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A wedding is not just a magnificent celebration at which the bride and groom are given gifts, it is the day on which a new life begins for a couple in love. From a psychological point of view, the wedding topic is one of the most pressing issues: often a woman has a fear before the wedding.
Some women are terrified of marriage
We don't have enough money for our dream wedding
Problem
This fear breaks all records in the ranking of brides' worries. In the modern world, there is active promotion of the ideal wedding in the media, Internet resources, news about the celebrity world, and you just need to look around to see dozens of beautiful, unusual and original weddings of your friends and acquaintances.
Solution
The perfect wedding doesn't have to be expensive, it's all about the atmosphere. Now there are many ways to save money on a celebration without compromising its quality. And the first option for real savings is reducing the guest list. Invite only your closest ones and you will kill two birds with one stone: reduce costs and get a very warm and friendly, almost family-like holiday atmosphere.
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Also take advantage of numerous master classes on creating beautiful and stylish wedding decor with your own hands. You can find lots of tips and step-by-step instructions in our DIY section. Remember, a perfect wedding is first and foremost a reflection of your individuality as individuals and the embodiment of your couple's love.
What can cause a phobia?
- Negative emotions experienced in childhood. If there were tense relationships between the parents in the family and the child witnessed frequent quarrels, then a strong emotional shock could provoke the development of gamophobia. A man’s aggression and a woman’s degraded position form in a child a distorted idea of roles in the family and reinforce repulsive images of husband and wife.
- Negative experience. It is believed that an anxiety disorder can develop if a person has had to endure pain and humiliation in a situation related to marriage. However, research has shown that most people with gamophobia have not experienced anything like this. In this case, an important role in the development of the disease is given to films and television programs that tell about the difficulties of family life.
- Fear of divorce. If a person has already had to go through a difficult, scandalous divorce, then the fear of marriage hides the fear of repeated divorce and the negativity that accompanies a breakup.
Not all invited guests will come to the wedding
Problem
You invited 70 people to your celebration, but only 40 of them will be able to come. You chose the most dear and close people, and they ignored such an important event for you.
Solution
You should not be angry or offended, especially if we are talking about people who will have to travel to another city or even country for your wedding. Not everyone can afford a long trip; the reason may be a lack of funds or time. And if you consider that you also need a wedding gift, then significant expenses are obvious. We are sure that everyone you invited is very happy for you. And if they couldn’t congratulate you in person, they will certainly find a way to do it from a distance.
Basic pre-wedding fears
Even if you love your future husband, and you have been in a relationship for several years, you cannot avoid worries before the wedding. The most common fears are:
- Fear that the celebration will not live up to expectations. Every girl from childhood imagines her wedding, because this is where all fairy tales about love end. Colorful pictures of happiness emerge in your head: the groom kisses the bride and tells her of love, the parents smile joyfully, and the guests look with tenderness at the ideal couple. Before marriage, a girl begins to fear that everything will happen completely differently than she planned: the holiday will turn out to be uninteresting, the guests will be bored, the dress will seem ugly, and the first dance will not be successful.
- Fear that the feelings are not mutual. The bride may begin to doubt the sincerity of the groom's feelings. This fear often appears if a man proposed to his bride because of her pregnancy.
- Fear that marriage will definitely end in divorce. This is driven by both the harsh reality (according to statistics, there is one divorce for every second wedding), and the real experience of friends and close relatives. There is nothing pleasant about dividing property or resolving child custody issues.
- Fear that the parents will be right and the marriage will be unsuccessful. Every mother and father wants the best for their daughter, which is why girls can often hear before the wedding that her loved one is not suitable for her, that he will not be able to provide her with everything she needs, that he will begin to cheat or leave her with the child. Doubt arises about the right choice of a man.
- Fear of how family life will develop after marriage. The bride may be afraid that she will become an unattractive housewife who spends most of her time in the kitchen.
- Fear of motherhood. A child requires attention and full care; for his sake, you have to sacrifice personal time, pushing your desires into the background. If previously a girl could go for a walk with her friends or go to the sea at any time, then when she becomes a mother, she will take into account the interests of the baby. Motherhood can cause great fear in women who are not ready for their previously independent and interesting lives to suddenly be filled with worries about a child.
There will be bad weather on the wedding day
Problem
The weather is one of the main concerns of brides, because, alas, no one can influence it. If you are planning an outdoor wedding, then your fears are understandable.
Solution
To protect yourself from surprises that can ruin your mood, choose an enclosed space or a tent for your banquet that can reliably protect guests from rain and wind. And for the ceremony, if it is outdoors and will take place in the fresh air, it is better to take care of the second, alternative option. For brides who are frightened by the vagaries of the weather, it is better to choose one of the summer months for their celebration - this way there is a greater chance that everything will go according to plan.
Either way, remember that your wedding day is beautiful no matter what weather surprises Mother Nature throws at you. There are original, bold and at the same time very practical and stylish solutions for any weather - rain, frost, and summer heat.
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Doubts before the wedding: fear of losing freedom
Marriage a priori means that a woman’s life will no longer be the same. After getting a stamp in your passport, you will have to forget about nights with friends, spontaneously changing plans, and most importantly, abandon all other men on Earth.
“Marriage means that the choice has been made and there will be no more other men in our lives,” says Alisa Galatz. “And if you find it difficult to accept this fact, then perhaps you are not yet quite personally mature to start a family.”
Olga Krasnova adds that in this case, the partner selection zone is probably not yet saturated. “We choose a man according to a list of our internal criteria, which we constantly try on those around us,” says the expert. “And the one who meets these requirements by at least 60% becomes a husband.”
What to do? First of all, honestly answer the question: “Why am I getting married?” “And then it may turn out that you are eager to get a stamp in your passport because “it’s time for a family” or relatives insist, or maybe this is a way to escape from obsessive parental care,” says Alisa Galats. - Be extremely honest with yourself. Indeed, if the motivation is false, marriage will bring you nothing but disappointment.”
Irritation or pimples will appear on the face on the eve of the wedding
Problem
The bride, as we know, must be perfect from head to toe. But how can you be perfect if the skin on your face unexpectedly fails at the most crucial moment? Pimples, irritation and other problems in the most visible place are a real disaster.
Solution
You know your skin like no one else, and if it can present you with an unpleasant surprise right on the eve of the wedding, it is better to protect yourself and do some procedures in the salon in advance, in consultation with a cosmetologist. However, you can pamper your skin in any case, even if it is not prone to rashes. After all, anything can happen due to nervous overload before the wedding.
The golden rule in the last days and even weeks before your celebration is to use no untested means and not to do any drastic procedures that you have not done before. In fact, there are a great many tips on care and beauty - our articles will tell you about them in more detail.
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But you shouldn’t despair and panic even if what you were so afraid of did happen. Your happy smile and sparkles in your eyes are what will attract attention on this day and will become the best decoration. And for the sake of history, ask the photographer to properly process your wedding photos so that you look more beautiful than ever in them.
Doesn't look good in photos
Can a bride or a happy couple be ugly? Photographs create emotions, not just the appearance of their subjects.
Solution
All you have to do is smile and be yourself, and then your wedding photo shoot will be beautiful! And, of course, find a good photographer. And to be sure that you are irresistible, trust your image only to a professional makeup artist and stock up on powder, mattifying wipes and lip gloss.
Everyone will be looking at me all day
Problem
Many people do not like publicity, and some are terrified of it. On your wedding day, you and your significant other will be the center of attention, you will have to talk a lot, smile for the camera, dance and (oh horror!) kiss in front of everyone. Overcoming your embarrassment and fear of doing something wrong overnight is very difficult.
Solution
Start preparing in advance for the fact that you will be the queen of this holiday. In the last months or weeks before the wedding, try to speak in public more often and be the life of the party among friends. In order not to be “pressed” in front of the camera, go to the shooting of a love story together with your future spouse. This will help you get used to the photographer, and it will help him study your characteristics and the character of your couple.
In fact, the bride has plenty of reasons to panic and be nervous. Here are just a few of them shared by real brides:
- I will be so excited that I will not be able to enjoy the celebration.
- Everything will be in a fog, and I won’t really remember anything.
- I'm afraid of getting sick on the eve of the wedding or feeling physically unwell for any other reason.
- I'm afraid I won't fit into the wedding dress.
- Dark circles under my eyes make my face look tired and aged.
- I will cry, because of this my makeup will run, and the photos of the sobbing bride will be simply terrible - I am so ugly when I cry.
- I don't want my new last name to be misread, it's complicated.
- I don’t want to meet another bride on my wedding day, especially if there are several of them.
- I'm afraid that everyone we invited will come - then the banquet hall will be too crowded.
- No one will dance or participate in wedding competitions.
- I don't want anyone else to wear white at my wedding.
- I'm afraid of being late everywhere, I'm always late.
- My wedding will be on a ship, I'm afraid someone will fall overboard.
- I don’t want to take pictures with everyone and everyone and miss half the fun because of it.
- Unless one of the wedding specialists or artists comes and sets me up.
- My mother’s uncle, as always, will get drunk and say long and terrible toasts that will make me blush.
Don’t worry about trifles, enjoy your wedding day, and to face possible troubles head on, read our articles for all occasions.
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Overcoming
Fear before a wedding is normal. The psychology of anxiety shows that young people are fully aware of the responsibility that falls on their shoulders, but the fear does not disappear. The following ways will help you get rid of them:
- Understand what's bothering you. This is fear of living together or anxiety about the upcoming wedding ceremony. If you're worried about your wedding, don't take it all on yourself. Find a wedding planning agent or ask your parents or friends. If this is a fear of your future life, then talk to your significant other about these fears and worries. Trust and mutual understanding are important in relationships. Don’t be shy to tell us why you are afraid to get married, this is very important.
- Throw yourself a bachelorette party to get away from all your problems and have a good rest. Or go shopping.
- Write down for yourself all the positive aspects of the upcoming marriage and when you have another panic attack, take a look at this list and understand that you will get only the best impressions from the upcoming wedding.
- Concentrate on pleasant memories. Remember your first kiss, your first date, how you were proposed to - this will definitely help you cope with your anxiety.
- Play sports. Physical activity increases the tone of the body and helps you forget about unpleasant thoughts.
- Treat yourself to aromatherapy. Lavender, bergamot, and mint oils are great for helping you relax and relieve stress.
Don't forget that your significant other may also be very worried about the wedding and make you feel anxious. To avoid this, you should resort to the following tips:
- spend time together, do not burden yourself and your loved one with wedding problems;
- consult with a man, it is important for him to see that you trust him;
- Throw your loved one a bachelor party.
Treatment with psychological methods
If you can’t cope with anxiety on your own, and it develops into panic attacks at the mere memory of the wedding, then seek help from a psychotherapist. He can find the source of your phobia and help you cope with your fears or teach you how to keep them under control.
Anxiety in psychology is often considered as a fear of expectation. Anxiety arises in a person due to active fantasies about the future. A person is worried about waiting for something important, about a situation of uncertainty.
Anxiety is an emotional state when a person experiences excruciating anxiety and predicts failure.
According to psychologists, the most effective way to get rid of anxiety is to imagine that the worst has already happened (it started to rain, one of the guests did not arrive, the groom was late, etc.). We must imagine and come to terms with “what happened.” Then the fear of things not going according to plan will subside and you can enjoy the pre-wedding rush.
Consequences of Gamophobia
Gamophobia refers to those fears that can forever destroy a person’s personal life. The difficulty is that this disease threatens the well-being of not only the gamophobe himself, but also his partner. Constant disagreements about marriage often lead to a break in the relationship.
For some couples, planning children is possible only in an official marriage. Often a person prone to fear is well aware of his responsibility for the happiness of his partner and experiences a strong feeling of guilt for his reluctance to legitimize the relationship. To solve such problems, it is necessary to seek psychological help in a timely manner.
Fighting methods
Are you afraid of the wedding? Strong mental fear can negatively affect your health, profession, and it reduces self-esteem. In this case, serious psychotherapeutic help is required. The doctor will understand the main causes of fear and help you overcome them.
Do you love someone and suffer from gamophobia? Tell your other half about this. A loving person will always find a way out of the situation, support you, and try to organize everything so that you don’t even notice all the wedding fuss. Perhaps you need to relax with your loved one, go somewhere.
In extreme cases, psychotherapeutic treatment is carried out, including hypnosis, a neuro-linguistic type of programming. In this way, you can find out the cause of fear, get rid of it and continue to live a full life. With timely assistance, you will not only forget about your phobia, but will also be able to build a reliable, harmonious relationship with your loved one.
So, the white dress scares you, the words “wedding”, “marriage”, “marriage”, most likely you suffer from gamophobia. If a person is truly dear to you, you cannot imagine life without him, he has become everything to you - a friend, a loved one, and a sexual partner, why wait - get married and be happy. There is no need to rush if you are not confident in your relationship, you constantly quarrel with your partner, or you have recently lost interest in sex. Believe me, in the future all this will worsen even more and will not end well. Everyone has a choice in life, we must make it right. Once you take the wrong road, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Love, take care, respect, appreciate each other, be happy!
Symptoms
Each person experiences gamophobia individually. Almost all gamophobes experience panic, horror, and remorse. In addition, they are bothered by the following unpleasant symptoms:
- Cardiopalmus.
- Strong headache.
- Pain in the stomach.
- Shiver.
- Feeling short of air.
The main symptom is that the patient comes up with various reasons to avoid marriage. In severe cases, a person develops a strong aversion to deep and serious relationships.
In addition, gamophobes always seem frivolous, amorous, love to party in clubs, but never admit their love. Some women say this: “Marriage is a cage for me, I value freedom. One man will completely change my life. I will have to live without entertainment, constantly sit at home, prepare, clean. I don't want this kind of life."
The symptoms worsen when a gamophobe is proposed to. Everything can end in a loud scandal, hysteria, or a break in relations. For a gamophobe, the main thing is independence from anyone.
Do you have any doubts about whether to get married or not? There is no need to immediately identify yourself as a gamophobe. These are normal thoughts, because it is important not to make a mistake here. Many people make the mistake of getting married out of fear of loneliness. Such marriages do not lead to anything good. Spouses constantly quarrel, there is no love, understanding, or mutual assistance. Create marriages with your loved ones!
