Blessing of young parents in the Orthodox tradition

What icons do parents usually keep?

• The mother (mother-in-law, mother-in-law), standing in front of the bride, holds in her hands an icon of the Virgin Mary - most often Our Lady of Kazan . The Blessed Virgin is the patroness of the family, the giver of children.
• The father (father-in-law, father-in-law), standing in front of the young man, blesses him with the image of Christ , less often - with the icon of St. Nicholas the Pleasant .

Nowadays, icons are most often purchased specifically for this rite. However, if the family has old images that are passed down from generation to generation, it is better to use them - this way the young will receive a blessing not only from mom and dad, but also from the whole family.

Important! According to the tradition of most regions, both images should be covered with embroidered towels. You need to touch the icons only through them. The bride herself can embroider towels before the wedding - although it won’t be scary if they are purchased.

What to do with icons after the wedding?

They are given to young people - the icons become the main images of the Red Corner of a young family.

Over time, it is with these icons that today’s young people can bless their children for marriage. So if you're shopping, choose something worthy - perhaps you're choosing your children's future heirloom.

Orthodox prayer before the wedding

Lord our God, in Thy saving sight, who was vouchsafed in Cana of Galilee to show an honest marriage by Thy coming, Thy servants (names) Himself, who now deigned to unite with each other, preserve them in peace and unanimity: show their honest marriage, keep their undefiled bed, keep their undefiled Bless the cohabitation and make me worthy to achieve greatness in old age, doing Your commandments with a pure heart. For You are our God, the God of mercy and salvation, and we send up glory to You, with Your beginningless Father, Your All-Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

The complete ritual of fatherly greeting of the newlyweds

It is believed that a young couple needs to be blessed in any case - even if the parents of the bride or groom are against this marriage. Even the church says: by setting an example of virtue, you will best “program” a new family for future happiness.

1. The blessing is carried out by the bride's parents when the groom and his relatives arrive at their house to take his betrothed to the registry office. Before this, while the girl is putting on a veil, the male part of her relatives carries out the ransom procedure (which falls heavily on the witness), and the bridesmaids organize a comic quiz right on the staircase, demanding to prove the power of the future husband’s love.
2. The future mother-in-law and father-in-law take the icons in their hands (turning their faces towards the young) and turn to the young couple, wishing them happiness and warning them against mistakes in their future life together.
3. They bless their daughter first, and then their new “son,” allowing them to kiss the image in turn.
4. The bride and groom listen to instructions, and at the end they bow deeply to their elders.
5. After visiting the registry office or church (wedding), the young couple is blessed by the groom's parents. In this case, it is he who is addressed first, and he is the first to kiss the image.

By the way! If you have hired a wedding planner, they may offer their own version of the ritual. Let's say, lately it has been customary to hold a blessing in a restaurant, after arriving from the registry office. It is conducted not by two, but by four parents - both from the bride’s side and from the groom’s side.

In the “restaurant” case, after the ritual, the icons are placed at the festive table, in a place of honor. After the holiday they are transported to the newlyweds' house.

What exactly should I say?

If the Lord has gifted you with eloquence, you can share your own family experience, wish the young family all the best, and warn against mistakes - both in prose and in poetry. But the experience of many families suggests: it is better not to choose pompous or banal phrases, but to say something from the heart .

Or you can say more briefly, “Advice and love,” because tears are probably choking your throat and not everyone can speak a long, coherent speech at such a touching moment.

By the way: good words of parental blessing are heard in this video from a real wedding, posted in the public domain. You can take them as an example of writing your own speech:

How did this happen among our ancestors?

Today, young people do all the “preparatory work” themselves (dating, getting engaged, preparing for the wedding). But among our ancestors, all of the above was organized by mothers and fathers - and brought the newlyweds together (with the help of a matchmaker), and collected money for the wedding...

The couple did not receive the blessing at the wedding, but earlier - while meeting the groom's parents, and less often - also the bride. Or she didn’t receive it if the parents were against the choice of their son or daughter - in this case, the wedding might not take place at all.

After the blessing, the couple was considered "decided."

The ritual was family and performed in private. At the same time, the parents held the icon facing the young people.

If a blessing was not held, there was no public wedding ceremony. Some couples even refused to get married, believing that a family created without the consent of their elders was doomed to poverty, childlessness and numerous misfortunes.

By the way: a young family often came to the groom’s territory to live. That’s why it was impossible without good relations with the older inhabitants of the home!

Blessing Examples

Dear daughter, today you are leaving your parents’ home and starting a new life. Building a family is a difficult and responsible job. We have invested in you all those important qualities that will make you a good wife. And I am sure that everything will work out for you. You will be a great wife and a wonderful mother. Solve all life's obstacles with wisdom, support your husband, treat him with understanding. You become one, and I am very happy for you! God will help you!

My daughter! Today your childhood dream has come true. You wanted to be a fairytale princess in a beautiful dress. I wanted a prince to come to you on a white horse. I wanted a lot of guests and gifts. Today is the day when all this comes true. But just remember, my dear, that real life is not a fairy tale. You will get everything you want if you continue to work at it. I wish you to be a charming, light, cheerful, but at the same time wise woman. Love your husband and take care of him. I hope he can extend the fairy tale of your life for a very long time.

Our dear daughter. Today the moment has come when dad and I are letting you into adulthood. Remember that building good family relationships is not easy, it requires a lot of patience. Your husband will be the head of the family, and you should be a faithful and kind helper. You are now becoming a family and all problems must be solved together. Happiness and love to you!

My favorite girl! Know that a woman develops in four main roles: mother, daughter, bride and wife. You have already performed two roles perfectly. The remaining two are the most important. I wish you to become a wonderful wife and an excellent mother. Let there always be understanding, order and respect in your family. Support each other at every stage. Be kind and tolerant. I bless you!

My girl! It seems like not so long ago you tried on my shoes and dresses and dreamed of how you would wear them as an adult. It was very funny watching you try to paint your lips for the first time, and now you are already teaching me all the rules of makeup. Time is fleeting. I am happy to see how your eyes shine when you look at your chosen one. On this amazing day, I wish you wisdom and understanding. And to you, son, patience and strength. Keep your love and happiness for many years to come. Congratulations!

Dear daughter. People say, “many search, but only a few find.” You found each other and found your happiness. Store it for as long as possible. I really want the smile to never leave your faces, so that your eyes shine with love and tenderness. Don't be afraid of problems, everything passes. After the rain the sun always comes out. If your loved one's shoulder is nearby, then you can overcome any difficulties. Be a support and support for each other. We are always here for you. I bless you!

Let's summarize

• The parents of the bride carry out the ritual of blessing when the groom arrives at their house before leaving for the registry office, having gone through all the “circles of hell” of the ransom and the tests of the bridesmaids.
• Traditionally, icons of Jesus Christ and the Mother of God (of Kazan, or any other image) are used in the ritual.
• Among our ancestors, there was also a parental blessing, although not in the form of a beautiful ritual, but as a sign of approval of the choice of a son or daughter.

And here is what the Orthodox priest says about parental blessing:

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Blessing prayer before the wedding

The blessing of the parents, both the bride and the groom, definitely escorts the children to a happy family life. And this ritual is ancient, which is also highly revered in modern times. The following blessing prayer before the wedding can be said by both the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom:

You, children, (name of the groom) and (name of the bride),

listen to the good word - a parental blessing for a strong family.

Live, don’t shame your parents, have children, add more grandchildren, strengthen your family by force!

Live well, okay, and accordingly, so that your years do not pass in vain.

Live for the joy of people and for the consolation of parents. I bless you!

How does the ceremony take place?

If it is decided to meet the newlyweds at the entrance to the banquet hall, you need to decide on the roles in advance. There are no hard and fast rules, there may be different options:

• The groom's father holds an icon, the bride's father holds a loaf.
• Icons (one at a time) can be held by either fathers or mothers on both sides.
• One of the parents is holding the image, another is holding a loaf, the other two are holding a glass of champagne.

Then the parents take turns saying parting words - here everyone focuses on what they consider the most important. Then the parents should bless the newlyweds with the icon. To do this, the sign of the cross is drawn in the air with the icon, only in a mirror image. If you are not sure, you can watch the video of how the priests bless you in the temple.

• Church wedding - rules
• Prayer for the symbol of faith for the godfather - read here
• Bell ringing for cleansing -

May God's mercy be upon the young!

How to properly bless your daughter before the wedding

The cheerful ransom with jokes and tasks for the groom is already over, the time for a touching ritual comes. Only the bride, groom and her parents remain in the room. You can still be godparents. There is no place for outsiders here: the ritual should become a holy sacrament, seeing off the child into adult family life. If you want to capture a memorable moment for you, you can ask your godparents to say parting words.

This moment is not just trivial words. With their blessing, the parents accompany the bride into her future family life and release her from her native nest. In other words, adults agree that their daughter will be taken by her future husband to start his new family

It is important to know how to bless your daughter before the wedding correctly and with what icon, in order to do it not only sincerely, but also according to all the rules

What is needed for the ceremony

In order for everything to work out sincerely, without nervous thoughts that you didn’t buy something, you need to think through and prepare everything in advance. An important list includes:

• the blessing speech, it must be written and remembered;
• towel – to hold the image;
• icon.

Take time to write sincere words. This way you can think through everything carefully and address not only your daughter, but her future spouse, their family as a whole, thank them, wish them health, love, and prosperity. A wise wife should be able to smooth out family conflicts, so remind your daughter that she is the family’s talisman. Don’t try to rant for a long time; it’s better to keep your speech concise and not too long.

It is not customary to touch the image with bare hands, so prepare a towel. A towel (rushnik) can be purchased, but if it is embroidered by the caring hands of the mother, it will be an enhanced manifestation of attention and love. What icon should I use to bless my daughter before the wedding so that the ceremony is as correct as possible? The most suitable image is the image of the Kazan Mother of God or Jesus Christ, who is held by the mother, and the father gives her an icon in a towel.

Blessing of the mother of the bride

The groom's mother meets the newly-made family, and you are given the mission of guiding the newlyweds on this journey. When wishing young people, every woman should be responsive and wish well from the heart. Remember that the girl chose the man for herself, so you should respect her choice and not reproach or argue with him. Your opinion in this matter has already faded into the background for the bride, so listen to her thoughts and calm your worries. Thank your daughter’s chosen one for the fact that you were lucky enough to give her into caring hands who will take care of her just like you and your father.

Little tips

• You should purchase several towels for the image and loaf. Each icon is held with a separate towel. Each loaf, and there may be several of them, should have its own holiday towel.
• Before kissing the icon, the mother or father baptizes the young people with it three times, while making the sign from top to bottom, note, from left to right, so that the young people receive the Orthodox sign of the cross, from right to left.
• The entire church wedding ceremony must be previously discussed with the clergyman, so that everyone present at the wedding and holding the icon knows what and how to do.

Attention! In the old days, without parental permission and blessing, a priest did not have the right to perform a wedding ceremony. Disobedient children who entered into an unmarried marriage without parental blessing were deprived of inheritance and acceptance in society.

A prayer request before the Creator with holy images has great power, because in this case a piece of the family happiness of the parents is inherited by the children, by blessing whom the father and mother ask for the intercession of the Almighty God.