matchmaking ritual. We offer you some tips that will help you make this event fun and bright so that it will be remembered forever:
1. Hire a matchmaker
. With its help, the matchmaking ceremony will be more interesting and varied. Previously, most often, relatives from the groom’s side acted as matchmakers. They could invite an outsider for this role, with the condition that he can speak beautifully, has charm or charisma.
2. Conduct an acquaintance on your own in the form of a playful game
. In a playful manner, it is easier to establish contact and make friends with the parents of the future bride. Both the groom and the girl’s relatives will feel at ease.
3. Have a regular feast
. You can time it to coincide with some family or calendar holiday, for example, the New Year. Prepare in advance funny skits, jokes, pranks and topics for joint discussions, do not forget that conversation is the only form of establishing contact between future relatives.
4. Carry out matchmaking in the form of bargaining - buying a bride
. Today you can find a ransom script for every taste - humorous and classic, short and long. To create a fun atmosphere, you need to bargain, slightly lower the qualities of the groom and inflate the qualities of the bride.
After the matchmaking has been successful, you should warmly thank the beloved’s parents and the assembled guests.
What gifts should I bring?
Another mandatory point is gifts. They may be inexpensive, but the very fact of their availability is a must. Here are some ideas for the groom:
- A color for the future wife and her mother - and the mother’s bouquet should be even better than the daughter’s. You can give flowers to the mother of the groom, and in general to all the women who are invited. But this is no longer necessary.
- You can present your father with a bottle of good alcohol or another gift of your choice. If you know his hobbies and tastes, give him something that will please him and please him.
- Bring alcohol or unusual treats to the table. It can be sweet or not - decide according to the tastes and traditions of the bride’s family.
- You can present a general gift that will be useful in the house of the bride's parents. It is highly desirable that it be associated with family or comfort.
- Don't give gifts that are too practical, even if you know they are needed. No one will appreciate the set of tools that you brought on such a romantic and important day for families.
Matchmaking scenario
A correctly drawn up script guarantees a successful celebration and will bring a lot of pleasant emotions, which is why it is so important to pay attention to it. Here are the main stages of the event.
- The matchmakers arrive at the bride's house. They are greeted with songs and ditties.
- Relatives get to know each other. The groom gives the gifts he brought and treats his betrothed's parents to a loaf of bread.
- After introductions, guests are invited to a set table.
- The bride comes out to the guests, whose parents describe her positive qualities, praising their daughter in every possible way.
- At this stage, it is customary for the groom to confess his feelings to the bride and give her a ring.
- If the bride's parents agree to the marriage, then the matchmaking can be completed with fireworks and dancing.
What issues are discussed at matchmaking?
An organized meeting of families is considered the best option. It can take place either in the house of one of the future newlyweds, or on neutral territory: in a cafe or a small restaurant hall. During informal communication, it is worth discussing all the nuances of the upcoming celebration: the number of guests, places for the banquet, the number of cars in the motorcade. It is necessary to agree on the distribution of money spent on video and photography, the toastmaster and the host of the dance program.
The composition of the wedding menu should be calculated based on the financial capabilities of both parties, the number of guests, and whether anyone has special food preferences. Some at this meeting discuss housing issues - where the young family will live, what grandiose gifts parents can give to make it easier for them to live together.
Many couples organize not only matchmaking, but also engagement. Not only relatives, but also friends of the newlyweds gather at the party. The intention to get married is announced, invitations are distributed, indicating the date, time and place of the event. The groom presents the bride with a ring, which she must wear until the wedding. In addition, this decoration can be inherited by future generations. In the time remaining before the wedding, it is necessary to once again think carefully about everything and weigh how ready the young people are to start a family, live together, give birth and raise children.
Before preparing for the wedding, you should notify your parents about your upcoming plans, who will probably be delighted, because they have long been waiting for the legalization of the relationship and the further happy life of their now adult child.
Parents take care of their daughters more than their sons. The girl will become a mother and, of course, it is important for parents not only what kind of husband their daughter’s chosen one will be, but also how he can cope with the role of a father in the future. Meeting the groom with his family is an exciting event, because the daughter is getting married, and of course, she must receive her parents' blessing.
How to conduct a ritual in verse - script
Such a script can be found on special websites, or you can write it yourself according to the provided sample. The main thing that is required in this case is that the participants know the poems by heart and practice reciting them.
Here is one version of such a scenario:
The groom's side must prepare and learn the words. It’s not difficult at all, but the holiday will be more fun. Guests will be simply delighted. If the wedding is being held in a village, then it’s a good idea to find a cart and roll it to the bride’s place of residence. The groom stands on the cart at the gate and knocks loudly.
After this, the matchmaker continues.
The bride and her friends leave the house. The groom goes to choose a bride from a variety of girls and puts a ring on her finger. After that, he takes his beloved in his arms.
The bride's family invites everyone to the table. At the same time, the following congratulations are heard.
Here is another original and fun matchmaking scenario:
Modern matchmaking is simply an occasion for additional fun, artistry and creativity, a beautiful ceremony if thought through well. But did you have such a pre-wedding stage, and what do you remember most of all?
Pre-wedding signs for brides
If you sweep the floor unevenly, leave garbage behind, you will marry a pockmarked man. — The meaning of the belief is purely educational: with the help of such a tangible threat, they try to teach girls to clean the house cleanly.
In fact, if garbage is visible everywhere, then which of the guests would want to take such a girl as a wife? Unless “pockmarked” is the one whom no one marries.
There are so many wrinkles between the eyebrows, so many times to get married (or get married). - Most likely, the omen is of a humorous nature, warning against a gloomy frown.
If you shake the bread crumbs off the table, you won’t have any money and you’ll marry a bald man.
— This sign shows the attitude towards the table as one of the main symbols of the house (you must respect it, wash it after dinner, not wipe it), and towards bread as a deified product (you cannot throw away bread crumbs).
Who can be the groom's matchmaker?
Matchmakers on the groom's side do not have to be relatives. You can choose a close friend for the honorary role. The main requirement is a lively character, lack of excessive modesty and an excellent sense of humor, coupled with the ability to drink strong drinks. The words of the matchmakers on the part of the groom at the matchmaking may seem strange, outdated and even slightly provocative; it is important that the chosen person does not stammer or blush while making a speech.
There are also no age restrictions when choosing matchmakers. Young people, as a rule, are more “punchy” and persistent, they take things “impudently” and with courage. Older people may already know what to say to matchmakers and will quickly find a common language with the bride’s parents.
The groom was accompanied to the matchmaking by his father or godfather as moral support. It was not forbidden to choose a woman as a matchmaker, but a visit to the bride’s house should have looked random, as if “they were passing by” - they decided to look in, and then “a flower grew in the garden.” Therefore, it is not customary for a large and noisy crowd to come to matchmaking.
