Recently, many have become interested in: how to properly conduct an Orthodox wedding? Moreover, this question is asked even by people who have a good education. For example, Mikhail, a university teacher from Novosibirsk, asks on the Orthodox website Tatyana’s Day:
How should Orthodox people celebrate a wedding?
Orthodox website Tatiana's Day
This is a very important question, since Orthodox marriage is a sacrament, as a result of which the bride and groom receive the blessing and grace of God. That is why the Orthodox wedding ceremony is divided into 6 stages, which must be strictly observed.
The family in Christianity is a “small church”
In the Orthodox Church, a church marriage or wedding is a Christian marital union of a man and a woman, concluded through a sacred ceremony in a religious community. This is how it differs from a civil marriage, which is concluded in a state institution or a registry office. In historical churches, marriage is considered a sacrament of the church.
"Wedding". N.P. Bogdanov-Belsky. 1904 In marriage, spouses receive the grace and blessing of God, since wedding is one of the Church Sacraments
According to church teaching, in this sacrament the bride and groom, who are united by love and mutual consent, receive the grace and blessing of God. They are necessary for mutual consent in married life, the blessed birth of children and their upbringing in the Christian faith.
The ultimate goal of an Orthodox marriage is the salvation of all family members. This is why in Christianity the family is called the “small church.”
Bride's outfit at a church wedding
In order to enter the church and get married, the bride must wear suitable attire:
- There must be a veil or scarf on the head;
- Sandals are excluded, only shoes should be on your feet;
- It is prohibited to enter the temple in trousers;
- If your dress does not cover your shoulders, chest, back or arms, you need to throw a cape over them;
- It is better to avoid a lush veil, since candles are used during the wedding ceremony, and it can be damaged by fire.
- Makeup should be minimal.
In the Holy Scriptures, the second chapter of the Book of Genesis is dedicated to marriage.
The sacrament of marriage belongs to the type of sacraments that originate from Old Testament times. Moreover, according to Gen. 2:18 The purpose of marriage is not only procreation, but also spiritual-physical unity and mutual assistance. The Fathers of the Church say that the commandment “be fruitful and multiply” applies to both humans and other living beings.
In the Bible, the second chapter of the Book of Genesis is dedicated to weddings.
In the Holy Scriptures, namely in the Old Testament, the entire second chapter of the Book of Genesis is devoted to marriage. According to it, the meaning and purpose of marriage is eternal and indivisible unity in the image of the Persons of the Holy Trinity.
This is exactly how the Bible describes the heavenly marriage of Adam and Eve (Gen. 2:18).
Eve is led to Adam. Mosaic of the Cathedral in Montreal, 12th century. Marriage or the union of the male and female principles into one flesh appeared before the Fall in Paradise through the marriage of Adam and Eve, blessed by God
It should be noted that the Holy Scripture says that the unification of the two sexes - male and female into one flesh, or the establishment of the institution of marriage, occurred even before the Fall in Paradise.
That is why it would be a mistake to recognize the fact that marriage was established after the Fall.
The revelation of the divine plan for marriage occurs during the conversation of Jesus Christ with the Pharisees.
(Matt. 19:3)
The attitude of the Russian Orthodox Church to marriage is expressed in the “Fundamentals of the Social Concept”, adopted in 2000.
See also the article Why you can’t get married during Lent
Wedding and wedding: the main differences
We should start with the fact that a wedding and a wedding are two different events. And if wedding days are limited to church, then you can go to the registry office and have a festive feast on any day, regardless of the recommendations of the Orthodox calendar.
An Orthodox wedding has six stages
An Orthodox wedding includes six stages, and not all of them are related to the wedding. Each region has its own traditions of wedding celebrations, but the following points are almost always observed:
- matchmaking or family negotiations on the part of the bride and groom;
- bridesmaid viewing or the arrival of the bride's relatives to the house of the future groom in order to assess his financial capabilities;
- engagement or betrothal;
- hen or stag party, the purpose of which is to say goodbye to bachelorhood;
- sacrament of wedding;
- wedding celebrations.
Matchmaking.
To Tetmeier. 1895 Matchmaking is one of the six stages of an Orthodox wedding. Unlike the wedding of non-believers, the wedding of Orthodox Christians should be modest, without excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages. It is also not welcomed when the bride and groom stay late at night with guests, participating in a festive feast.
It would be optimal if after the first part of the wedding meal the newlyweds leave. This was often done in ancient times, because newlyweds needed to take a break from the tedious marriage ceremony and be together as husband and wife.
Crown
Before the wedding, a crown was placed on the bride's head in her parents' house - a symbol of girlhood. This ritual was accompanied by preparations for the celebration, which simultaneously took place both in the bride’s house and in the groom’s house. Before leaving for church, the newlyweds were always blessed by their parents. During the wedding, the bride had to undo her braids, and after the sacrament, her hair was braided into two braids.
Holding a Christian wedding in compliance with all traditions is almost impossible today, but following most of them is possible. In order for the wedding to take place with dignity, it is necessary to think through the scenario of the celebration in advance and seriously prepare for the event.
In an Orthodox marriage, wife and husband become one flesh
According to the Christian Church, a husband and wife in marriage become one flesh forever. Such a sacrament of union can only be destroyed by the sin of adultery.
That is why spouses bear mutual responsibility for the safety of the marriage union. Jesus Christ says this about it:
“...and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
(Matt. 5:19)
The Russian Orthodox Church distinguishes three rites of marriage.
Great breviary. It contains a description of the three rites of marriage
The Russian Orthodox Church distinguishes three rites for the celebration of marriage:
- the succession of the great wedding. He says it in ch. 16 - 19 of the Great Trebnik. This rite is performed when one of the spouses marries for the first time;
- follow-up on a second marriage. The description of the rank is in chap. 21 of the Great Breviary and it is fulfilled when both those getting married remarry;
- the subsequent church consecration of the union of spouses who have lived together for many years without a church blessing.
Spread of the section “On those getting married” in the metric book of the village of Skirki, Vyshnevolotsk district, Tver province.
1903 The fact of the Wedding, in addition to the bride and groom, must be confirmed by witnesses, putting signatures under the corresponding entries in the metric book. The wedding procedure in the Russian Orthodox Church has been constantly improved. In 1775, the Synod decided to perform the rites of betrothal and wedding at the same time. An exception to this rule was made only for persons of the imperial family.
Since 1802, at the Wedding, in addition to the bride and groom, it became mandatory to present witnesses who confirmed the accomplished act of Marriage with their signatures in the metric book of the temple.
Church wedding plan
Future newlyweds need to create a wedding day script. It should consist of the following steps:
- Ransom. This custom goes back to ancient times. The groom had to pay money for his bride to her parents to prove his love and devotion. Now the payment is symbolic in nature and the amount collected from the ransom goes to the family budget of the newlyweds. The future wife and her girlfriends must come up with tasks that the groom will perform;
- Marriage registration. In our state, in order to officially be considered husband and wife, it is necessary to register their union in the registry office. If the newlyweds do not plan to have a grand celebration, they can do it together without guests and relatives;
- Wedding. This is the main condition for observing all church traditions at a Christian wedding. Young people often get married directly on the wedding day or the next day. Only after this ritual has been completed, the newlyweds’ relationship is considered legal according to Orthodox canons;
- Wedding photo shoot. Nowadays, not a single wedding celebration is complete without this;
- Festive banquet. It is impossible to imagine a wedding without a feast. The newlyweds are blessed in front of him by their parents with a loaf of bread, and then everyone goes to the banquet hall.
- Entertainment. It may include congratulations, toasts, dancing and competitions.
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The wedding is the heart of the Orthodox wedding ceremony
The sacrament of marriage is the heart of the Orthodox wedding ceremony. The bride and groom must always remember that this is a church sacrament and therefore must be treated appropriately.
In addition, it is also necessary to know that in Russia the concept of church marriage is absent in legislation. Therefore, in any case, for the state, the young people will have to formalize their relationship at the registry office.
"Conclusion of a civil marriage." Painting by Swiss artist Albert Anker. 1887 The Russian Orthodox Church recognizes civil marriage, says that it is deprived of God’s Grace
In addition, there are church and canonical obstacles to marriage. That is why not every marriage registered in the registry office will be sanctified by the Church. The Russian Orthodox Church considers civil marriage to be devoid of grace, but in fact recognizes it and does not consider it illegal fornication.
In any case, the priest will require a certificate from the registry office from the newlyweds, since checking the age of majority, the mental and physical health of the bride and groom, and the voluntariness of their marriage is the responsibility of the state.
The Russian Orthodox Church considers civil marriage to be devoid of grace, but in fact recognizes it.
The Orthodox Church clearly defines the reasons why the Sacrament of Marriage cannot be performed. They are as follows:
- Marriage is not allowed more than three times.
- It is prohibited for persons who are in close degrees of relationship, up to the fourth degree (that is, with a second cousin) to enter into Marriage.
- A Church Marriage is impossible if one of the spouses (or both) declare themselves atheists and want to get married, guided by extraneous motives.
- A couple is not married if at least one of the future spouses is not baptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding.
- A marriage is not celebrated if one of the parties is actually married to another person. If this marriage is civil, then it must be dissolved in accordance with the procedure established by state law. If it is church, then the bishop’s permission is required for its dissolution and blessing for entering into a new Marriage.
- An obstacle to marriage is the spiritual relationship between godfathers who baptized one child and between godparents and godchildren.
- The marriage will not be celebrated if at least one of the spouses professes a non-Christian religion (Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism). But a marriage performed according to a Catholic or Protestant rite, as well as a non-Christian marriage, if even only one of the spouses has joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid at their request. When both spouses, whose marriage was concluded according to a non-Christian rite, convert to Christianity, it is not necessary to perform a wedding, since their marriage is sanctified by the grace of Baptism.
- You cannot marry those who have taken monastic vows, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination.
The age of majority, the mental and physical health of the bride and groom, and the voluntariness of their marriage are mandatory conditions for registering a civil marriage. Therefore, the Church does not take part in clarifying these circumstances, but requires from those who come to the Sacrament of Wedding a certificate of state registration of marriage.
The absence of parental blessing for the wedding (especially when they are atheists) in the event of the age of majority of the bride and groom cannot prevent the wedding.
Certificate-permission for marriage of a peasant and a peasant woman. 1875 Kostroma district
Church canons establish bans on weddings in some cases. Verification of compliance with the requirements of church canons is entrusted to secular authorities. If previously a special certificate for marriage was issued by the volost clerk, then in our time it is necessary to provide a certificate from the registry office.
If the priest refuses to perform the wedding, the newlyweds can go to the registry office, but the Church will not sanctify such a marriage. At the same time, in principle, Orthodox Christians can get married up to three times, but the second marriage is a reason to think about it.
The fact is that if your married life is not working out for you, it means you are not ready for it yet and it is better to wait than to break off and enter into again a marriage union sanctified by God’s Grace.
Celebration (festivities)
Celebrations began immediately at my husband’s parental home. The entire holiday is accompanied by songs and poems, not only for the newlyweds, but also for their parents. The songs are sung live by absolutely all the guests. At the time of presentation of gifts, poetry was often recited. In the evening, the matchmaker made the bed for the newlyweds. And the groom bought her. In the morning, guests were shown a sheet with bloody marks. Thus proving the girl’s innocence. And if it turned out that the girl was not a virgin, then she and her relatives were ridiculed, a collar was hung around their necks and the gates were covered with tar. On the second day, the festivities moved to the bride’s parental home, and on the third, back to the groom’s. During the second day, a ritual took place - “the search for the little bird.” Yarochka (the bride) was hidden in the house, and the guests were looking for her.
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There are days when the sacrament of wedding is not performed
In the Orthodox Church there are days when the Sacrament of Marriage is not performed. Accordingly, an Orthodox wedding cannot take place.
- during all four multi-day fasts;
- during Cheese Week (Maslenitsa);
- on Bright (Easter) Week;
- during the Christmastide period: from the Nativity of Christ (January 7, according to the current style) to the Epiphany (January 19, according to the current style);
- on the eve of the twelve and great holidays;
- on the eve of fasting days - Wednesday and Friday, as well as on Saturdays throughout the year;
- on the eve and on the day of the feast of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 10 and 11 according to the present day);
- on the eve and on the day of the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross (September 26 and 27 according to the present day);
- on the eve of the patronal feast days of the temple in which they plan to perform the Sacrament.
Photo session of the Sacrament of Wedding in the Annunciation Cathedral in Voronezh.
An Orthodox Christian can only get married in an Orthodox church, and the Sacrament itself can only be performed by a legally appointed “white” priest.
An exception to these rules can be made only with the blessing of the ruling bishop, and then in the presence of emergency circumstances. At the same time, it is also necessary to remember that the Sacrament of Wedding can only be performed by a legally appointed “white” priest.
The place where the Sacrament is performed is any Orthodox church.
Many temples have pre-registration, and the problem with it must be resolved in advance. If there is a desire for a specific priest to perform the wedding, it is necessary to discuss this issue with him, otherwise the Sacrament will be performed by the priest whose “turn” falls on that day
When to hold a church wedding ceremony
A wedding is a church ceremony. Consequently, its implementation depends on the rules of the Church. It is strongly recommended not to have a church wedding during most holidays. It is also prohibited to get married on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, as well as on Lent days.
The best days for a wedding according to the church calendar are marked in green in the picture below.
Additionally, the bride needs to check her personal calendar so that the wedding day does not fall on her menstruation. After all, according to the canons, on the days of menstruation a woman is considered dirty and has no right to enter the church.
And considering that each temple may also have its own additional holidays, it is better to discuss favorable days with the priest with whom you are going to get married.
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In general, the best time for weddings and weddings is autumn . And this is also connected with the traditions of our ancestors. In the spring you have to work - plow, in the summer you have to take care of the harvest, and in the fall, after harvesting, you can play weddings. Another time for weddings is early spring - before the sowing season.
The wedding at an Orthodox wedding is preceded by betrothal
Future spouses must prepare for the wedding. First of all, this concerns joint fasting, repentance, prayers and communion. Preparations for a wedding also include everyday matters. This includes choosing comfortable shoes, clarifying issues of photo and video shooting, and the presence of crosses on the body.
Wedding in St. Isaac's Cathedral in St. Petersburg. One of the duties of best men at an Orthodox wedding is to hold crowns over the newlyweds.
It is also necessary to remember that best men do not participate in the Sacrament of Wedding. Their presence on it is a tribute to tradition. In addition, best men should hold crowns over the newlyweds, not because this is a requirement of church canons, but in order not to wrinkle their hair. In any case, it is desirable that they belong to the Orthodox.
Those getting married must know what the priest says in order to understand what to do in a given case. The wedding ceremony itself begins with betrothal. To do this, after the end of the service in the church, the newlyweds stand in its vestibule facing the altar: the groom on the right, the bride on the left.
During the Liturgy, the rings that the newlyweds must exchange are on the throne in the altar of the temple close to each other. Then, when the wedding begins, the deacon takes them out to the priest on a special tray.
Orthodox wedding rings. During the wedding, the deacon carries out the wedding rings after the priest on a special tray
During the engagement, the priest approaches the newlyweds and blesses them three times with lighted candles. If this is the first marriage for the bride and groom, candles are given to them. This concludes the engagement.
Determining the wedding date
Before you run to the registry office, you need to decide on the number yourself. Of course, we need to consider neutral days that are not associated with sorrowful memories. It is worth avoiding those days when one of your relatives has gone to another world. A strong connection is formed in the subconscious about this, which means that the wedding moment will inevitably be overshadowed. Choosing a wedding date is not as easy as it seems at first glance. It is necessary to deeply analyze the current situation.
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What astrologers say
These specialists develop the most successful dates for creating a family union. For this purpose, an in-depth analysis of the position of the Moon and the Sun is carried out. If we turn to the symbolic meaning of marriage, then the husband represents the Sun, and the wife represents the Moon. To understand which day will be successful, you need to determine when the Moon will be in the zodiac sign under which the girl was born, and the Sun in the sign under which the guy was born. But there are also general recommendations.
You cannot plan a wedding if the Moon is in the signs of Virgo, Scorpio or Capricorn. Lunar eclipses are also serious obstacles to the creation of a new unit of society.
Choice according to numerology
Taking into account the individual meanings of numerical symbols, you can attract good luck into your life. Numerologists advise paying attention to numbers, especially at the moment of making fateful decisions. Experts say that it is useful to carry out all difficult undertakings from the first day - this makes it easier to get involved in the matter, to feel inner confidence and support. A wedding is a serious stage in the life of every person. If the celebration is planned for the first days of the month, this thought inspires and adds strength. But there are also unlucky dates that you should try to avoid in every possible way. These include birthday, December 31, January 1, January 13.
If there are personal transition periods, then these are also not suitable for holiday planning. Otherwise, the marriage will not last long. No one wants to discover after a while that family life is empty and does not bring joy, and the best years were wasted on an alliance with a stranger. The date of particular note is February 29th. Since it occurs only once every 4 years, the brain does not take it seriously. Family life will present many surprises and be filled with difficulties.
Thus, it is better to have a wedding at the right time. In former times, a young couple relied entirely on their parents' will. Now the opinion of father and mother is not so important for lovers. You have to think for yourself, but remember existing superstitions.
The sacrament of wedding is performed in front of the lectern
The wedding ceremony itself includes: betrothal, the wedding itself, permission of the crowns and a prayer service. At the same time, at present there is no time interval between the sacraments of betrothal and wedding. That is why they merge into one ceremony, continuing each other.
Wedding rings. Orthodox wedding rings are made of gold, because its shine symbolizes Heavenly light
During the wedding of the bride and groom, a ceremony is held to exchange gold rings. The exchange must be completed three times. The golden ring is a symbol of the eternity of continuity and the eternity of the marriage union, since the ring has no beginning or end.
In addition, its brilliance signifies the heavenly light that illuminates the marriage from the moment of its conclusion until the death of one of the spouses.
Wedding crowns are a symbol of eternal life.
The words of the priest at a wedding have a sacred meaning. Thus, the following speech of the priest has a secret meaning in the rite:
“Lord our God, crown me with glory and honor”
The full text is contained in the Wedding Ceremony.
In this way, and also by placing crowns on the heads of those getting married, the King of creation is glorified. Moreover, according to the Christian tradition, the family is a small church.
Church crowns. Church crowns are a symbol of eternal life, as well as the fact that the husband becomes a king for his wife, and his wife becomes a queen for him
Wedding crowns are a symbol of eternal life. In addition, they mean that after the wedding, the newlyweds become king and queen to each other. At the same time, they make a promise to each other before God to maintain chastity in marriage.
If one of the spouses does not have the strength to keep it and breaks his vow, he will thereby destroy the small church and commit a great sin.
Marriage and wedding
This is the most important stage of the wedding celebration. During it, the newlyweds go to the registry office, where they officially enter into a marriage. After this, a beautiful wedding ceremony takes place in the church, but there are times when it is missed. It is believed that a wedding seals marriage in heaven, which means that it does not imply divorce.
That is why this ceremony is especially serious, and not every couple can decide to do it. In addition, she suggests some restrictions for the bride's dress - it must be with closed shoulders, with a skirt below the knee length.
After the entire official part there is a festive banquet. Here guests can relax, eat delicious food, make speeches and congratulations to the newlyweds, give wedding gifts, dance, and take part in competitions.
The wishes for this part of the celebration can be absolutely anything, but most often the hosts or toastmaster try to maintain a relaxed and light atmosphere, especially persistently avoiding excessive pathos, lengthy poems glorifying the newlyweds, and unnecessary and boring recitations.
To create more memories of the celebration, professional photographers, videographers, and musicians are often hired. Photographers will record every important moment, from the bride price to the banquet.
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They can also do separate photo shoots for the bridal party and guests, so that everyone has a piece of their own memory of this special day.
Video filming is no less significant, but here you need to know one important thing - if you can still save money on video and ask one of your friends to film the holiday, then you cannot save money on musicians.
Live music is an important component of an aesthetically pleasing wedding, because unprofessional musicians who play poorly or even play along with a soundtrack can greatly ruin the impression of the celebration.
Outside the church, an Orthodox wedding must take place chastely
After the priest performs the wedding sacrament, most of the newlyweds and wedding guests go to the festive table. At the same time, Orthodox Christians must behave modestly and chastely behind him. You should not drink large quantities of alcoholic beverages, start fights, etc.
Wedding feast "Russian wedding". Splint. 1880s. Orthodox Christians must observe modesty at a wedding: do not drink excessively alcoholic beverages and indulge in depraved dancing.
Nowadays, you can contact your parish priest or an agency that specializes in organizing holidays. They will tell you how you can hold an Orthodox wedding according to all church canons, as well as keep its guests occupied.
In addition, some registry offices organize Orthodox weddings by prior agreement with the Russian Orthodox Church.
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Matchmaking girl
Matchmakers from the young man’s side came to the girl’s parents, but they didn’t talk about matchmaking directly. The text was prepared in advance, trying to confuse the evil spirits as much as possible so that they could not disrupt the wedding.
Eg:
We saw a beautiful flower here, and we have a good garden for it. Will you allow us to transplant your flower into this garden?
At first, the matchmakers did not receive a positive answer; this was mandatory, since the guy’s relatives were obliged to persuade and convince the girl’s relatives about the need for their wedding. The entire matchmaking took place with songs, jokes and dancing.
In our modern world, such a ritual as matchmaking has already become obsolete and is practically not carried out by young people.
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