Man and woman are called to be together
Is it possible to debunk a church marriage in Orthodoxy? To give a detailed answer to this question, it is necessary to talk about the Orthodox view of marriage. Man and woman were created by the Creator as two images of human existence. They are called upon to replenish each other and improve spiritually together. This is why the Almighty blessed people to get married. In this state, the spouses are in close connection:
“A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
Debunking a church marriage - what is it?
Marriage and Wedding in Orthodoxy
A wedding is a church Sacrament, that is, a sacred ceremony with the invisible participation of the Lord Himself. In this Sacrament, God sanctifies the marriage union with His grace. Thus, the natural relationship between a man and a woman acquires a spiritual dimension and marriage becomes a step on the path to the Lord. This is figuratively shown in the Gospel story about the miracle of turning water into wine, performed by Christ at the wedding in Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-11).
A wedding does not replace marriage, but complements it. Marriage without wedding is not fornication. The Church insists on the need for the Sacrament. But at the same time it recognizes the unmarried legal union of a man and a woman. Here are the words of Archpriest Dimitry Karpenko:
“A marriage that is not married, but registered by the state, is a marriage that the Church respects and does not consider a sin.”
With the wedding, the newlyweds seem to invite Christ to their holiday and ask him to bless their life together. The sacrament strengthens relationships and sanctifies them with Divine grace. However, it is important to understand that it is not a deal with God and a guarantee of family happiness. A wedding will not save a marriage if the spouses do not work on themselves and do not try to live like Christians.
Archimandrite Andrey (Konanos) compares marriage to a burning lamp:
“If you don’t add oil to it, it will soon begin to flicker and go out. To save a marriage, you need to work on it, you need to promote it.”
The Monk Paisius the Svyatogorets taught:
“Spouses should, as far as possible, cultivate the virtue of love, so that the two are always united as one and so that the Third, our Sweetest Christ, dwells with them” (Words, volume 4).
How to prepare for a wedding for those who are already married?
Wedding before or after the wedding.
Newlyweds or a married couple need to approach the wedding procedure carefully and responsibly. This is a special sacrament that is sanctified by the Lord God himself. You need to start preparing for it long before the start of the celebration.
The preparation itself begins with something important, namely with the awareness of the necessity of this action. Initially, the family should decide what a wedding is for you and how much you need it. To do this, it is best to go to church, talk to the priest and find out everything in detail about this ritual. Let the preparation and other little things worry you least of all. Most of all, you should be interested in the need for the sacrament and why it will be useful to you in the future.
After you have discussed all the important points with the priest, think about the date on which you want to schedule the sacrament. It is worth understanding that the church does not adhere to popular superstitions. There are only prohibitions regarding fasting. Otherwise, the ceremony can be held at any time convenient for you.
When do people get married before or after the wedding?
Don't forget to buy wedding rings too. They are a mandatory attribute of the entire procession. Previously, a woman had a silver item on her hand, and a man had a gold one. Nowadays, few people adhere to strict rules regarding jewelry.
It is worth choosing those rings that will be as strict and laconic as possible. They should not distract you from earthly life. God is against everything that is connected with the financial beginning. Therefore, modesty is the main criterion that is best adhered to.
Wedding after the wedding.
You can also buy wedding icons from the church shop. They are usually sold in pairs. For a man, Jesus Christ is supposed, and for a woman, the Most Holy Theotokos.
During the entire procession, the newlyweds will have icons in their hands, which they will kiss and pray. After which the young people will take such faces home, and they will become their happy mentors in life.
The towel is the part that the newlyweds stand on during prayer. They are also sold in the temple; alternatively, you can sew them yourself. Folk patterns are welcome on the towel.
Officially registered couples should select witnesses for their wedding ceremony. These are the people who can later become spiritual mentors of your family. Therefore, it is best to choose from those couples who are a good example of family life for you.
Don't stop at careerists and divorced people. The latter will not be allowed as witnesses at all. Choose only married couples who have been happily married for a long time.
Is it possible to get debunked?
The Orthodox Church affirms the indissolubility of marriage. The Lord commanded: “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). The two have forever become one flesh and nothing can undo this. Their unity is not so much psychological or social in nature as it is spiritual and existential. Therefore, monogamy in Orthodoxy is the ideal to which we are all called. According to church canons, a priest can only be married once, since he must serve as an example for parishioners.
However, even in a Christian environment, some families are destroyed. And often former spouses have the question “How to get divorced?” It has already been said above that a completed Sacrament cannot be canceled, therefore “debunking a church marriage” is impossible. In some cases, the Church can only recognize a church marriage as having lost its canonical force. The innocent party has the right to receive a blessing for a second marriage. This blessing can be given to the guilty party only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of penance. In extreme cases, a third marriage is allowed, but no more. The blessing is given only by the diocesan bishop.
How to get divorced after divorce
After a divorce in the registry office or in court, it is impossible to go through the divorce process in the church; no one will give you a document confirming that you are no longer connected before God with your ex-spouse.
For a divorce by worldly standards, only a certificate from the civil registry office is sufficient, but dissolution of a church union is possible only through a second wedding.
Worldly reasons are not always considered good enough grounds for divorce, that is, if you do not have common interests with your spouse, the problems are related to finances, then be prepared for the church to condemn your divorce. A second marriage is permitted to the spouse who is innocent of the dissolution of the first marriage. Remarriage for those guilty of adultery is permitted only after fulfilling the penance imposed on him by the church.
Is it possible to get married without the consent of the husband or wife?
Since such a procedure as debunking does not actually exist, but there is only a blessing for a second wedding, there is no need to come with your ex-husband or ex-wife.
For a second church marriage, only the presence of you and your new chosen one is required; the former spouse is not required to be present at the second wedding.
What you need: what documents, where to apply, how much to pay and wait
If you decide to dissolve your previous union and remarry and go through the wedding procedure a second time, then you will need the following list of documents to correctly submit your petition:
- Passport,
- Certificate of divorce from first marriage,
- Church marriage certificate,
- If the divorce occurs due to the fact that the spouse has lost his legal capacity or is sick with an incurable disease, then medical documents confirming this must be provided, as well as a death certificate if the first spouse has died.
Along with these documents, you must submit a request to the Diocese for permission to perform a second wedding ceremony. Sometimes a petition for debunking is filed instead. Oddly enough, despite the absence of such a concept and procedure, a ritual, there is a statement about debunking (about removing crowns, removing blessings).
A sample of this application is available. ⇐
However, it is better to check which application form to use with the church in which you are going to have the wedding ceremony again. In the church they will tell you how and what kind of petition to write, or they will show you a sample, and tell you which diocese and in whose name to write.
The letter is submitted to the ruling bishop. The waiting period varies depending on how busy the Diocese is; when your application is reviewed, you will be called to a conversation with a clergyman, where it will be decided whether your marriage can be dissolved. Only the husband or only the wife can come to submit a petition; the presence of both is not necessary. This is the procedure for debunking in the church.
There is no fee for the wedding, only a voluntary donation, the amount of which will be told to you by the priest in the church where you decided to marry your spouse.
Cheating is the main reason for divorce
In Old Testament times, a man had the right to legally divorce his wife for the most insignificant reasons. It was enough just to write a letter of divorce. After the exodus from Egypt, the Jewish people were spoiled by paganism and had a low spiritual and moral level. Moses was forced to introduce a law on letters of divorce in order to somehow maintain order.
In the New Testament, the Lord cancels this temporary rule in order to return a person to the original Divine plan for marriage:
“Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you: whoever divorces his wife for reasons other than adultery and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9).
Unlike the harsh Old Testament, the renewed man of the New Testament is called to love and forgiveness. Therefore, Christ indicates only one valid reason for divorce - adultery, which is a terrible sin.
The intimate relationship between husband and wife (even if unmarried) makes them one. They cement and develop mutual love between two people. If one of the spouses enters into a carnal relationship with a stranger, he betrays the other half and defiles his body and soul. The sacred union blessed by God is trampled underfoot for the sake of selfishness and lust. Marital infidelity corrupts the soul, destroys love and family. Adultery breaks the union with God, and without repentance the soul of the sinner dies for salvation:
“Let everyone’s marriage be honorable and the bed undefiled; But fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4).
At the same time, infidelity does not have to end in divorce. Archpriest Sergius Guselnikov notes:
“There are cases of adultery that can still be corrected. The one who committed treason recognizes it as a grave sin, asks for forgiveness and repents of this sin at Confession, promising before God not to commit treason again. And if the other half finds the spiritual strength to forgive and accept repentance, then the family is restored. Although the wound may remain for life. I know such cases."
Modern grounds for dissolution of a church marriage
Over the centuries, the Church, taking into account the realities of our lives, has added other reasons for divorce. Let us present the main ones, focusing on the provisions of the Council of Bishops of the Russian Orthodox Church in 2021.
Refusal of one of the spouses from the Orthodox faith. This makes it impossible for the spouses to live together in Christ, for the sake of which the Sacrament was performed. This may also lead to problems in raising children.
Unnatural vices of one of the spouses. That is, sexual perversions that interfere with Christian family life and are considered a grave sin.
A dangerous disease for the other half, as well as chronic alcoholism and drug addiction. As a rule, all this excludes normal marital relations. Therefore, out of mercy for healthy family members, the Church may dissolve a marriage.
Family violence is also a valid reason for divorce. In this case, there is a threat to the life and health of family members.
Malicious departure of one of the spouses from the family or his unknown disappearance for 3 years. In such cases, the Church shows leniency towards the family member left alone and declares the dissolution of a marriage that has actually broken down.
The Church also considers a wife’s intentional termination of her pregnancy without her husband’s consent or forcing him to have an abortion as valid reasons for divorce. Artificial termination of pregnancy in Christianity is considered a grave sin. The Orthodox Church teaches that a person’s soul appears at the moment of conception. Thus, abortion is the murder of an unborn child.
Until death do us part...
According to church canons, marriage ends with the death of one of the spouses. The Apostle Paul taught:
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).
Let us quote the words of Archpriest Pavel Gumerov:
“People have stopped seeing family as the highest value. All this was aggravated by complete permissiveness and moral degradation. We have succumbed to the spirit of the times; we do not want to work on ourselves, to work on our family life. If the Church simply tightens measures and makes church divorce a very difficult act, I think this will achieve nothing.
A Christian marriage has two sides: spiritual and civil, legal. One does not exist without the other. Before the revolution, the Church dealt with both marriages and divorces. Now it’s a state. We cannot refuse to give a person a divorce if his marriage, both de facto and de jure, no longer exists.”
What is church divorce?
There is no concept of “divorce” in the church lexicon. Marriages are made in heaven, and it is not permissible for man to separate those whom God has joined together. A couple who has undergone a wedding ceremony is considered to be bound by family ties for the rest of their lives. And even after death, the spouse who left first will be waiting for his soul mate in heaven. Since ancient times, church marriage has been considered as the only one and not allowed to be repeated. But what to do if the spouses officially filed for divorce, dissolved the civil union, and then one of them wants to get married again or get married again, going through the sacrament of wedding again?
No priest will allow a wedding to take place until the previous church marriage has been dissolved. If it is acceptable for society to have a secular divorce and a certificate of divorce in order to consider a person free, then the church is not satisfied with this document. It is only the basis for the procedure of the so-called church divorce. The clergy agrees to consider such an issue only in certain cases. A spouse who is not the cause of the family breakup can apply for permission.
Each case is considered individually, and the factors that led to the divorce are taken into account. You will not receive permission due to some personal whim, desire to prove something to someone or to annoy someone. The Church evaluates only objective reasons that make married life inappropriate. There is a chance to receive pastoral leniency from spouses who have not lived together for a long time, but to do this they need to prove that restoring the family does not make sense.
How is a church marriage dissolved?
The dissolution of a church marriage takes place within two to three weeks after the official civil divorce. Former spouses need to come to the temple where they got married and turn to the clergyman who performed the Sacrament. If this is not possible, then you are allowed to contact any other temple.
Divorced spouses provide the priest with the necessary documents with copies. These are passports, wedding certificates and divorce certificates. The clergyman conducts a private conversation with the divorced. He finds out the reasons for their decision and talks about its consequences.
Next, the spouses need to write a petition addressed to the Administrator of the Diocese. The document must indicate the date and place of the wedding, the history of family life and the reasons why the spouses want to dissolve the church marriage. The petition is accompanied by a document in which the clergyman sets out his personal attitude to this case.
Within 30 days, the priest receives permission or a refusal to dissolve the church marriage from the Administrator of the Diocese. A refusal is given if the reasons for a church divorce are not compelling enough.
Church divorce: we tell you how to dissolve a marriage after a wedding
In Orthodoxy, people in love sometimes decide to seal their union before God and conduct a wedding ceremony. But what to do if the family breaks up? Is it possible to get debunked?
A wedding is a church wedding ceremony. It can be carried out only if the marriage is registered in the registry office. What to do if the family breaks up? What is church divorce and does it exist in principle, answers Alexey Kolyvanov , priest, vice-rector for academic affairs at the Orenburg Theological Seminary.
Is divorce possible after marriage?
Unfortunately, divorces do happen. Although starting a family is once and for a lifetime. The Lord Jesus Christ in the Gospel and in the Holy Scriptures emphasizes this more than once: what God has joined together, let no man separate. However, the Lord Jesus Christ himself in the Gospel indicates the only reason for divorce - betrayal, adultery. Now the list of reasons for church divorce has expanded somewhat. The fundamentals of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church - this is an official church document - indicates several reasons for church divorce. These include: chronic alcoholism, confirmed by doctors; direct threat to the life of a spouse or children, and so on. Therefore, a second church marriage is possible as some exception to the rule.
What is debunking?
In principle, there is no . There is a blessing for remarriage. Often people come to church precisely with a request to debunk them. The clergy explain: if people decide to end their family life, their official divorce, completed in the registry office, can be said to be automatically a debunking. If people do not live together and this is officially formalized, then the fact of the wedding does not impose additional responsibilities on them. They themselves destroyed their marriage and are no longer husband and wife either before people or before God. If you want to get married a second time , you must: register the marriage at the registry office and come to the temple that you usually visit and contact the priest. If the situation is not ambiguous, then the clergyman himself can decide on the possibility of their wedding. This happens in cases where there are no disagreements between the spouses, if the innocent party has come, if all the issues and problems with the previous marriage have been resolved. If the parish priest cannot resolve this issue, then it is resolved in the Diocesan Administration. In Orenburg it is located on Sovetskaya, 43 . There is always a priest on duty there. Every day from 10.00 to 12.00 he deals with such issues. You need to come together, take with you documents about the dissolution of your previous marriage and the conclusion of a new one. During the analysis of these documents and during the conversation, the possibility or impossibility of concluding a second church marriage becomes clear. a church-wide document was adopted , which states that a maximum of 3 church marriages are allowed. In this case, those marriages that were not illuminated by the sacrament of wedding are also taken into account.
Alexey Kolyvanov
How long should it take from the moment of divorce to the re-wedding?
There is no clear limit. But cases are different. One situation is if people for 10 years and decided to get married. The other is if 2 weeks since the divorce. The second situation is questionable. It is usually recommended to wait .
Is the second wedding different from the first?
The ranks of weddings differ . There are first and second ranks. If the sacrament of wedding has already been performed on people, then the second time it is performed according to the rite, which includes a prayer of repentance . The Lord says in the Gospel that anyone who marries a divorced person commits adultery. Repeated marriages take place primarily due to human weakness, and not according to the will of God. Therefore, a number of repentant prayers are included in the prayer book so that people understand this point.
What if the marriage is repeated only for one of the spouses?
As a rule, in this case, leniency is possible and the sacrament is performed according to the first rite. However, there is an opinion that you need to act according to severity and if this is the second marriage for at least one, you need to use the second rite of wedding. According to Father Alexei, repeat church marriages are not often performed in practice. Nowadays there are not so many weddings in general compared to what there were 10-15 years ago. In the average church in our city, 3-5 weddings take place per month. This is very small compared to the number of marriage registrations and the number of baptisms.
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