Correct matchmaking scenario: actions on the part of the bride

Long tradition

Due to inexperience, many people believe that during matchmaking it is customary to make a marriage proposal and present a ring. Not at all. Today, the matchmaking ceremony is perceived as an acquaintance between the parents of the bride and groom. This ritual, in the modern sense, is a very important event for which the parties prepare in advance: future fathers-in-law and mother-in-law buy formal outfits, and fathers-in-law and mother-in-law set rich tables.

But before everything was completely different. Not only the groom’s relatives gathered for the matchmaking ceremony. For this action, matchmakers were hired, and important negotiations fell on their shoulders, for example, matchmakers discussed the size of the bride’s dowry.

As a rule, the appearance of matchmakers was unpredictable; no one could predict this event in advance. It was believed that the effect of spontaneity would not allow the bride’s family to hide their household, or, conversely, embellish it, and at the same time, the future bride.

And one more very important nuance. The decision about the upcoming wedding (whether it will happen or not) was made not by the young (as is now happening), but by their relatives.

Preparations at the bride's house

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All about the dowry for an important event

Many families traditionally prepare a dowry for their daughter. It can be collected over many years or purchased in one day. Typically it includes:

• dishes;
• Appliances;
• various household utensils;
• towels;
• bed sheets;
• tablecloths, napkins.

It is not necessary that there be a lot of dowry. This can be a set of the most necessary things for the household. When the groom and matchmakers arrive, it is recommended to place items so that the guests can see them. If among the dowry there is an item embroidered by the bride, the future mother-in-law will be conquered. Of course, it all depends on the possibilities; the dowry may well include a car or an apartment.

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Traditional script

Once upon a time, the bride's matchmaking scenario involved the matchmaker visiting the potential bride's family several times. Moreover, making a decision about the upcoming wedding immediately after the first visit was considered a sign of bad taste. It's not surprising. The bride must “keep her mark”! And the relatives of the bride for matchmaking could not give the “goods” to the first person they met. However, there was a high probability that after the first visit, in case of refusal, the matchmakers would not return.

To prevent this from happening, the daughter’s parents asked for time to think, consult with other relatives, and find out more about the groom.

If everything worked out as it should, the matchmakers returned again after a few days. If the verdict was positive, the wedding date, expenses, dowry and “compensation” were discussed. After negotiations, future relatives (mother-in-law and father-in-law) were invited to visit to see where and how their beloved daughter would live now. Only after this could the groom meet his betrothed.

Is it possible to get married without parents?

If the groom's parents for some reason cannot come to the matchmaking, the young man will have to do everything on his own. And therefore it is important not to lose sight of all the little things that can ruin this important event.

1. When planning to get married, the groom must warn the bride and her family about this. Coming unexpectedly in this case is bad manners. And of course, you should take care of your appearance. You don't have to wear a tuxedo, but sportswear won't do either.
2. When choosing bouquets for the bride and her mother, you need to try to avoid strong contrast. The girl’s bouquet should be delicate and beautiful, and the future mother-in-law’s should be a little more modest, but more refined.
3. In addition to flowers, the groom can also take care of refreshments. A bottle of wine or champagne, as well as sweets, is enough. When arriving at the house, it is better not to show them, so as not to demonstrate confidence that he will be accepted.
4. If there are no matchmakers, the groom must prepare his speech in advance. At the same time, you do not need to talk about your feelings for the bride. It is important to talk about yourself, convincing future relatives that he is the best contender for their daughter’s hand in marriage.
5. But there is no need to take this too seriously, because the modern bride and groom make their own decisions about the wedding. Therefore, it is better to praise yourself in a humorous manner, not forgetting that this is still a symbolic ritual.
6. In no case should you calm down before matchmaking with alcohol. Even if the relationship with future relatives has long been established. This is not the case when you can behave like this.
7. If the groom's parents were not at the matchmaking ceremony, the bride must pay them a visit with him. In this case, it would also be useful to take care of gifts for the future mother-in-law and father-in-law. If you wish, you can go on a visit with your own parents.

You shouldn’t organize a celebration just for show, as this is no longer necessary. But if you want to introduce your parents in such an interesting way, then matchmaking is an ideal option.

Engagement tradition

After the matchmaking, which could last for more than one day, an engagement was organized. It was during the engagement that the bride and groom officially promised each other, the ring was presented, and the newlyweds exchanged vows in front of the altar and witnesses that the wedding would certainly take place according to mutual desire.

Today, engagement is a completely different event. For some, this is the moment of presenting a ring to a girl, for others - an announcement about the upcoming wedding, for others - family gatherings, during which the parents of the future spouses officially meet. And for some, engagement is considered the day when an application is submitted to the registry office. But in any case, engagement is considered the first step towards preparatory wedding events.

Successful dates for matchmaking

So, first of all, decide on the day and date. It is believed that the unsuitable days for matchmaking are Wednesday and Friday. In addition, you cannot send matchmakers to the bride on the 13th. The most suitable and successful numbers are 3, 5, 7, 9.

Today they do not use special ritual objects. Previously, this action could not be done without a towel (it was embroidered in a special way, with certain designs), and special utensils. Also, the ritual took place according to a script - the speeches and actions of all relatives were prepared in advance. The girl was silent the whole time the matchmaking was going on, quietly removing the ash from the stove. She had no right to turn to the matchmakers. Today the girl simply does not leave her room.

Before the ceremony, the groom certainly prepares two bouquets. Flowers have their own symbolism, so it’s better to find out about it in advance. So, if a girl is young, it is not customary to give her lush, rich bouquets. It is better to get by with roses in delicate shades. For the mother of the bride, the bouquet should express honor, respect, and admiration.

Refusal and consent in matchmaking

If the parents were not ready to give their daughter in marriage or considered the groom an unsuitable match, their refusal was never direct. Only excuses that no one would accept as a serious reason under normal circumstances. But in this way the girl’s parents made it clear that the conspiracy would not take place.

But if the groom was given a positive answer, then a bridesmaid ceremony was scheduled. On this day, the girl was dressed in her best dress, she herself prepared a meal for the matchmakers and had to go out to the guests with her face hidden under a veil. And the first person who could evaluate the appearance of the future daughter-in-law was the groom’s father.

However, the matter, of course, was not limited to food and a clean house. And if during matchmaking the parents had questions, then it was the matchmakers’ turn.

They asked the girl questions about housekeeping and asked her to do some work as proof. Don't think that the girl had no choice at all. In the event that she did not like the groom, she could leave the guests and take off her festive dress in a secluded place, changing into a regular one.

If this did not happen, and the matchmakers were satisfied with everything, then the groom was brought a drink. Having drunk everything, he admitted that he was not against tying the knot.

Our ancestors had such matchmaking traditions, and we think they were wonderful. And how to properly match a bride in our time, we will find out further.

Example script

So, you thought and wondered for a long time and finally decided to arrange matchmaking according to all the traditions. To make it fun and not boring, you should plan everything in advance and even rehearse. By the way, the main character in matchmaking is the matchmaker on the young man’s side. Don’t just hire just anyone for this role, the matchmaker must be smart and have no complexes, otherwise it’s a lost cause.

All actions during matchmaking are accompanied by certain words. Of course, they can be very different. But the essence comes down to one thing. This is approximately what the participants in this action should say.

Start of the show

So, role-play the situation. The guests are waiting at the matchmakers' house; the latter are arriving. At this time, the bride waits in her room and does not show herself to anyone. The guests cheer in unison: “They’re coming! The matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it is positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.

When meeting, the matchmaker on the groom’s side greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not short, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived on a very important mission - they say they have a clear falcon, which had a wondrous dream, in which a beautiful maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept; he keeps thinking about her. And the falcon’s relatives decided to find his betrothed, asked the magic staff for help, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.

The role of the matchmaker in matchmaking

After such a stormy introduction and greeting, the bride's matchmaker comes into play. Again, in a joking manner, he says that he has no idea who he is talking about, that there are many red-haired beauties in the house.

The matchmaker’s surprise on the part of the groom knows no bounds; she asks permission to take everyone at once, to which the groom objects: “No, I don’t need them all, my soul yearns for one!” The groom’s matchmaker, in confirmation of his words, echoes: “Yes! Any swan will not suit our falcon” and suggests that the guy himself start looking for his one and only. After the consent of the girl's parents, he enters the house and brings out his bride.

The groom’s matchmaker exclaims enthusiastically: “Of course, she’s beautiful, rosy-cheeked, slim. It is not surprising that the falcon spent so much time drying on it. But we prepared several tests for the swan.” The matchmaker scatters the change on the floor or on the ground. The test begins, during which the girl must show that she is not lazy and can bend over to collect coins. The girl puts the coins in her pocket, and if anyone asks for money, she refuses. The matchmaker immediately notices: “Thrifty! But I have one more question: how much buckwheat do you put in the borscht – a spoon or a glass?” The girl replies: “And I put meat in the borscht!” Everyone nods their heads in approval.

Matchmaking by the bride

The bride's parents should greet the matchmakers by thoroughly cleaning the house and tidying up the yard. The home is the face of the bride, so it is important to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible. They try to place the dowry in a prominent place to demonstrate the family's wealth.

The girl must be directly involved in preparing treats for the matchmakers. Traditional dishes of national cuisine are most often prepared. The bride's task is to demonstrate her culinary talents and skills. It is advisable to bake a pie or cake yourself.

The modern matchmaking scenario allows you to answer all the guests’ questions impromptu, without preparing words and poems in advance.

It is also customary to give return gifts for matchmaking to the groom's parents. A basket of fruit or sweets, wine, an icon, a home amulet, a book, or a beautiful indoor flower will do.

The girl should dress modestly, not too flashy:

The bride's matchmaking takes place with the active participation of the girl herself, because her task is to show herself from the best side:

1. First of all, the girl needs to monitor the cleanliness and empty plates on the table: remove excess dishes and dirty napkins in a timely manner, refill guests’ glasses and serve dishes.
2. During a conversation, it is customary for her to remain silent and not enter into arguments or discussions.
3. You should not make toasts, ask questions, praise or criticize yourself and others.
4. It is not customary to hug and kiss the groom in front of your parents, even if the young couple have been together for a long time.
5. You should not drink a lot of alcohol or overeat on food.

It is better for a girl to discuss some questions with her parents in advance so as not to get into an awkward situation.

Bread is an essential attribute of matchmaking

After the test, the time comes for the main question: does the girl agree to marry the young man? As a sign of agreement, she must cut the bread into 4 equal parts. And treat each of them to those present: the first two parts are presented, bowing, to the groom’s parents, the second – to his own.

After this, the groom’s matchmaker “marks” the bride so that no one else can take her away before the wedding. With the words: “We will mark with a little thing,” the bride is given a ring. After this, the woman notes that it is the groom’s turn to show himself in action. The guy is given a hammer with nails and he drives a nail into the threshold of the house. After “work,” the groom gives gifts to his future mother-in-law and father-in-law: “For the father-in-law, a hammer, so that he can be useful in the relationship, and for the mother-in-law, a chocolate bar, so that the wedding goes smoothly.”

Then everyone goes to the set table, treats themselves, drinks and chats merrily.