Matchmaking scenario from the groom's side - how to conduct the ceremony
Matchmaking by the groom is a unique folk tradition that has gone through many transformations, but is still present in modern reality. As social foundations and conventions changed, matchmaking underwent certain changes and acquired new forms.
If in the old days a matchmaker came to the bride’s parents and brought the matter to a close, today the groom comes to them to inform them together with the bride about the decision to get married.
Gifts for matchmaking
In order for matchmaking to go well, it is imperative to prepare gifts for the matchmakers. Let us present you with a few examples of what gifts the bride can prepare for the groom’s matchmakers:
- A girl can prepare a gift for her father-in-law according to his interests. For example, this could be fishing gear, if he is interested in fishing - this way she will definitely win him over right away:
- A girl can give her mother-in-law some beautiful feminine accessory. As an option, consider an expensive silk scarf:
- For the groom's matchmaker, the girl can bake some cupcakes or cakes with a themed design with her own hands:
The usual message to parents about the engagement is too banal, it won’t surprise anyone. But if you use folk traditions, brainstorm them and present them in a modern interpretation, you will get a very interesting matchmaking scenario that can be captured and left as a long-lasting memory for young people.
How to get married - advice to the groom
Although there is no need for matchmaking for a long time, the folk custom is still present in the general wedding process. It is a kind of symbolic part, often cheerful and full of optimism.
In modern society, there are no special prerequisites for matchmaking. The position of matchmaker, whose duties included “convincing” the newlyweds, who sometimes saw each other only in church, presupposed not only diplomatic talent in negotiations, but also knowledge of all the features of the ceremony.
The matchmaker looked for suitable couples not only based on property or age qualifications. She was engaged in this activity because she had a natural ability to discern the most inconspicuous signs of mutual (or one-sided) sympathy, to correlate all the positive and negative aspects so as not to be rejected.
Her duties included preliminary negotiations and a conversation with the bride’s parents (who at that time were rarely asked not only for consent, but also for their opinion on the subject of the agreements).
Today we can say that the role of matchmaker has been taken on by the groom, who is the first to appear at the future relatives, tries to please them and gradually finds out their attitude towards himself.
Quite often, he comes to the bride’s parents asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage after several years of living with her, in order to inform them of the upcoming wedding. In some families, these short negotiations are considered official matchmaking, which is still necessary, although it is purely symbolic.
Of course, you can limit yourself to a short notice about an event that has already taken place, but, observing folk traditions, even from these negotiations you can make a fun and unforgettable spectacle.
Responsibilities of the groom at matchmaking
If you follow folk traditions, even stylized and half-abbreviated, the following actions are included in the duties of the groom:
- bring bouquets to your future mother-in-law, wife and other women, if there are any in the family (inexpensive, but beautiful);
- give a future relative (mother-in-law) a symbolic gift (usually it is customary to give something edible - a cake, a box of chocolates or pastries, but it can also be a souvenir chosen by the bride, who knows her mother’s preferences);
- bring your parents with you, who will take on part of the financial negotiations;
- if the groom’s parents did not consider it necessary to attend the ceremony (or did not know about it), the young man should bring the bride to his home and inform his parents about the upcoming event;
- modern ritual provides not only for a dowry, which is given by the bride’s parents, but also the groom must mention his prospects for the future and his ability to provide for his family;
- After the preliminary stage, a feast follows, after which the nuances are discussed, if the first stage of matchmaking ended in mutual understanding and agreement.
Certain subtleties vary depending on the region and national traditions.
Small preparation details
There is disagreement about the engagement ring - whether or not a young man should give it to a girl during matchmaking or at the moment when he proposed to her. Are matchmakers necessary, in addition to parents, who begin preliminary negotiations in a humorous allegorical form, or is the ceremony carried out in a simplified version by the groom’s relatives.
Are outsiders, specially invited, present at the matchmaking, or is it intra-family in nature? In some regions, the noisy and cheerful ceremony ends with dancing and fireworks, and in some places they prefer to peacefully go home without informing their neighbors.
The groom's responsibilities include choosing the right time for the ceremony. The appointed event should suit everyone so that everything can be discussed properly without being interrupted by the fact that one of the participants is in a hurry. Traditionally, evening or daytime is considered good, and favorable days are Wednesday and Saturday, although weekends are also good.
In some regions, Tuesday and Thursday are considered the best days, and in some places they do not pay any attention to the day of the week, recognizing only the significance of the numbers.
There they categorically do not advise getting married on 13, and they advise doing it on the magic 3, 6 and 9, apparently dictated by religious beliefs. The groom must insist on the exact date of the wedding, which can take place no earlier than a month, but no later than a year after the matchmaking ritual.
Exceptions are made only in emergency cases - seeing off in the army, pregnancy or an upcoming move. In a modern engagement, there are no traditional expressions and metaphors, nor strictly predetermined stages of the ceremony. There are also no restrictions or strict rules regarding what a young man must say in order for his marriage request to be successful.
If a couple of centuries ago matchmaking could depend on how correctly the approved forms were pronounced, and for each stage it was known in advance what needed to be said and in what words, today there are no such restrictions. The ceremony can be performed either as a magnificent theatrical performance with the participation of spectators, or modestly sitting at a table in a cafe or restaurant.
The main thing is that everyone is satisfied, and consent to the marriage is obtained without any special incidents.
What to prepare for the ceremony
To make matchmaking fun and relaxed, you need to prepare for it in advance. All the little things should be taken into account: think in advance what to say, what to buy, gifts, how to entertain the bride’s family.
Gift for the bride
The most important matchmaking gift for a bride is most often an engagement ring. It directly speaks of the man’s serious intentions. If the girl agrees to get married, she can wear the given ring until the wedding in the same place as her engagement ring - on the ring finger of her right hand.
On the day of marriage, the groom will put a wedding ring on this finger, and the engagement ring will remain a beautiful decoration in memory of romantic events. The ring given for matchmaking must be gold. It may also contain a gemstone.
Celebration program
Matchmaking, most often, remains a family event, to which a host is rarely invited. But an approximate scenario should still be thought through.
First, the official part is performed, all those present introduce themselves to each other. When the “business” negotiations are completed and it becomes clear that the girl’s parents are not against it, you can relax. It's time for songs and toasts.
It is a long-standing tradition to bring a loaf of bread to matchmaking. If a girl takes it in her hands, breaks it, and treats it to her parents and the groom’s parents, this will wordlessly signify her consent.
Jokes, songs, competitions
The entertainment part of the event is of great importance. Cool ditties, for example:
"Along from our gates
The path winds,
The best girl in the village
The guy gets it."
Russian folk songs, known to the overwhelming majority of the entire Russian population, are often sung at the table.
Witty jokes are primarily the task of matchmakers. You can often hear these words:
- neither go around nor go around the betrothed mummer;
- a single man is like half a man;
- It's better to get married than to drag yourself around alone.
All of these are humorous sayings that fit perfectly into the informal part of the script. Competitions can be anything, suitable for other holidays. The main thing is to create an atmosphere of fun.
Toasts and groom's speech
At the matchmaking ceremony, the following toasts are made at the table:
- Let's drink to the health of young and future children!
- Our toast to an unexpected engagement with a happy ending!
- Let laughter never stop in your home!
- Let's wait for the magnificent wedding, but for now let's drink to the brave groom and the modest bride!
- Congratulations on the important decision to link your destinies, bittersweet!
At the end of the matchmaking, everyone congratulates the newlyweds, and the groom makes a final speech of gratitude. First of all, he should thank the chosen one’s parents for the warm welcome and say a few pleasant words to everyone.
The groom also promises to take care of his beloved and make her life happy.
Holiday treats
The matchmaking ceremony is never complete without a festive feast. The bride's family should prepare various treats. Let it be a festive table, familiar to this family.
READ
Witnesses at a wedding: responsibilities, subtleties of choice and signs
Here's what you can prepare:
- cold snacks;
- cheese and sausage slices;
- hot: fish, red meat or poultry;
- garnish;
- pies;
- various pickles and pickled vegetables.
The table must be beautifully set, using the best dishes and cutlery. It is traditionally accepted that the future bride prepares the treats herself to show the matchmakers her culinary skills. But her mother and other older relatives can help her. The bride should also be responsible for changing dishes at the table.
The groom's side can and should participate in preparing for the feast. You can bring cake, sweets and fruits with you. Alcoholic drinks may be present on the table, but in moderation. The groom should be very careful in drinking alcohol.
How to behave as a bride
Even in modern conditions, there are certain rules of behavior prescribed for the bride. On this day, she should look especially good, but the outfit should be modest, without provocative elements such as a neckline, a super short skirt or very high heels.
The bride should meet the groom with gifts, but under no circumstances should she give anything to her chosen one. She should be gifted to her future mother-in-law and father-in-law. Once upon a time, such gifts were a suvoy (cut) of linen for a shirt and a shawl (or a beautiful scarf), but now it is better to ask your chosen one about gifts and present things that will be liked and useful.
On this day, the bride must work around the house, demonstrate her diligence, hard work and various skills. At the same time, she should not sit at the table much. Such advice is inappropriate if matchmaking takes place in a restaurant or cafe, but at home they are followed.
To properly conduct the ceremony, according to tradition, little is required from the bride.
On this day, she is very modest and well-mannered, drinks almost no alcohol and observes the conventions of ritual etiquette:
- does not interrupt elders or argue with them (this also applies to one’s own relatives);
- does not praise himself or brag about his achievements, leaving this role to other participants;
- does not demonstrate the degree of intimacy with the groom at the table (even diminutive names are left for later);
- demonstrates housekeeping skills, changes plates and serves new dishes;
- behaves modestly and decently, without violating the established rules all the time while the ceremony is in progress.
The role of matchmakers
Matchmakers nowadays are a relative concept. Previously, these were special people, often very close relatives, familiar with ceremonial subtleties and vocabulary.
They took upon themselves the contractual process, starting a conversation from afar, indirectly, with hints and equivocations. Such metaphors, sometimes in poetic form, were also provided for by tradition and required careful observance.
Now, in most cases, this role is taken on by the groom or his parents. If matchmaking is carried out in a comic or theatrical form, the matchmakers play a role similar to the role of the toastmaster at a wedding.
They set the tone for the ceremony, carefully monitor the execution of the pre-written script and carry out the spectacular contractual process, leaving the financial details to the future relatives of the bride and groom.
Who do they take as a matchmaker for a wedding and what is expected of them?
Matchmakers at a wedding
Previously, matchmakers were appointed guests of honor at a wedding. Most often these are accomplished men (older brothers and uncles who are in a happy marriage, at least forty years old). According to tradition, the happy family life of the matchmakers should be passed on to the newlyweds. There is no clear answer to the question of how many matchmakers there should be at a wedding. A tradition has been preserved according to which a man is chosen for this role on the groom’s side, and a woman on the bride’s side is also chosen. Of course, if it works out, then the groom can find a matchmaker and vice versa. Sometimes even the parents of the newlyweds play the role of matchmakers.
The actions of matchmakers may vary, but in general it is these people who organize the holiday. It doesn’t matter whether the toastmaster is invited to the celebration or not. He performs his function, and the matchmakers do theirs. By tradition they are:
- dress up in Russian folk costumes;
- monitor the order and behavior of guests;
- introduce the guests of the bride and groom to each other;
- fill guests' glasses;
- cut the loaf;
- make toasts;
- ransoming the bride;
- present gifts to the newlyweds at the ceremony where they are presented by guests.
If you are invited to a wedding as a matchmaker or matchmaker, you must take the organization seriously and understand that the mood of the guests and newlyweds depends on your actions
Script in a modern style, with humor
The scope for creativity in this case is boundless. The humorous scenario involves usually costumed action, which retains certain elements of the classical ceremony.
With humor, you can carry out a ritual in national costumes, and a dramatization of a literary work, a popular movie, even the kidnapping of a bride with subsequent searches and demands from her parents for her hand in marriage in exchange for a miraculous rescue.
The main thing is to rehearse in advance, carefully learn the words written for each character, and try to play the assigned role as authentically as possible.
What is matchmaking and who are matchmakers?
Matchmaking is a marriage proposal from the groom addressed to the bride's parents, literally asking for her hand and parental blessing.
Matchmakers are representatives of the groom who come to the girl’s house to make a match. In the old days, they tried to choose close relatives of the groom, his father or godparents, or called specialized matchmakers for this role. Their task was not only to woo the chosen girl, but also to find out about her family , dowry, and personal qualities. Sometimes matchmakers themselves selected a suitable candidate for their ward.
How do matchmakers match the groom? Previously, they visited the girl’s home with gifts and asked the relatives for permission to marry. And after the consent of the parents, preparations for the wedding itself began.
How is it going nowadays?
Today, matchmaking simply refers to the groom's visit to the bride's parents to ask for her hand in marriage.
Of course, the decision is made not by the parents, but by the young people themselves, but good form obliges them to be officially introduced to the family of their beloved. It is not necessary for a matchmaker and a matchmaker to be present. After this, the bride's parents come to the groom's house to meet the young man's family.
How to conduct a ritual in verse - script
Such a script can be found on special websites, or you can write it yourself according to the provided sample. The main thing that is required in this case is that the participants know the poems by heart and practice reciting them.
Here is one version of such a scenario:
The groom's side must prepare and learn the words. It’s not difficult at all, but the holiday will be more fun. Guests will be simply delighted. If the wedding is being held in a village, then it’s a good idea to find a cart and roll it to the bride’s place of residence. The groom stands on the cart at the gate and knocks loudly.
After this, the matchmaker continues.
The bride and her friends leave the house. The groom goes to choose a bride from a variety of girls and puts a ring on her finger. After that, he takes his beloved in his arms.
The bride's family invites everyone to the table. At the same time, the following congratulations are heard.
Here is another original and fun matchmaking scenario:
Modern matchmaking is simply an occasion for additional fun, artistry and creativity, a beautiful ceremony if thought through well. But did you have such a pre-wedding stage, and what do you remember most of all?
Cool scenario for the bride's matchmaking from the groom's side
In this article we will discuss matchmaking, whether it has gone out of fashion, how much you need to prepare for this ritual, and is there a need for a cool scenario for the bride to be matched by the groom in modern life?
The process of matchmaking the bride on the part of the groom has always been accompanied by strict adherence to long-standing traditions and rules. Today, in principle, matchmaking is not always carried out, but there are families where this ritual is still practiced. Modern trends, however, have influenced them too.
You have the goods, we have the merchant!
As in the old days, the main phrase denoting the beginning of matchmaking is considered to be: “You have a product, we have a merchant!” The groom's relatives do their best to recommend him from the best side to his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. In order to add more zest and fun, adapted phrases are used like: “Come on, look at this handsome guy! The best employee of the month at MacDonald's!”, or “A smart guy, an excellent programmer and just a top manager, how can you not fall for him?!”
Having overcome all obstacles in the form of relatives and parents of the bride, the future husband is invited to find his betrothed. Usually the bride is hidden in one of the rooms of the house, after having been dressed in a beautiful dress. To add spice to the matchmaking scenario here, they also dress up the bride’s girlfriends and even friends, having made them up well. The groom must go around every corner of the house until he finds his beloved.
Before her father-in-law and mother-in-law, the girl is subjected to various tests to check whether she will be a good housewife for their son, whether she can lead a decent life. The groom's mother throws money on the floor and asks to see how she cleans up. The girl quickly collects coins and bills, and if her mother-in-law asks for money back, then of course she should not give it back.
Instead of this fun test, you can use a number of others. Having appreciated the thriftiness of the future daughter-in-law, the parents finally ask the girl herself if she agrees. Usually, people decide about matchmaking when everything has already been decided long ago, and all that remains is to pay tribute to traditions.
Having received formal consent, the future wife is given bread (or a loaf), which she must cut into four parts. There is a dilemma: who should give the piece first? Here the bride must first approach the guy’s parents, addressing them in a completely new way: “mom” and “dad.”
Parental consent
The main thing left is to ask the consent of the girl’s parents. After receiving the answers, a small feast is organized. Having found out that there are no objections, the matchmaker and the matchmaker present the bride's side with gifts. The first is the bride herself, who needs to be “marked” before the wedding with some kind of jewelry or other accessory (a conservative ring/pendant/branded handbag). At the same time, they say that all the girlfriends will be jealous.
Following this, they ask the groom to show that he, too, is “not made with a finger,” as a rule, all he needs to do is hammer in a nail. And it doesn’t matter what the guy’s profession may be, be it a model or a high-altitude installer.
At the end of the matchmaking, the groom also gives small gifts to his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. The matchmakers also bring wine and honey with them, which can be used to “lubricate the eyes so that nothing bad can be seen in the son-in-law.” To the main core of the event, you can add a huge variety of different competitions and unique tests for both the groom and the bride.
How to conduct it correctly
Here's how to properly match a bride for a man:
- First you need to choose the right matchmakers. Their task is to praise the groom, describe his virtues and positive traits. Therefore, as matchmakers you should choose talkative people, easy-going people with a sense of humor.
- Choose the right gifts for the girl and her parents. The bride and future mother-in-law should definitely be given a bouquet of flowers; the future father-in-law can be presented with a high-quality purse or elite alcohol. It's a good idea to find out about your family members' hobbies in advance so you can choose the right gifts.
- Dress appropriately. The groom should look neat, wear a beautiful outfit, have a haircut, and comb his hair. There should be no negligence in the image.
READ
On which days you can and cannot get married in leap year 2020
After this, you need to choose a suitable day and go to the bride. Nowadays, it is not customary to come to visit as a surprise, without an invitation. The family should be warned that they will come to match the girl, so that they have time to prepare.
This is an example scenario for proper matchmaking. Usually the event is fun and ends with the girl’s parents agreeing to give their daughter in marriage.
Ancient matchmaking traditions
According to ancient traditions, permission to marry was obtained from the girl’s father, and not from the girl herself. This is why matchmaking began, thus the male side showed respect to the family of their future relatives.
The guy's closest people - his parents, uncles and aunts, as well as good friends - acted as matchmakers. Shortly before the matchmaking, a small council was held at home, where all the nuances were decided before the event itself. About what to take and what questions to ask.
The most important thing in the hands of the matchmakers should be a freshly baked loaf or bread, which the bride, if she agrees, must cut. If the girl’s family turns out to be against the option of marriage (which often happened in cases where guys from poor families were matched), then the guests were presented with a “harmelon,” that is, a pumpkin. Silent, but the most understandable and intelligible sign for a young man.
In the old days, matchmaking feasts lasted a long time, not only because of the love of drinking and good company. Leaving home in the dark promised a good and calm life for the young people in the future, since no one could jinx their love in the dark.
In addition to the fear of the evil eye, unlucky days were also avoided; Wednesdays and Fridays were considered such. They didn’t go to get married even on the thirteenth. The most favorable day for visiting future relatives was considered October 14, the Feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Ceremony traditions
Matchmaking is an old Russian custom, widespread among Orthodox people. In ancient Rus', this was the most common way of concluding an agreement between two families about marriage.
The groom could seize a girl together with his parents or other close people whom he completely trusted. An important quality for matchmakers was eloquence, wit, and knowledge of traditions, since their task was to demonstrate that the groom was a profitable match.
Matchmakers came to the house at dusk to avoid the evil eye and inconvenient publicity in case of a refusal. The path to the bride’s house was not easy: the procession mixed up its tracks so that the neighbors would not guess the true purpose of the visit.
According to Russian tradition, matchmaking was not carried out during Maslenitsa week; Wednesday and Friday were also considered unfavorable days. The conversation between the matchmakers and the bride's parents usually came from afar. It was not customary to directly announce the true purpose of the visit, although all family members understood it. It was considered absolutely normal for the bride’s parents not to immediately give either a positive or negative answer.
How to get married - advice to the groom
The groom does not require many actions and remarks at the matchmaking ceremony. For this, there are matchmakers, in whose hands will be all the strings to manage the process. As a rule, matchmakers include a person familiar with the traditions and rules that need to be followed.
You shouldn’t be timid and overly embarrassed, even though relatives are in charge of the order and flow of matchmaking, but you also need to show your best side. This is especially true in cases where the young man did not know his girlfriend’s parents before.
As such, the whole process is more humorous and encourages a fun and relaxed atmosphere. The bride's parents may demand that the guy hammer a crooked nail into a board or open a rolled up jar without any available means, all this, of course, in a comic form.
For guests
After all the main ceremonies and the conspiracy, everyone sits down at the table and the real fun begins. And here comes the turn of the guests. The following competitions can be held for their entertainment.
Crossword
Who else could a crossword puzzle be about if not the bride and groom?
It must be prepared in advance and include questions about significant events and personal preferences of those responsible for the event. Everyone is given pieces of paper with a printed crossword puzzle, pens or pencils .
After the winner is determined, an award ceremony is held. The competition can be organized in another way. The puzzle can be depicted on a large poster and everyone can solve it together.
An ideal option for implementing this competition is to prepare a thematic newspaper, on the last page of which, by analogy with a real press, a crossword puzzle is printed.
Nice memories
This entertainment is suitable for an event attended by a small number of guests, mostly relatives.
During the break between toasts, loved ones are invited to prepare a story about the most memorable episode associated with the young couple.
This may include moments of getting to know each other and parents, preparing for matchmaking, and so on.
Dance master class
In addition to conversations and eating festive dishes, guests can be offered other entertainment.
One of the new products is holding master classes. They can be of any subject. The most fun is the dance master class.
The music and movement elements of a particular dance are selected in advance. Guests are invited to the dance floor, the music is turned on and the competition program begins. The presenter offers to repeat the dance movements after him.
The winner is chosen from those who perform the dance more accurately and energetically.
How to behave as a bride
In the bride's house, everything should be prepared for the future reception of guests. The girl also participates in all processes. Direct participation in cooking is mandatory; a large and varied table has long shown the well-being of the family. In exactly the same way as matchmakers prepare gifts, the bride’s parents respond to them with gifts in return.
Since matchmaking takes place with the active participation of the future wife, she should choose an outfit that is not too restrictive. A simple and discreet dress or other elements of familiar clothing will do. Among the basic rules is that the girl’s knees and shoulders must be covered.
During matchmaking and feasting, it is customary to say little; in principle, it is enough to just answer questions from the matchmaker and the matchmaker. Other issues resolve themselves as heated discussions between parents occur.
It is also important not to be too open with your fiancé, no matter how much time you have spent together, avoid kissing and long hugs. Usually the decision about matchmaking is made shortly before the wedding, but on this evening you should limit yourself from close communication with your betrothed due to long-standing traditions.
The role of matchmakers
Matchmakers are people who participate in the matchmaking process itself. The closest people of the future newlyweds. Having agreed on a meeting and showing up at the bride’s house, they tried to get the most “profitable product”, which was presented by the girl’s parents. Those close to the groom tried to present him in the best light, often lying and exaggerating.
All this happens in a fun and relaxed atmosphere, so it is very easy to establish contacts between different people. After all the answers of interest were received, and it was time for the wedding, it was the matchmakers who discussed the upcoming exciting procedure among themselves.
The financial issue, wedding dates were resolved, preliminary lists and wishes of all participants were compiled.
Matchmaking competitions and funny jokes
It would be most important to introduce jokes and funny competitions directly into the matchmaking process. So, for example, when entering the courtyard, the matchmaker asks the bride about her cooking and household skills.
The girl is given a bag with pre-printed answers on small pieces of paper, which she must read without first looking. For example, when asked about a recipe for delicious borscht, a young person may get an answer in the style of “water, an ax and herbs.” The list of question options is exactly as long as the answers.
List of questions and answers for the groom
The groom, like the bride, will be asked tricky questions by her parents. He must think carefully before answering them. In many ways, not only ingenuity plays a role here, but also a sense of humor.
Advice! It is worth turning all the answers into compliments to your future wife.
- Where is wealth always waiting for you? (At home, with my wife)
- The sweetest thing in the world? (Kiss)
- What is the most priceless and strong thing in the world? (Love for the betrothed)
List of questions and answers for the bride
Similar tests await the bride; the same advice will suit her:
- Do you wash floors better in the middle or in the corners? (You need to clean everywhere, not just in the center or corners).
- What will you give your husband first when he comes home from work - a plate or a pillow? (I’ll serve the borscht in a plate).
- What should you add to borscht - millet, buckwheat or rice? (Borscht is cooked from meat, not from cereals).
- If your husband returns late from work, what should you ask him first? (I’ll draw a bath, feed you, put you to bed, and ask all the questions only after a good night’s sleep).
Matchmaking has long lost its traditional meaning; today it is all something like a joke, but, nevertheless, an important rite. In the cities, the majority abandoned it, preferring a more modern view of marriage. Those who still remember some of the rules of matchmaking modify it in every possible way so that the newlyweds also feel comfortable and come up with cool scenarios for the groom to match the bride.
Matchmaking today
Matchmaking is, in essence, the official consent of the bride and groom, as well as their families, to enter into marriage. There is no universal scenario or rules for performing this ritual, since even in ancient times, matchmaking traditions differed greatly not only in different countries, but also in different regions of Rus'. In this article we will look at the main features, current echoes of past traditions and interesting ideas regarding matchmaking.
Matchmaking today
Modern matchmaking in most cases is simple and prosaic, especially in urban areas. Matchmakers, whose roles are most often played by the groom's closest relatives, rarely burden themselves with learning long poems and theatrical performances (except for the common phrase: “you have a product, we have a merchant”). However, certain etiquette is still observed. So, upon arrival at the bride’s house, the groom always gives the women flowers (if the future wife has grandmothers or sisters, they will also be pleased to receive a bouquet along with the bride and her mother). Matchmakers bring gifts with them, most often these are: sweets, fruit baskets, alcohol. In addition, the groom (or his mother) can give the bride some expensive gift, for example, jewelry or something significant for his family. Some special gifts can be presented to the bride's parents. It is better to discuss what to give to your future father-in-law and mother-in-law in advance with the bride - she probably knows their preferences. Alternatively, it could be: a talisman for the home, a photo album (with a promise to fill it soon with photographs of grandchildren), a beautiful carved candle (as a symbol of light and warmth), etc. After the welcoming speeches, everyone goes to the table, where they discuss in detail the subject of the meeting - the wedding of the newlyweds.
What words to say during matchmaking
While the bride's relatives can act impromptu, the groom's matchmakers will have to prepare some kind of opening speech. The essence of this speech usually boils down to the following: we know that a beautiful girl lives here, we have a smart/generous/wealthy groom for her, who, moreover, is endlessly in love with her, do you agree to put her in his reliable hands ? This traditional preamble can be formulated in either prose or verse. Here are some short poetic options:
Progress of the event
Please let the matchmakers into the house
The whole group approaches the doors of the entrance with an intercom where the parents of the future bride live.
Verka starts banging her fists and feet and screaming loudly:
Open the doors wider! People are flocking to you! We are hungry like animals! There are a lot of us here - a whole platoon!
At this moment, the door swings open, and the owners meet the matchmakers on the threshold. The head of the family has a toy bat in his hands, his face expresses anger:
Get out of here! I don't need thieves here! Let's get out! You've brought shame upon yourself! Disgrace for the whole house...
Pushkin comes out from behind a group of matchmakers and turns to Verka, pushing her aside:
You can’t do that, Madame Serduchka, it’s just bad manners. Matchmaking is such a thing: both style and tone are important here.
Then Pushkin affectionately says to the owners:
You have guests here, gentlemen, It took a long time to get here. We should drink some water and talk a little,
Something to tell you, someone to show you.
During the entire conversation I stood behind my friends. I’ll tell you that there is no thief here, There is a merchant - what a mind, what to become!
Our merchant is looking for his goods. Do you have it or not?
Master work, little chest, a great object of beauty!
There is a lock in it with a secret that not everyone can open. They gave us advice that you might have it.
And the merchant, as he grew up, the Key found fine work. Will it fit - that’s the question, It’s a pity to hand it over to a second-hand shop...
Show us the chest! If he does a worthy job, our dashing merchant will buy it and save you from worry.
The casket itself will be protected more than the apple of your eye, from enemies-thieves, from misfortune and evil fate.
Verka:
Exactly! Pushkin - well done! The key is good! And right on the spot! We are looking for a good bride for our merchant!
Father (with doubt and pitiful sympathy):
So I will say: there is a casket. We regret giving it away, of course. Yes, in truth, your merchant is unprepossessing in appearance, warm-hearted...
Verka (indignantly, pushing Pushkin aside):
An unprepossessing merchant? Come on! He bends a horseshoe with his hand! And how well-spoken he is in his speeches: He doesn’t babble – he sings!
The girl won’t get bored with him, There’s a lot of work every day: Sort out dresses and fur coats, What he brought from the trip,
Shake off the dust from the jewelry, Try on the diamonds, And then relax - These are the options!
Father:
Are you telling us the truth, Verka? You're lying like a bald idiot!
Verka:
What???
I'm lying??? Let's check! Guys, line up! Do you want to surprise your beloved? We give cute poems for matchmaking from the groom
Competitions for men
These competitions are humorous, although to win men will need dexterity, reaction speed and the ability to think logically.
It is enough to hold 3 competitions:
- For skillful driving;
- For agility and reaction speed;
- On the ability to master words.
The host of this stage can be any person from both the groom and the bride. It is better to choose the panel of judges from the audience.
Skillful driver
Leader's words:
You may not be rich, but you must be a driver! Now let’s check whether the groom can be trusted to be the head of the family, to “lead” his wife and future children through life.
Two people take part in the competition. On the asphalt, mentally identify 2 highways, place an equal number of obstacles for each road, for example, stones. Long ropes are tied to toy cars. Both “drivers” stand at the border line, which they cannot cross. They take the ends of the strings with the cars tied to them in their hands. Cars are parked at a distance from them - at the beginning of the “route”.
You need to drive the vehicle around obstacles in a sine wave, controlling it from your place. You can run left and right, but you cannot cross the border line. If a participant breaks the rule, his car is placed at the starting point of the journey.
The first one to bring the car to the finish line wins. The winner is given a gift: a comic certificate and a toy car.
The smartest and richest
Leader's words:
Wealth is not always inherited. But fate often scatters grains of luck before people. Only the most worthy will be able to quickly navigate, group and collect coins of happiness faster than others!
From 2 to 5 people can take part here. Representatives of the fair sex can also compete with men.
Coins scatter on the asphalt. You can use any - 10 kopeck denominations or even cardboard ones with the denomination written on them by hand. Money shouldn't be piled up.
When the whistle blows, participants rush to collect coins. You can’t push, fight, or take someone else’s “catch.” For violating the rules, the participant is disqualified, and his money is scattered again to continue the competition. Whoever collects more money than others is considered the winner. He is awarded the title of “the most dexterous businessman.” You can award him a special comic medal.
Eloquent speaker
Leader's words:
Here the matchmaker boasted about how eloquent their groom was. But is it? But now we’ll check, now we’ll compare!
2-3 participants in this competition are enough. They are given the task: to sing figuratively and colorfully the virtues of the specified item. The objects of enthusiastic odes are: a chair with a broken leg, a dirty rug at the threshold, a dried tree stump. You can give each participant a separate individual task using a ticket. But a variant description of the same object is also appropriate.
The leader can offer a sample of chanting, for example, the handle of an entrance door:
“I remember the wonderful moment when I first touched you, oh one who opens an unknown world to a person, lets him into an amazing life - into the entrance of a house. You, courageous and strong, have more than once stood up to those who do not belong in this house. You, affectionate and trusting, let me in here - in love and inspired - so that I could meet my chosen one!
The speech of each speaker is recorded with a stopwatch. When there is a delay, the judge counts loudly, like in a boxing ring. If there is silence for 5 seconds, the participant is considered defeated. Whoever lasts longer than 2 minutes is considered the winner. It is assumed that the order of performances will be determined by drawing lots or the groom will be automatically appointed last.
If several winners reach the final, the number of hitches is counted. You can choose the winner using audience choice, asking them to applaud their favorite speaker.
Final test “Choose your bride”
Father's words:
Well, what a great groom! I am flattered, as a father, to give away my valuable goods to such a merchant!
Presenter:
Excuse me, it's not that simple! Now the groom will have to pass the most difficult test. From several girls, he must choose his chosen one, asking each only one question. He will not be able to see the faces of the girls and their figures, nor will he be able to hear their voices. The answer to the question will be a nod or a negative shake of the head. Therefore, you need to ask about what only the two of them know. For example: “Did we meet for the first time at Horizon?” or “Is there a photo of the two of us near the Gagarin monument in my wallet?” Groom, be careful! The bridesmaids may know a lot about you two too!
5 girls come out of the entrance, covered from head to toe with fabric. The groom asks each of them a question. In response, the girl either nods affirmatively or shakes her head negatively.
If the groom has doubts in the first round, you can give him a second chance and even a third. Those girls whom he points out that this is not the one are eliminated from the competition.
Test for the bride
After the groom guesses which of the girls is his chosen one, Verka takes the floor:
Yes, it’s not in vain that we worked hard for this beauty. It was worth it... But we achieved it! Now come on, you too
Dear beauty, show us your talent! Like it, don’t like it – Answer us this simple question:
You wash the pan longer. Where – outside or inside? And where do you put more Salt - in porridge or cabbage soup?
The bride should answer that she washes the pan longer where there is more dirt. And she puts as much salt in both porridge and cabbage soup as required by the recipe.
Presentation of gifts
After the final test, the groom's matchmakers present the bride's parents with a loaf of bread with a filled salt shaker on a tray covered with a beautiful towel. The groom cuts the bread with a knife and treats the parents first - the father, then the mother. Then he goes around the rest of the matchmakers on the bride’s side.
When he reaches his betrothed, she hands him a beautiful handkerchief, in which she wraps one of the pieces. The groom gives this gift to his father or the eldest of the matchmakers. He picks up a piece of bread wrapped in a scarf, showing everyone present this symbol of consent to the future wedding.
Next comes the presentation of gifts to the relatives from the bride's side. The groom presents bouquets of flowers to the chosen one and her mother. Decorations and small souvenirs can be a plus - beautiful candles, a figurine, a vase. You can present your father with a tea glass with a meaningful inscription, some gadget, for example, an e-book, a lamp. For the rest of the family, small souvenirs are enough. It is recommended to pack gifts in opaque bags or boxes to maintain intrigue.
The bride's relatives also give gifts to the matchmakers and groom in return. You can invite the whole group to enter the house, since gifts have been prepared for them and are waiting for them there along with treats.
Then the celebration continues in the house. A cameraman with a film camera is invited into the house at will.
