Meeting the parents of a guy and a girl. An important stage in a relationship.

Neutral territory

Before the meeting, you need to decide on the meeting place. The parents of the bride and groom can be invited to a cafe or restaurant. The advantages of this option for organizing a meeting are that relatives or the newlyweds themselves will not need to stand at the stove and prepare for the meeting (do general cleaning, for example). No one will evaluate the culinary delights of the mother of the bride, shifting her skills to her daughter, or the renovation and decoration of the apartment.

True, in this case, the first meeting of the parents of the bride and groom also requires preparation. Often newlyweds decide to choose a place where none of the invitees have been, so that everyone is on an equal footing and the territory is truly neutral. This is not the best option, because in this case the service may be of poor quality or the food may not be tasty, which will leave an unpleasant impression of the meeting.

It is also important to take into account the budget so that newly-made relatives do not remain in debt to each other after the first meeting. A table must be reserved in advance, especially if the meeting is scheduled for a weekend or Friday evening. You need to know that the favorite place of the young may cease to be such if one of the relatives does not like it.

Invitation to visit

The acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom can also be done at the home of one of the relatives. This will help the mothers of the newlyweds to show off their signature dishes (if the girl’s parents are going to visit her future husband, they can take some home-cooked dish with them). Getting to know each other at home will allow you to demonstrate hospitality, and the inviting party will also feel calmer in their own territory, so they will be able to defuse the situation if something happens. But a conflict may arise: who should invite whom? Traditionally, the groom's parents came to woo the bride's parents, and as a dowry they received coins, household utensils, towels and bed linen, jewelry - much depended on the financial situation of the family.

What you need to understand before your first acquaintance

An invitation to meet your mother and father is a step towards marriage

The man is determined, the opinion of his parents is important to him

The first meeting cannot be repeated, and the first impression is easy to spoil

You need to ask your guy for help in preparing for an important moment

Choosing an appropriate image for the meeting, deciding where it will take place, what to take with you - everything needs to be thought out in advance.

Gathering information before the meeting

You should not demand that your future husband reveal family secrets; excessive knowledge will repel you.

But there are some things you need to find out:

Family composition. The guy may be part of a large friendly family or the only child of self-sufficient parents. You can assume in advance that a large family will require heirs from your daughter-in-law, and think in advance about how to conduct the conversation if your immediate plans are to finish your studies or devote a couple of years to your career.
Interests and hobbies of parents. Hobbies become the topic of a fascinating conversation, but passion for vegetarian philosophy can ruin communication with your hunter-in-law. Information about your hobby will help you choose the topic of conversation.
Forbidden topics. You definitely need to find out from the guy what is best not to mention so as not to evoke unpleasant memories.
Religion. It is not difficult to respect the religious concepts of guests. The future mother-in-law will appreciate it if she finds an approved dish on the table during Lent.
Habits. Whether family members hug when they meet, what they like to eat, what kind of music they like - knowing these things will help organize a pleasant meeting.

What to give when meeting a guy's parents

The choice of the first gift will tell a lot about your future daughter-in-law.

Girls are willing to spend a considerable amount of money to make a good impression. But such a decision is not always justified. Large expenses can make future in-laws feel obligated or irritated.

An expensive gift may be perceived as a claim on personal space or an attempt to buy favor.

The choice for the first acquaintance is flowers, a box of chocolate, a cake. You can order an original cake from a pastry shop or bake it yourself.

Another idea is a fruit basket.

What to wear

A future family member is also greeted by their clothes. Parents want a decent, modest girl for a daughter-in-law.

There is no need to give up your own individuality to please strangers; it is only important to show respect for their concern for choosing a son. Taboo for the first meeting:

Taboo for the first meeting:

bare stomach;
high slits;
predatory manicure;
deep neckline;
too bright makeup;
piercing;
tattoo;

It is necessary to take into account family traditions, the lifestyle of the parents, the circumstances and the place of acquaintance.

You can come to a meeting with your biker parents in jeans with studs and a bandana, and in a family with a traditional way of life, a girl in a modest dress will be welcome.

Clothing is chosen taking into account the situation. A business suit looks ridiculous if a girl has been invited to a dacha, but will be suitable for a restaurant if the time of the meeting did not allow you to go home to change clothes.

Hair and makeup

The best makeup is nude. It should refresh the skin, hide signs of fatigue, and highlight the guest’s dignity. Scarlet lipstick and smoky eyes will wait for the next party.

The best makeup is nude

Clean hair, styled in a simple hairstyle, will emphasize the elegance of a girl, while an elaborate hairstyle can do a disservice and be inappropriate.

Invited

Who should be present at the meeting of the parents of the bride and groom, what should they say to the newly-made relatives? Here the answer is obvious. You should not invite many relatives to the first meeting. The young people themselves and their parents are enough. You can meet grandmothers, aunts and cousins later. But it is permissible to invite other relatives to this event if the bride or groom has single-parent families. For example, a single mother of a girl can come to a meeting with her sister or the bride's grandmother.

Cultural program

Traditionally, meeting the parents of the bride and groom is matchmaking, but in modern conditions everything has changed. Most likely, new acquaintances will carefully take a closer look at each other, so tension may accompany the meeting. In fact, finding neutral themes is not that difficult. But it doesn't have to be a wedding. Before discussing the event, you need to talk a little about general topics. Therefore, you need to prepare those that are close to both relatives. Maybe mothers love cooking, and both couples spend their free time at the dacha? These are great conversation starters.

Traditionally, parents talk about the childhood of young people. This is not a taboo topic, but everything should be in moderation. It’s worth checking to see if mom took with her all the family photo albums, where the bride or groom is not always presented in a presentable form. They will still have time for this. For the first meeting, it is enough to take a few favorite photos if the parents want. This will help, if necessary, to switch the topic to something more neutral.

Rush hour - how to behave with your boyfriend's parents

And now, the cherished moment has come. You came on time. The cake was presented, everyone was introduced to each other. Let's move on to the next step - creating the perfect image. How to behave with a guy’s parents? To do this, we follow the rules of the three “NOTs”:

don’t interrupt;
don’t show our nuts;
Let's not turn our noses up.

You need to hide your cockroaches in your head far away. We try to show interest in the topic of conversation, even if we don’t like it. We don’t interrupt and don’t interfere with our additions if mom or dad say something. We don’t show arrogance, after all, not at a reception with the queen.

Remember:

You should not focus attention on yourself . Ask your parents more about their hobbies or about their son.
Be humble . If parents have noticed positive changes in their son’s character after meeting you, there is no need to focus on this and boast that “yes, yes, we will fix a lot of things and teach your son a lot of things.”
Don't have a passionate hug in front of your parents . Now is not the time to cuddle and kiss. Even if you feel uncomfortable among them, this is not a reason for such behavior.
When you first meet, you can clarify with them how they want you to address them . If you haven’t done this, then it will always be correct to call them by their patronymic name. If this does not suit them, they themselves will later say how it will be better.
If the first meeting took place on your territory - in the apartment where you live with your boyfriend, then it would be right to prepare for their arrival . Bring as much order as possible. Wash all corners and shelves. But don't forget about food. Ask the guy what his parents' food preferences are and prepare dishes accordingly.
You shouldn't chat incessantly . If you don't know what to say, it's better to remain silent.

Menu preparation

If the meeting of the bride and groom's parents takes place on neutral territory, that is, in a restaurant or cafe, then you need to choose an establishment with neutral cuisine. You shouldn’t choose a Japanese restaurant, because not everyone is comfortable eating with chopsticks, and sushi is a specific food, and not everyone likes it. It may be that one of your relatives has a negative attitude towards raw fish. Therefore, you should give preference to a restaurant serving European cuisine with a large selection of dishes to suit every taste.

If the meeting is planned at home, you need to find out in advance about the gastronomic preferences of the invited guests. It is advisable to clarify about your least favorite dishes and the presence of food allergies. This will allow you to adjust the menu. And such questions will make it clear to the invited party that the young people and their parents care about them and are trying to please.

How to please your boyfriend's parents

Any girl dreams that after meeting her, only pleasant impressions remain about her. How to please a guy's parents and win their sympathy? Let's start in order:

Help . A good step would be to offer your help to the guy's mother when setting the table. If the table is set, then offer to help her clear the table after the dinner party is over. His mother will appreciate such an impulse, and a plus in the piggy bank is guaranteed.

Ekaterina, actress.
I remember how his mother told me later: “Not one of Andrei’s girlfriends has washed the dishes after dinner with us.” I was very pleased.

Show concern for the young man . It should be remembered that his mother evaluates you not only by your appearance, but also by your ability to take care of her son. It’s enough just like that, supposedly casually offering him to try a salad or something else. In general, show your care and affection in every possible way.
Measure in everything . When such maternal efforts are manifested, one should not reach the point of fanaticism. Otherwise, from the outside, the girl will look like a mother hen.
Eat everything! Here you should forget about the diet, and about the diet and its regime. Do you already know in advance that lunch will be filling? Arrange a fasting day the day before, but try all the dishes on the table. There is no need to pile mountains of food on yourself, just try a little of everything. A good appetite among guests is the best praise for the hostess, in this case the mother of the groom.
Compliment her culinary skills . This can be done in a very simple way. Say that you have never eaten such and such a salad, and ask for the recipe. It is better to cooperate with your future mother-in-law than to be on opposite sides of the barricades. The main thing is to show interest, it will not hurt you if you are polite and ask for the recipe, this does not mean that you will cook it at home every day.

Wedding discussion

You should not immediately move on to talking about the upcoming marriage. At the first meeting, you don’t even have to remember this, but allow parents to talk about common and favorite topics, learn more about each other, communicate and share impressions. Young people also need to get involved in the conversation in order to track unpleasant and taboo topics if the conversation comes up, and adjust the dialogue, pointing it in the right direction. A good distraction is to look at children's photos of the bride or groom, old videos, for example, from the parents' wedding or from the childhood of the newlyweds.

About mistakes and taboos

Young people often make mistakes that negatively affect the entire event. To avoid misunderstandings, you should remember what behavior should be prohibited:

To please her parents, a girl should not dress brightly and vulgarly. The young man's mom and dad will like a formal dress or pantsuit, rather than a flashy mini with a deep neckline. The groom should choose smart trousers and a shirt.
A woman’s makeup, like her wardrobe, should be discreet. False eyelashes and a thick layer of foundation will cause horror rather than delight.
Before the meeting, the girl needs to get her nails in order. It is better to paint them in light, non-garish colors. There should be no long nails.
You should not bring up the topic of your former relationship. Parents don't need to know the details of this part of life.
You should not conduct dialogues in a raised voice or express emotions vividly. This is especially true for demonstrative communication in couples. The mother or father will not like that their son or daughter is treated rudely.
At the meeting, you should forget about bad habits. The other party may not like parents who smoke.
You can't be late for a meeting. Such an outburst will be regarded as disrespect.
The parents of a girl or boy must be addressed strictly by name and patronymic. Some young people switch to “you,” “dad,” or “mama” without permission. This is not worth doing.

The acquaintance will be great if you prepare for it carefully. The main thing is not to be nervous. If you treat future relatives with respect, they will definitely respond in kind.

General prohibitions

There are rules for introducing the parents of the bride and groom, but most of the traditional instructions are no longer followed today. Therefore, you just need to be polite and adhere to the general rules of etiquette. You should avoid discussing politics, health, football and sports in general (if your parents have different interests and support different teams). It must be remembered that every family has its own skeletons in the closet, so mentioning something problematic can ruin not only the entire first impression, but also further relationships between relatives.

What to talk about at the first meeting

How to behave when meeting someone and what to talk about at a meeting?

To make parents more comfortable, it is better to come up with a list of topics for conversation in advance. If there is an awkward pause, you can suggest a general topic , for example, about dating young people or childhood. It should be remembered that not all topics are good for conversation. Politics, like other topics that can cause heated debate, are best avoided.

On the eve of the meeting, it is better to discuss with mom and dad all the awkward moments that may arise: questions that are better not to ask or stories that are better not to tell. In general, prepare mentally for meeting future relatives.

It is better to meet matchmakers without touching on the topic of the upcoming wedding. All planning issues can be postponed for a later meeting or left to decide what kind of wedding the wedding will be like.

The main rule when dating is to relax . Even if the relationship between the couple’s relatives does not work out, this does not in any way prevent the newlyweds from being happy in their marriage. Meeting matchmakers does not oblige you to friendship or any close communication in the future, after the wedding. Polite communication on common holidays will be quite enough.

Some tips

It is very important that the acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom cannot be combined with the acquaintance of the bride or groom herself with the parents of the chosen one. At the time of the meeting, they should already know each other, otherwise there is a very high probability that something will not go according to plan. If the groom's parents go to visit the bride's relatives, then you need to remind your lover that it is worth taking flowers not only for the girl, but also for her mother. Gifts are generally not needed to introduce the groom's parents to the bride's parents, but if one family goes to visit another, it is better to take a bottle of wine or some kind of treat with you, for example, a box of chocolates.

A glass of wine will relax the guests, but nothing more. If young fathers like to drink, then you need to at least monitor the amount of alcohol, otherwise the tense situation can only worsen or even lead to unpleasant incidents.

In addition, you should not look for double meaning in the words of parents and relatives. It is unlikely that anyone wants to insult guests intentionally. You just need to relax and discuss the nuances of the upcoming celebration in a pleasant atmosphere. All people are different. Some parents may be modest and shy people, while others may be lively and able to get their way in any circumstances.

If the young people know in advance that one of the relatives may take the conversation in the wrong direction, then perhaps it is worth inviting another relative. A witty and talkative (but on-topic) aunt or wise grandmother will help defuse the situation if something goes wrong. But this guest should not direct all attention to himself. Therefore, it is worth warning this person in advance about his role as an assistant.

It is important to remember that the main thing is the atmosphere that young people create. The meeting can go well even if the parents are initially skeptical of each other. Of course, each family is individual and there are no general rules, but the tips listed above will help organize the acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom as best as possible.

What to give to the groom's parents when they meet?

Getting to know your beloved's parents should begin with a smile, a greeting and a small gift. Ask your loved one what kind of cookies, chocolate or cake his family likes. Buy these sweets in beautiful packaging and present them at your first meeting. To make the presented gift a proof of your culinary abilities, you can prepare your own confectionery masterpiece.

If the meeting is planned for the evening, find out what wine the parents prefer. A bottle of red Merlot will be a great addition to the treats on the table. It is recommended to refrain from giving gifts in the form of highly fortified drinks at the first meeting. If the groom warned that his father collects cognac, then in this case one bottle would be appropriate. You should refrain from presenting the following surprises:

The groom's mother should not be given cosmetics, perfumes or underwear on the first day of meeting her. It will look uncivilized and unethical. For example, an anti-aging cream will be seen as an opportunity to point out her shortcomings.
You can't give very expensive gifts. Such a surprise can make the groom's parents feel a sense of responsibility and duty.
Do not give pets as gifts when meeting someone. Not everyone has a positive attitude towards having a dog or cat in the apartment. But if you know for sure that the chosen one’s family dreams of a pet, in this case such a gift would be appropriate.
You cannot give your father-in-law a tie or shirt. According to the rules of etiquette, such a gift can be presented by the closest people.

Start your first acquaintance with the groom's mother with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, which you can give yourself or entrust to your chosen one. Such a surprise will create a pleasant impression of their son's bride. If the acquaintance takes place on a holiday, time your gift to coincide with this celebration. And remember, it doesn’t matter what gift you give to the groom’s parents at the first meeting, the main thing is that the surprise is sincere and given with love.