Delaying first sex until your wedding night can be a very rare occurrence. Although choosing to remain a virgin until marriage is the right choice, but unfortunately, it often comes with some judgment, different assumptions and very little understanding about sexual intercourse. It's hard, so most likely you have questions, concerns, or just interest.
This article contains some stories and quotes (anonymous, of course) from girls who postponed sex until marriage. First sex is a serious matter!
#2 This is normal, healthy and your body is made for this
It's not dirty. Sex is not wrong.
“In the run-up to our wedding, I wasn’t particularly excited about sex. This was partly because we didn't limit our sexual activity, and partly definitely because my upbringing made me anxious about sex. In the back of my mind it still felt “wrong.”
“Instead of analyzing these feelings and agreeing with them, I just ignored them completely. In the crazy days leading up to the wedding, there was plenty to worry about. And then in the morning when my husband mentioned that we would have sex that night, I panicked a little. I actually had to pull one of my girlfriends aside and tell her how terrified I was. (She was obviously completely baffled by this attitude, but still gave me good advice to pull myself together and calm down).”
“If I had to go through it again, I would definitely take the week before the wedding to start having sex. I would spend a lot of time convincing myself that sex is good and positive and it will be fun. I think it would help a lot."
#5 Yes, the first time can be terrible.
He can be awkward. It may not seem very good. It may even be painful. This doesn't mean you're doing it wrong! He will get better over time. Doing something for the first time is scary and usually uncomfortable. (Remember to take things slow and gentle and communicate. If it gets too painful, move on to other things).
“What helped me was that I didn’t have crazy expectations of unicorns and fireworks.” I knew the sex would get better over time, and we knew each other so well that we could laugh at awkward or painful moments. And the improvement didn't take as long as I thought. It was actually a lot harder to get back into it after having a baby than it was to adjust to newlywed life, so I think that waiting period before marriage prepared us for other times in life when sex has to be put on hold.”
“To be honest, there were tears of disappointment for both of us right after that. Our first time wasn't too terrible - awkward at best, but it wasn't the one everyone was talking about. The general feeling was: “Is this all?” Luckily, with time and practice, as well as less self-consciousness and a little more self-confidence, things got a lot better - and just kept getting better! Now, after almost six years of marriage and dealing with the added challenges of the third trimester of pregnancy, I can happily say that our sex life continues to improve every time."
“It wasn't great. He was on top and we have since learned that I feel much better when I am on top. However, we realized this literally the next week. We had sex every day of our honeymoon and I think by the time we got back we had really come a long way in figuring out what was right for us. So it wasn't like we had terrible sex for months and months and our honeymoon suffered because of it. We found out what worked! It was fun! And cherished honeymoon memories will always revolve around the morning we spent trying to figure out how to have sex in our tiny hotel shower stall.”
“It was great, painful and really special. I was prepared for some discomfort, but I was surprised that the pain remained a couple of days later. We had a three-day honeymoon and I think we only had sex two or three times because I was in so much pain.”
“You can wait until your wedding night to have sex for the first time, or you can have the most physically perfect Cosmo-style sex on your wedding night, but I don’t think it’s going to be both. The first time sex will not be physically perfect, it will not be the sex you dreamed about and read about in idealized erotica. It's always awkward to figure out how this all happens, and it's usually a little painful for the woman. But physical perfection in sex often eludes even the most experienced couples. And it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter AT ALL. The awkwardness isn't a big deal. This must be the person you love! Laugh at it (did I mention that laughing is the sexiest thing you can do in bed?). Focus on your emotional connection and how this new physical intimacy signifies your new commitment. It's foolish to pursue perfection, but I'd be lying if I said that moments of infinitely perfect emotional connection couldn't be achieved on your wedding night, no matter your sexual experience."
How is the night after the wedding spent in different nations?
During the times of Ancient Rus', the first wedding night was an important and responsible event, for which the entire extended family prepared. The newlyweds immediately after the official marriage ceremony went to the groom’s house, where an already made bed was waiting for them.
Sacks of rye were placed on the base. It was believed that this would bring wealth and material well-being to the family. An embroidered sheet was placed on top. Often there was also a poker underneath, which was supposed to bring healthy children into the house.
The event was always attended by a large number of drunk guests, so the young people were not left alone in the room. A trusted friend was waiting for them outside the door, who guarded the room so that no one would enter and disturb the couple.
The woman initially had to take off her husband’s shoes, and then, after asking permission, undress and lie down next to her chosen one. In Africa, a husband used to knock out his woman’s two front teeth during her wedding night. This was considered a sign that the woman was busy and had a chosen one.
In Scotland, it was believed that the newlyweds had to endure the entire wedding until the end, and only after enduring trials did they have their first wedding night. The guests made loud noise and disturbed the bride and groom. All the most intimate things could happen only after all the guests got tired or left.
In Macedonia, the bride and groom were locked in a room where they had to fight all night. The first to emerge in the morning was the winner, who was subsequently considered the head of the family.
Something similar existed in West Africa, where spouses fought every night for a week. It was believed that all this time they were throwing out future anger and resentment. From now on, they can’t swear or quarrel.
In Japan, to this day there are the most beautiful customs associated with the ritual night. After the wedding, the couple goes to one of the islands where they spend some time. The woman gives her chosen one a sword, which symbolizes his status as a warrior and protector of the new family. A man hands his significant other a large piece of cloth, which he cuts with the gifted sword. An outfit for a woman is sewn from the larger part, and a suit for the first-born from the smaller part.
#6 But he can also be amazing
Not expecting more is one thing, but don’t start with fear!
“What surprised me was the incredible bonding experience. There was something special about going through such a significant public event, surrounded by our friends and family, and then having an equally significant yet intimate personal event between the two of us. After that, I didn't want to stop touching my husband at all. I just felt very close to him. It was a completely unexpected but amazing benefit from waiting until the wedding night to have sex.”
“It was one of the most vulnerable, somewhat uncomfortable and emotional moments of my life. I knew I was with the right guy when my ridiculous scream-laughing follow-up reaction didn't bother him. It was truly worth the wait, and now that I've been married for a few months (by the way, we both fell asleep straight away on our wedding night because it was a long night of dancing!), I can see the positive impact that came from my wait. I will never know how it would have been otherwise, but I am grateful every day that I preserved myself all these years.”
#7 Talk before it happens
Sometimes there is such a worry that if you intend to wait, you are always over the precipice of casual sex if you mention the word "sex" or kiss someone too roughly, or who knows what else. But starting a conversation about sex is important. Yes, yes, you will do this for the first time on your wedding night (or the next day if you're really tired), but this shouldn't be the first time you start communicating about it. Talk about things related to sexual intercourse. Start discussing sex now.
“I had always planned to wait until marriage, so sex and our expectations around it was actually something we had talked about before and discussed often in our relationship. All these boundaries, what we will or won't do, are all good practice for future conversations after marriage about meeting each other's needs, frequency, what we like, etc. We talked a lot more about sex and intimate things during the engagement period, and it was also part of our premarital counseling, which was helpful.”
“We took the 'Hermione approach' to the problem - we went to the library and the Internet and read about it. So we found a book that explained the anatomical process and common problems, but in more detail than ever before, and read it together. One thing the book talked about was that the first time can be painful for a woman, and therefore, she needs to keep in mind that her pain is the last thing her husband wants. Keeping this in mind can help you mentally help make sex more relaxing.”
How to behave on your wedding night for girls
Having become the legal wife of her husband, a girl must bring him pleasure and delight him every day. As for the first wedding night, this is where the first minute of enthusiastic emotions begins, both on the part of the husband and the wife. In order for the girl not to ruin this touching moment, you need to remember two rules:
- A girl needs to be natural, but at the same time remain a mystery to her man. You need to meet your chosen one in a good mood, joke, laugh and create an atmosphere of love and affection. An excellent option would be if you dance a private dance for your husband in a sexy outfit, previously trained with a teacher. The main thing is that all actions take place in a relaxed atmosphere and by mutual consent of both parties.
- The main thing to remember is that the wedding night is a time spent only for yourself. And it is important to spend it with pleasure, so that further married life brings only pleasure. It is strictly forbidden to sort out negative relationships between each other, or to look for reasons for quarrels, reproaches and irritation. It would be a mistake on the part of the girl to organize a role-playing game in which her image does not correspond to reality. After all, it is important for a man to see you natural and genuine every day.
In conclusion, I would like to note that the first wedding night is the departure boat of family life. Be sincere and love each other so that your married life brings you a lot of positive emotions and satisfaction from every day you spend with your soulmate. In order for your wedding night to be perfect, you must first create a romantic atmosphere with the help of all kinds of accessories and a gentle musical composition.
#8…and talk about it during the process
“Talk a lot. A lot. What works, what doesn't, how you feel. Stick to the theme, of course. (I once made the mistake during sex of asking what my husband would wear to dinner). But, if you're just starting to have sex for the first time, you'll need to talk about it first. In the end, you'll both be better at choosing subtle phrases, reading cues, and intuitively knowing what your partner likes best. Just don’t expect it to happen naturally without saying a word.”
“It may take a while before you figure out how to suggest sex, how to gently put your partner down, how to talk about sex. I think what caught us both off guard was that we hadn't talked about sex before, and it took a while to learn how to talk about it."
#9 Differences in your experience can be an unexpected cause for concern.
Hint: Talk about it.
“I learned early in my relationship that the gift of the first time was not what we both wanted. No matter how many times I told myself that his past was his past and focused on us, I couldn't help but think about other women. About how unfair it was that he knew that he, without a doubt, was the first one I trusted with this part of me, while I had to fight the competition of his distant past. This reaction shocked me because years earlier I had intellectually accepted that I probably wouldn't marry a virgin and was willing to accept that. But that was not the case. I understood that it would be emotional. So we expected everything. We argued a little. We decided that open and honest communication was the only way to move forward and agreed that waiting required us to continue to talk about our feelings. And we talked. Luckily, he understood and supported me and my feelings. Over time, I came to terms with his past choices (and my own internal shock that bothered me).”
Choosing a hotel for the first wedding night
So, you have decided for yourself that you will spend your wedding night in a hotel room! For everything to go perfectly, you need to take time to choose the hotel itself. We think you've heard a lot about the booking.com resource, which provides complete information about all the hotels in your city. Put hotels into sorting mode - and you will receive a guest rating and a real rating of hotels not only in your city, but throughout the world.
Remember that a beautiful hotel interior can be used in wedding photography.
We recommend: choose a hotel where you can spend both the banquet and your wedding night. It's not just convenient. Very often, hotels in this situation make significant discounts on the decoration of the hall, preparation of the room for the newlyweds, a bar and a special menu for the newlyweds and on the banquet itself. Most likely, you will be offered a room for newlyweds with a significant discount.
Although almost all modern hotels have special rooms for newlyweds, do not forget to ask the administrator about this. Such rooms are certainly more expensive than others, and prices can vary from 500 UAH to 1000 dollars per night.
By the way, didn’t you forget to include the expenses for your wedding night in your wedding budget? In order not to miss anything, use our budget planner - this way expenses will not be lost, and you will save your budget from unexpected expenses.
Before you book a hotel, check!
You don’t need to rely on the “honest” word of the hotel administrator that “everything is great and cool!” You need to see everything for yourself: what room is inside, what bed, what bed linen, what color of walls and curtains - the whole furnishings should be to your liking. It is necessary to take into account even such an aspect as the view from the window! Imagine, waking up in the morning, you go to the window to watch the sunrise with your loved one, and there... a construction site or the wall of a neighboring house (this is in the best case). Check which floor your room will be on, whether the elevator works, and how soundproofed the room is.
Don’t forget that you have to leave your room at 12 o’clock, so book a hotel for two days.
#11 Don't use too much force on your wedding night
Agree with your partner to start the process slowly and just see where you end up. In fact, you might be too tired.
“Another thing people said I didn’t understand until it happened to me. It's incredibly FATIGUE on your wedding night. If we had sex before, we absolutely would not have had this night. I was completely exhausted. Combined with the fact that I was already a little scared of it, being so tired, I had absolutely no desire to have sex that night. My husband was definitely looking forward to it a lot more than I was, but he was very patient and understanding and said we didn't have to do it if I didn't want to. But we ended up taking a shower together, which really relaxed me, and then I put on my underwear and we got there.”
“If you end up unable to have sex and fall asleep on your wedding night, it's not the end of the world. You can sleep in each other's arms and then have morning sex on the first day of your marriage (perhaps after a shower). Especially if this is your first time with so much physical contact or sharing a night in the same bed with your partner, you can be content with each other's nudity and just let your hands explore bodies that first night. There's no need to rush into sex without taking the time to fully enjoy all the intermediate steps along the way. What most people call foreplay, these activities deserve to be the main event for a while. They are pleasant in themselves, and not just as a precursor to sexual intercourse. There's nothing wrong with taking your time."
How should the bride and groom prepare?
Wedding night, beautiful and romantic.
First of all, it is worth noting that the process of preparing for a romantic evening should fall on the shoulders of everyone: both men and women.
Distribute responsibilities among yourself. The task will be to please each other and create the right atmosphere.
Choosing beautiful bed linen
If you are organizing an evening outside of a hotel, then you should think about choosing bed linen.
If the event takes place in your own home or parental apartment, you will need to purchase a new set of bed linen. This is necessary so that nothing connects you with the past. In addition, new, clean and ironed bed linen looks impressive, and you just want to plunge into it.
Ideal fabrics would be cotton and silk. In the first case, such a set can serve you for quite a long time. It's better to choose neutral colors rather than focusing on bright colors and prints. This distracts attention and creates a deceptive impression. The ideal color would be a boiling white option.
If you prefer silk fabrics, then your priority should be
be dark materials. For example, black or rich red. These are the perfect colors that harmonize perfectly with light and flowing fabric.
Creating the right atmosphere
Wedding night, as it happens.
In order to add a touch of romance and sexuality to the room, you should think about additional paraphernalia.
The most popular decoration is rose petals. They can be randomly laid out on the bed, or you can make a beautiful heart that will remind you of your love.
To create coziness and tranquility, small candles are placed in the room.
Of course, we shouldn’t forget about fresh flowers, which women love so much. In addition, flowers can lift your spirits.
An indispensable attribute of the first wedding night is champagne. This is one of the most romantic drinks. It should be cooled in advance and served along with sweet candies or fruit slices.
There is no need to decorate anything else in the room. Avoid posters with slogans or photographs. All this will only get in the way. The main task is not to overdo it with romance, but to really surprise and set the mood. Therefore, minimalism is important here. The rest will be done for you by your imagination and imagination.
Tips for girls
It is no coincidence that it is said that a man loves with his eyes. This stable expression has been known for a very long time. This is what a woman should use to her advantage. To do this, you should buy a set of sexy underwear. It is not at all necessary to use the same linen as at the wedding itself. As a rule, in the first case, the girl chooses based on convenience, comfort and how well the set matches the dress.
Often these are completely boring white bras and panties. As for the first wedding night, here you are free to show your imagination. While the man languishes in anticipation, the woman can easily change clothes, surprising her chosen one with an open and sexy outfit. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bun1zlal0aP/
The most popular and erotic things for men are:
- stockings;
- negligees;
- lace panties;
- embroidered bra.
When choosing underwear, you should not chase the brand. As a rule, men do not understand how expensive a set a woman is wearing. Of the colors, they consider only black and red to be the sexiest. The absolute favorite is black.
Advice for men
Unfortunately, men prepare least of all for their first wedding night, and this is fundamentally wrong. A woman also wants a well-groomed, clean young man in new, beautiful underwear to appear before her.
Please note that there are special panties in stores that are suitable for this case.
In this situation, if a young married couple has been living together for quite a long time, they can diversify their sex life with role-playing games. To do this, the young man must purchase costumes with a suitable theme from the store in advance. These could be police officers or nurses. Fortunately, nowadays the choice of such products is limitless. Therefore, you can try absolutely anything you want.
Often, it is on the wedding night that spouses decide to try a new position or use an additional accessory. This is a time of new discoveries and emotions, so everything that is considered normal for both of you can be accessible.
