If there is at least one guest at the wedding, be sure: sooner or later the moment will come when he traditionally gets up from the table, holding a glass of something intoxicating, and loudly shouts: “Bitter!” It is at this moment that the photographer and videographer will grab their equipment to capture a sweet kiss.
Although, no, this will not be the only moment when the lips of lovers will touch under the applause of those gathered and the flash of camera equipment.
And if someone who is going to capture these wonderful moments is present at the wedding, the newlyweds will hear the request to kiss very often. Of course, some people are happy about such attention, but others may be embarrassed by such insistence. How to behave correctly, how to kiss, and what does this favorite “Bitter!” mean? Let's look at the nuances of this romantic part of the holiday:
- Oh, those kisses!
- Romantic makeup.
- So that it's not bitter...
How to kiss in public?
How to kiss the bride and groom at a wedding? There are several general rules regarding aesthetics
:
- Kisses should be modest; sensual expressions of passion are best left for the wedding night.
- You need to try to kiss so as not to squish your noses against each other’s cheeks.
- A light, almost weightless touch with your lips will be quite enough.
- There is no need to reach a meter away from each other, stretching out your necks, forming your lips like a tube - unless this is a staged funny smack between two mimes.
- It is better to kiss without tongue so that the bride's makeup does not smudge.
- Instead of lips, you can kiss your beloved on the cheek, neck, hand: it looks touching and romantic.
If young people are embarrassed to show feelings in this way, then you can perceive it as a kind of game, exchanging light, quick smacks. To overcome feelings of embarrassment, spouses who have already had a wedding are advised to relax
without worrying about how beautiful or natural the kiss will be. There is no need to try to please anyone; after all, a wedding is a celebration of the newlyweds.
If the presenter shouts “Bitterly” too often, you can gently ask him to moderate his ardor slightly
To prevent the bride's makeup from smudging, it is better to have lipstick at the ready.
or glitter with a mirror. For more permanent makeup, you can get a tattoo or use a pencil to outline the contour.
Lipstick for kissing at a wedding
Why do they count kisses at a wedding when they shout “bitterly”
Initially, they counted not the duration, but the number of kisses. Nowadays, almost no one does this, but initially the tradition was just like that. Moreover, you can only lightly touch your lips, kiss passionately or with excessive passion - a sign of bad taste and looks vulgar. As for the reasons for counting in our time, they are:
- We wish the young people many more years of happy life together. For this reason, they count quickly.
- Extend the kiss time. Usually, without counting, the bride and groom simply get up and quickly sit down, thus the guests detain the couple and admire them.
- Pay tribute to tradition. Many people simply think because it is so accepted and do not think about the reasons.
It is best not to abuse the count if the bride and groom have made it clear that they are already tired of kissing for a long time, just shouting “bitterly”. Everything is good in moderation, do not forget that newlyweds get tired all day and they don’t want to get up all the time.
The custom of counting the number of kisses arose simultaneously with the tradition of shouting “bitterly” several centuries ago. They are inextricably linked with each other, but at the same time, young people can kiss without counting, so as not to delay the wedding. It is advisable to do this no more than several times during the celebration.
Where did the tradition of shouting “bitter” come from?
How did it happen that people shout “Bitter” at weddings? Historians have different opinions on this matter.
. According to one version, this tradition originates from a folk game at a wedding. For the festivities, an ice slide was built, along which the groom had to climb to the bride standing at the top of the slide. Such a custom signified the strength of the young man’s feelings for his betrothed. At the same time, the guests shouted “slide”, hence the shouting.
According to another version, with such a cry the guests drove away evil spirits and evil spirits, trying to deceive them by shouting: “bitter”
Another version comes from the custom of giving a girl as a wife against her will, without asking her opinion. The girl cried all night before her marriage
. Hence the tradition of saying “bitter”, expressing bitterness from an unwanted union.
Why do they count at a wedding when young people kiss: according to superstition, this is how guests count down the number of years
, which the spouses will live together.
What types of kisses are there at weddings?
What types of kisses are there at a wedding? Surely most people know that if they shout “bitterly” - the newlyweds are kissing, “sweetly” - the parents of the newlyweds, “sourly” - the witnesses.
Kissing at a wedding
But besides this, there are other funny types of wedding smacks.
:
- Gypsy style
: the groom kisses the bride’s hand, going up to the neck and kissing on the lips, going down to the other hand. - Cossack style
: the groom saddles a “stallion”, whose role is played by a witness, and gallops to his beloved. The “faithful horse” can be fed with green onions or dill. - “Between the Legs”
: the newlyweds kiss through the two legs of wedding wine glasses, no vulgarity. - Birch tree
: the bride, standing on a chair, leans towards the groom like a birch tree and kisses her betrothed. - Through a stump or woodpile
: witnesses depict a stump, and the newlyweds seal their feelings through it with a kiss. - Like doves
: the young rub noses and coo like doves. - Medically
: kiss through a veil or handkerchief. - Below the waist
: The groom kisses the bride while holding the best man's belt over his head. - Herringbone
: the bride stands in a herringbone pattern, spreading her arms and fingers to the sides, and the groom kisses her alternately on both hands, rising higher. - Around the corner
: young people secretly kiss, the task of witnesses is to notice this and loudly and jokingly condemn them for their shamelessness. - In French
: young people send each other an airy kiss. - Cosmically
: the groom’s friends throw him up, the bride’s task is to catch her beloved in flight.
There are other cool kisses for a wedding that the toastmaster can suggest, giving a playful task to the newlyweds
.
Playful tasks for newlyweds at their wedding
Oh, those kisses!
Just give those who love free rein - they will kiss each other. But kissing in public is somehow not particularly pleasant, even if the public itself strongly demands it. Usually newlyweds have to kiss many times during their wedding day. In the registry office, at a photo shoot, at a celebration, with everyone shouting “Bitter!” Alas, we cannot say that every captured frame of this manifestation of tenderness turns out beautiful. How to kiss correctly at a wedding, so that later you don’t feel painfully ashamed to look at your own wedding album? This is not to say that there are certain rules for a wedding kiss.
But it doesn’t hurt to take some nuances into account:
- The kiss should be romantic. If you are embarrassed by the public around you, try to imagine that there is no one around except you two. Regular kisses are unlikely to brighten up the celebration.
- If nothing bothers you at all, that's not too good either. Even a seemingly harmless kiss can look vulgar if the newlyweds forget about the rules of decency. Respect yourself and your guests. You will have time for too open kisses after the holiday.
- Experienced photographers can tell newlyweds how to make a photo with a kiss sweet and romantic. There are some tricks that give the frames tenderness. For example, when the newlyweds cover themselves with a bridal veil. Or they are lightly covered by a bouquet, a flowering branch, a paper heart, a beautiful umbrella that witnesses can hold, etc.
How to avoid a kiss while shouting “Bitter”?
How to playfully refuse kisses
, especially when cheerful guests call out the young ones by shouting “bitter” after each glass.
There are several original ways:
- Each time after shouting “bitter,” the newlyweds raise a special sign with the inscription: “Newlyweds kissing” or “Bitterly? Kiss your neighbor." It is important that the font on the sign is large.
- According to a similar principle, after shouting, a witness runs in front of the newlyweds’ table with a sign “The newlyweds are kissing.”
- Young people can introduce a fee for each smack.
- After the “bitter”, the newlyweds ask some couple among the guests to show an example of how it should be done.
- Come up with gifts in exchange for a kiss and give them to everyone who wants them.
You can think of other ways to get out of the obligation to kiss
, the host can help with this by focusing the guests’ attention on competitions and other entertainment.
Kisses from the point of view of Orthodoxy
Kissing before marriage according to Orthodoxy is not considered a sin, but it brings a person to a dangerous line, since sensual and passionate kisses inflame a sinful feeling of lust.
Of course, any couple before marriage wants to show tender feelings for their loved one, but the church warns against overly ardent hugs
and affection, limited to innocent kisses on the cheek, forehead or shoulder, in order to maintain purity before marriage.
A modest kiss on the shoulder at a wedding
A wedding kiss is, first and foremost, a proof of love.
and tenderness between the bride and groom.
The main thing is that the newlyweds themselves feel comfortable and relaxed while enjoying the holiday. There is nothing wrong with not kissing at a wedding or exchanging small pecks.
June 2, 2021, 10:51 pm
Probably every presenter has at least once encountered a situation in his work when “his” newlyweds do not want to kiss at the wedding. The reasons for this reluctance are different. It is quite understandable and justified if such reluctance arises due to some religious principles, for example, the bride or groom are Muslims or Buddhists who observe traditions and customs. But there are times when the bride asks not to shout “bitterly” to them at the wedding, despite the fact that there are no “contraindications” to this due to religious worldviews. She just doesn’t agree to kiss in front of everyone at the wedding. And it also happens that young people agree to kiss, but only without shouting “bitter.” How can the host cope with everyone’s “agree or disagree” and, without offending anyone, preserve the symbol of love and passion at the wedding - the kiss?
First of all, it must be said that if the bride and groom profess Islam, and the wedding takes place according to Muslim traditions, then the question of shouting “bitterly” or not will not even arise. It is not customary to shout “bitterly” at gypsy weddings either. Such a wedding is organized according to different canons and, we must honestly admit, hosts who know the traditions well are invited to these weddings, who are unlikely to be able to take such unprofessional liberties. But if only the groom or the bride does not want or cannot, due to the religious views and traditions of their people (for example, in Korea, Japan, Thailand, India, public kisses, to put it mildly, are also not welcome) kiss at the wedding, and the second representative of the future The family does not see anything reprehensible in this; the problem can be solved, taking into account the wishes of both parties.
A little history
Of course, at Russian weddings, kissing the newlyweds is a tradition that has a centuries-old history. The kiss was of great importance for the ancient Slavs and remained a kind of unique seal even after the adoption of Christianity. It was as if they were sealing the integrity of something. If we are talking about wedding traditions, then the integrity of the family was sealed with a kiss, it confirmed the completed marriage.
But as for the words that guests used to encourage the newlyweds to kiss, it was not always “bitter.” Crumbs were poured into bowls of wine or mead and they shouted “trash,” and the newlyweds kissed to clear the “trash” from the drinks. In some areas they shouted “the bear in the corner” (the bear was related to love magic and symbolism, personifying the image of the groom), after which the newlyweds kissed again.
“Bitterly” they shouted, raising their glasses, and the newlyweds had to sweeten the wine with kisses. And in some areas, the one who gave the gift came to kiss the bride and drank a glass for the newlyweds. And so, in order to remove the bitterness after the drink, he pestered the bride with kisses. The grooms hardly liked this option.
Also, by shouting “bitterly” they tried to drive away and deceive evil spirits, which, as our ancestors believed, necessarily appeared because of envious and evil people. Like, everything here is bitter, tasteless, get out of here, evil spirits. For the same reason, in many regions the bride was covered with a white veil (so that she would not be seen or jinxed) and she had to cry, even if she was happy.
But the weddings were not about passionate kisses, much less the score. Love kisses were considered an intimate matter, and it was not customary to display them in public (although love games around the fire, described in some sources, indicate something completely different, but a wedding is not a game, but a serious matter). Therefore, it is not surprising that kisses at weddings, as a rule, were quite modest and chaste.
Some historians claim that “bitter” shouting began at winter weddings (and weddings in the old days were mostly played in winter), when the bride was placed on top of an ice or snow slide, and the groom and his friends tried to overcome this obstacle at all costs. Guests walking at the wedding egged the young man on with shouts of “gorka.” In the end, the groom still took the ice barrier, kissed his bride in joy and rode down the mountain with her to the jubilant crowd. Over time, the slides became a thing of the past, but the kisses and screams remained, although “gorka” turned into “gorko.”
Although, who knows, maybe they started shouting “bitter” simply to confirm that the glasses were filled with really bitter or hot drinks, and not just water. They say, we are partying according to the rules, the wedding is rich, the guests are treated to noble drinks, and the newlyweds, to rejoice that the guests liked everything, kissed after such screams.
But which version is more correct is not so important for modern newlyweds; what is important is that for us this custom is familiar, familiar, and many guests cannot imagine a wedding without kissing the newlyweds and shouting “bitterly.” Now this is just a way to unite the entire wedding, all the guests. With the same success you can shout “Hurray!”, “Congratulations”, “For the young!” The main thing is that the newlyweds at their wedding feel and see that all the guests are at the same time, all together.
Well, if the bride and groom for some reason decide to abandon this custom, you need to come up with an explanation for the guests or find some kind of alternative.
A firm “No!” kisses
If the decision of the future newlyweds not to kiss is categorical, and shouts of “bitter”, or other words urging them to sweeten their drinks with such an action should not be heard at all, then guests should be warned about this in advance. For example, announce the newlyweds’ decision at the very beginning of the celebration, during a talk about the rules at the wedding, or even place “It’s bitter not to shout” signs on the tables. But all these precautions may still not protect the newlyweds from the usual wedding cries, because guests can be very disobedient, and after a few glasses this disobedience only intensifies. Therefore, when you hear the phrase “No kissing!” from future newlyweds, be sure to warn them that, depending on the amount of drinking, the situation may still get out of control.
The host will not be able to “educate” all the guests, but he will be able to correct the situation after unwanted cries of “Bitter!” completely within his power. You can, for example, make bright shiny kisses, cards with painted lips, and the newlyweds will distribute them to everyone who shouts “Bitter” loudly, and then those who collect the most cards by the end of the evening will be awarded a prize. Let's say a figurine of a kissing couple. The opportunity to receive a beautiful, memorable gift is a good alternative to watching newlyweds kissing.
“We want it to be different from everyone else. At all weddings they shout “Bitter”, I’m tired of it!”
If the reluctance to kiss is not caused by the bride’s embarrassment or any moral or religious prohibitions, but is simply due to a desire to make her wedding different from others, the host can get creative together with the clients and find an interesting solution. For example, place small bells on the tables next to the cutlery so that guests, if they want to see the newlyweds kiss, begin to ring in unison. By the way, in the USA, newlyweds also kiss at weddings, but they don’t shout “bitterly” at them, but knock with forks on plates or glasses, or simply shout “Ding-ding-ding!” But the silver ringing of bells, perhaps, sounds prettier than the ringing of forks, although it will also cost more. Bells can be replaced with pistols if the wedding, for example, is taking place in a gangster style, or with bamboo sticks if the newlyweds and their guests are “vacating” in Hawaii. Alternatively, at a Hawaiian wedding, the shouts of “bitter” can be replaced with “Alloha,” which will be more in keeping with the theme of the wedding.
There is another explanation why some newlyweds do not like this tradition. It’s simple: “The guests are yelling and not giving us food.” In this case, the host can choose from among the guests the chief kisser (preferably a cheerful but adequate person), give him the appropriate badge and instruct him, instead of shouting “bitterly,” to ring a bell, blow a pipe or beat a drum. Everyone will be allowed to shout “bitterly” only after this sound signal. But quietly explain to the “kissing boss” that the newlyweds should eat and rest, so there is no need to beat the drums every minute.
If the newlyweds are happy with everything, and they like the custom, and they don’t see anything seditious in the word “bitter”, but they just don’t want to make their kisses public, you can offer them special signs that say “We love each other”, “Passionate kiss” , “Tender Kiss”, etc. With the help of these signs they will be able to hide from guests during a kiss.
An old custom with a new twist
Time leaves its mark on all traditions and modifies them. The custom of kissing at weddings can also be changed, making it more modern. Why not, for example, invite young people to make this “kissing” moment brighter, more colorful, more theatrical. You can arrange kisses in a frame. To do this, you need to make a large frame from some materials, like for a painting (it is best to make it soft, for example, from fabric, so that it is easy to transport), decorate it with flowers and butterflies. Witnesses or those in charge of kissing can hold the frame in front of the newlyweds, or everyone who wants to witness the kiss of the newlyweds can take turns. Photos in such a frame will turn out beautiful, interesting, and not only the newlyweds, but also those who held the frame will certainly want to receive them.
In general, we can say that the newlyweds on such a day kiss only on the magic balcony. Therefore, if someone wants to see them kissing, he should immediately install a balcony. The balcony is made according to the same principle as the frame, that is, it is sewn from fabric, but has a much larger size. The side parts resemble columns, the lower part is an openwork parapet. You can also decorate such a balcony with flowers, butterflies, bows, and stars. It is best to insert some thin strips into the side parts. When assembled, such a balcony is simply a rolled up roll of fabric wound onto a base. It is not difficult to unfold it at the right time, and it is not difficult to hold it, two people can handle it. But believe me, tired guests will have less and less desire to jump up and run to turn around the balcony so that the newlyweds can kiss. Therefore, this version of the kissing program is very well suited for those newlyweds who want to hear cries of “Bitter” as little as possible.
And one of the presenters suggests that the newlyweds kiss on the bridge of love. Friends of the newlyweds make a bridge of love. To do this, chairs are placed opposite each other at a distance of 3-4 meters, the toastmaster seats the bride and groom on them, then he asks the young people to try to kiss. Of course, the young people don’t succeed. And then the presenter says that those who shouted “Bitterly” will now themselves help the newlyweds to carry out the kiss, and the kiss will turn out magical, on the bridge of love. And he begins to call the guests one by one, and the strongest people are called: friends of the groom, girlfriends of the bride, uncles of the groom, brothers of the bride, etc. Guests sit on each other's arms, as if making a pyramid. The newlyweds are the last to sit. Thanks to the “sitting pyramid,” the distance between the chairs is reduced, and the newlyweds can already reach each other to kiss.
Who will teach you how to kiss
Sometimes presenters invite newlyweds to become participants in the “Kiss Academy,” where the guests themselves turn out to be teachers. First, the host finds out which of the guests has been married for 1 year, 5 years, 10, etc., asks whether their kisses have become less passionate and hot over the years, admires their ability to maintain warm relationships in the family for many years, and then asks to give a lesson to the newlyweds. To add some zest to ordinary kisses, the host can invite the selected couples to pull out a card with the name of the kiss. This could be simply the name of the kiss (“passionate”, “affectionate”) or a funny rhyme explaining when it is better to kiss this way:
“So as not to quarrel with each other, and only to confess your love, You learn young, How you need to kiss So that your wife gives you love and affection at night, When you come home from work, Kiss her on the nose, lips, eyes. If you want a gift, a fur coat, for example, made from mink, you kiss your husband like this from evening until dawn. If you want your husband to help in the kitchen too, you kiss him like that - he will always help then.”
It is clear that after reading the quatrain, the couple demonstrates their kiss, and the newlyweds, like diligent students, repeat the lesson. But whether or not to conduct such a kissing academy is decided by the presenter, based on the character and mood of the guests. It is fun and interesting at weddings, where there are many young couples who have experience in family life and are not embarrassed to kiss in public. Although, we must honestly admit, sometimes uncles and aunties who have already had their silver wedding give a head start to the young.
Some presenters invite the newlyweds to choose cards themselves, on which it is drawn or written how to kiss. The names of the kisses, of course, are chosen to be unusual and bright: royal kiss, sunny kiss, star kiss, boyar kiss, etc. The toastmaster tells what features these kisses have, and the guests, with applause and shouts of encouragement, ask the young couple to show their class.
"Bitterly!" witnesses
Very often, guests, inflamed by drinks, shout bitterly not only to the newlyweds, but also to witnesses or parents of the newlyweds. Let the parents decide whether to kiss their parents or not; for them, who have lived together for many years, a kiss is unlikely to be something new and unknown. But for witnesses, such tasks may turn out to be an unexpected and not always pleasant and welcome surprise. And if the witness came to the wedding with his other half, such an unplanned kiss can not only ruin the mood, but also create an explosive situation. Of course, the witness can simply turn her cheek to the witness, but it is not a fact that the guests will be satisfied with this, and they will not continue to insist, introducing discord into the planned program. In this case, you should cheat. The presenter, after a chaste kiss on the cheek, to zealous cries of “Bitter for the witnesses!” can simply say that both screaming and kissing. After such words, guests, as a rule, begin to scream even louder. But here it should be noted that the witnesses are not satisfied with such screams, and they ask that they scream more tenderly, then more cheerfully, with laughter, then romantically, with tears in their eyes, and each time they find some kind of flaw in the screams, so do not allow kiss the witnesses. When the guests' ardor has subsided, invite them to shout with a friendly note in their voices, and after that invite the witnesses to kiss in a friendly way, that is, just on the cheek.
Who shouts “Bitter!” - presenter or guests?
The presenter must remember that after each cry of “bitter” provoked by him, a raising of glasses will follow. Therefore, if his goals do not include getting guests drunk, it is better for him to refrain from such provocation of kisses. Guests, if there was no warning not to shout “bitterly” at all, and the kissing moment was not planned according to some special scenario, sooner or later they will still begin to demand that the wine in their glasses be sweetened with a kiss. This is our mentality—many people can’t imagine a sweet wedding without kisses. And even if the newlyweds consider this custom a relic of the past, this does not mean that all the guests at their wedding share the same opinion. This means that you should entrust the supervision of this “sweet” action to the guests. Banal rhymes like “may the dawn shine for you, but today is bitter” have long been tired of everyone. Therefore, it is much better (if there were no other wishes from the clients) for the guests to shout “bitterly” without the host’s warning verses, reminders “it’s been a long time since our newlyweds kissed” and so on, but solely of their own free will, whenever they want. If they don’t scream themselves, it’s not scary. You can always ask the newlyweds: “Do you want to be shouted at bitterly?” - and then direct the situation in the right direction.
According to psychologists, by the wedding kiss you can find out what your life together will be like and how long it will be. If the newlyweds kiss with passion, and for quite a long time, then the couple has a more emotional relationship, which may not always be long. And if the young people do not show off their feelings, and their kiss is rather modest and even shy, then we can say with confidence that they will live a long and happy life together.
You should definitely determine the mood for the upcoming kisses, because this is one of the components; you need to distinguish when and how to kiss in order to avoid getting into an awkward position.
Where and how to kiss:
- When registering, the kiss should be solemn and slightly restrained.
- On walks, kisses can be tender and sweet
- Playful and sensual kisses are most appropriate at a banquet.
By sticking to the above kissing sentiments, you will be on top. And your photos will turn out to be very beautiful and tender, as they should be, but, unfortunately, not everyone can restrain their emotions and passion.
You need to kiss at a wedding correctly, following the basic rules of kissing at a wedding.
The most important thing is that your kiss should be gentle, and from the outside it should look beautiful rather than vulgar. A kiss should be like a breeze, and most importantly it should not tire or bore your guests.
At the moment when you kiss, you simply must look beautiful, impeccable.
The kisses of the newlyweds should not only delight the guests, but also be beautiful in your wedding photographs.
The wedding kiss should be gentle; under no circumstances should you kiss in French, as this is slightly vulgar for a wedding.
Also, if you flatten your nose and hide it in each other's cheeks, it will look quite ugly in photographs.
And one more important rule of the wedding kiss. You should be wary of when you reach out to each other and at the same time close your eyes and make a bow with your lips. Because it looks ugly.
The wedding kiss should be light and careful. And in order for your kiss to be beautiful, just a half hint of a kiss is enough, the muscles of your face must be in a relaxed state, and, of course, your eyes must be able to smile. Kisses on the cheek, temple, nose, neck, as well as on the open shoulder and tender wrist are considered touching and sweet.
At a wedding, gentle touches of the lips (limited kisses), or a reverent kiss, when the bride’s lips tremble a little during the kiss, would be appropriate.
The main thing is that your kisses symbolize love, mutual understanding, respect and happiness of the marriage.
From day to day there is a wedding and it doesn’t matter at all whether you are the root cause of the celebration, maybe you are relatives or simply friends - but on this day everyone expects the fun to be cheerful and memorable. In case there is no agreement, the newlyweds will immediately become richer by five identical teapots, ten similar sets and other other generally necessary belongings, but... The best gift for a wedding is probably cash. For the first time, newlyweds are given the opportunity to “receive” a joint income, but they will have to pay for the wealth with kisses. The time has come to learn how to kiss “the Cossack way,” “through the stump,” “the Gypsy way,” and other ways. This will come in handy at a wedding.
*Performing a Cossack kiss.
The young groom is supposed to sit astride the faithful witness horse, holding a saber (knife) in his hand and feed the horse with any herbs or sugar. If the groom does not have a mustache, he will have to untangle himself by pretending to have a mustache made of green onions or fresh dill.
Any mistakes, in this case, are accompanied by questions like: “Why is the nag not fed?” Everyone who is not too lazy feeds the witness.
“Where is the checker?” The young man arms himself with a knife, and the witness must be prepared for the test. They will say that “The stallion is unfit and probably hungry.” The witness will have to feast on greens. Or maybe, on the contrary, they will organize competitions and races so that the stallion gets in shape. At the urgent request of the guests, the groom will have to portray a dashing Cossack, so test your artistic whistling abilities in advance.
* Performing a kiss through a fence.
The young people simply kiss, saying the words: “We don’t let anyone through the fence.” Guests notice any mistakes and make comments: “they are addicted to interfering with other people’s gardens, it’s time to get out of the habit,” etc.
* Performing a kiss between the legs.
In most cases, the groom either tries to do this with the bride’s legs or begins to be indignant. In reality, the witness must get two wine glasses and hold them on either side of the newlyweds, who are kissing at the same time. And since the wine glasses are on legs, the criterion is met. The bride and groom kiss to their delight.
* Performing a gypsy kiss.
The groom begins to kiss the bride's fingers, moving up her hand to her neck and lips. This method of kissing is also suitable for a wedding night.
* Performing a kiss through a tree stump.
The groom's father or grandfather is chosen to play the role of the stump. But more often, in order not to offend anyone, this mission is entrusted to the witness. It is advisable for the witness to grunt, pretending to have tormented sciatica, and squat down to the words “oh, this old age is no joy.” At the same time, the bride and groom kiss, and the guests at this time evaluate the extent to which the stump is “overgrown with moss.” This refers to his hairiness. When guests ask to show the hollow, the witness only needs to show his teeth.
* Performing a kiss 10 or 100 times every other time.
The most desirable assignment for a witness, and maybe for a witness. It consists of alternately kissing the newlyweds and the witnesses. According to the guests, for a bad kiss you should kiss again, and so the task can last indefinitely.
* Performing a bear kiss.
The groom, being extremely careful not to damage the dress, literally “climbs” up the bride.
* Performing a kiss on the oak tree.
The young man, standing on a chair, lifts the bride in his arms and kisses her.
* Performing the “birch tree” kiss.
Standing on a chair, the young woman bends over like a birch tree and the young people kiss. The young man can stand up on his toes.
* Performing a dove kiss.
The task is incredibly interesting. The young kiss after cooing and rubbing noses.
* Performing a kiss in Russian.
Elementary triple kiss. You can borrow experience from big screen stars or general secretaries from newsreels of past times.
* Performing a kiss around the corner.
The newlyweds, looking around and as if not seeing anyone, kiss with lightning speed. There follows humorous criticism from the guests about the shamelessness of the younger generation.
* Performing a medical kiss.
To ensure sterility, they kiss through gauze, which the bride will use as her veil.
* Performing the trickiest kiss - through the candybober.
The role of a candybobber can be played by either a 500 or 1000 banknote, or another item or object. Young people can get out of it and ask the tormentor himself to clearly depict how this is done. Of course, all the mistakes of the newlyweds have to be corrected by the witnesses. So they will depict this kiss clearly. By the way, young people, citing their lack of preparation, may ask guests or parents to imitate this kiss. One elderly couple imitated a gypsy kiss so enthusiastically that the newlyweds were already in fear for their wedding night.
Guests should have a supply of small change. In case the young people “work carelessly,” then instead of the 500 or 1000 bills they are allotted, they give them a handful of small change and force them to repeat it. Believe me, it's crazy fun. Bitterly!
No wedding is complete without a wedding kiss. And if on ordinary days no one except you is interested in how you kiss, then on the day of the wedding celebration your kiss becomes a symbol of love, tenderness, one of the main events of the entire wedding ceremony. Do you know how to kiss beautifully at a wedding or just in public? This article will undoubtedly pique your interest and you will be able to learn so many new things!
Kalym, ram's head and no kisses, or a small Kyrgyz wedding
A month before the event, a message came to the messenger from my friend living in Bishkek: “Salam, dos (hello, friend - author). I'm getting married around mid-November. I won’t mind your presence.” Woke up, I rubbed my eyes and re-read it just in case - not even a week had passed since I congratulated Temirlan on his birthday. He didn't say anything about marriage, and didn't even mention a girl.
— When to buy tickets? - I asked.
- Don't know. The parents will soon agree on the exact date.
Marriage in Ukraine is not only your personal matter. Relatives, no, no, will remind the young people that it’s time to go to the registry office. And they talk about the desire to babysit their grandchildren more and more often. In Kyrgyzstan, everything is still stricter, especially if you are the only son - this is exactly the case of Temirlan.
Kelin and where she comes
Tima and I have been friends for 11 years. We met in Kharkov, although both are from Kyrgyzstan. We lived in neighboring student dormitories, learned to understand Ukrainian beer and discussed the first steps in our personal lives.
I remained in Ukraine; Tima (Temirlan) returned home immediately after his bachelor’s degree. I could enroll in a master's program. But in the family Temirlan is the only son. There are two sisters, but mother must lean on a man's shoulder. So I hurried home.
Kyrgyz custom requires eldest sons to build their own destiny. The youngest or only son remains to live with his parents and care for them. If there are only daughters in the family, the parents take the first grandchild to raise. The procedures are strange (from a European point of view), but, on the other hand, Kyrgyz people rarely end up in a nursing home. Nobody leaves elderly parents alone. According to custom, the son brings the bride to his parents' house. For “new family member” the Kyrgyz have a separate word - kel and
n. It can be translated as “the one who comes.” Primak, just the opposite.
Tim announced the date a few days later, and we bought tickets. The path is not short: there are no direct flights to Bishkek, we are planning the cheapest route - Kyiv-Minsk-Alma-Ata. My brother gave me a ride from the former capital of Kazakhstan by car. The car drives quickly on well-kept asphalt, passengers can sleep peacefully almost the entire way - outside the window there are lifeless yellow steppes, there is nothing to see. Already closer to the border we make a stop - mountains are visible in the distance, time to take pictures!
We overcome the Kordai Pass - and now we reach the border. In the evening we are in Bishkek. We change clothes and go to a friend’s house for dinner - the last in his bachelor life.
Temirlan looked for his chosen one for a long time, up to 30 years. Also, relatives, who had been waiting for his choice for a long time, began to match their acquaintances. Tim was introduced to Medina by a friend of his mother.
Happy groom
Temirlan comes from a family of intellectuals. His father is a Slavic professor, and his mother also teaches Russian language and literature. Parents live in different cities.
Timina’s chosen one Medina is studying at a medical university, preparing to become a third-generation obstetrician-gynecologist. He is 30, she is 22. The future newlyweds met in early September. Temirlan proposed to the girl on his birthday, October 15. “Yes,” Medina replied a few days later. During the break, I consulted with my parents and friends, but they told me to decide for myself.
Traditions allow the groom to act in different ways. You can ask the girl’s parents directly for consent - the girl is unlikely to go against their will. It happens that brides are kidnapped - one such case was investigated by police in the second largest city of Osh in September. On a holiday, Independence Day, a guy and his friends kidnapped a girl and took her to a neighboring village. She did not agree to become a wife and called the police - the loser “groom” would be tried.
Temirlan acted according to custom - he told his mother about Medina’s consent. Tamara-ezhe traveled six hundred kilometers to Jalal-Abad. Temirlan's parents took over negotiations with the bride's family. The wedding was scheduled for November 13 - the sisters of Temirlan and Medina came to their relatives from Russia. The family decided to hold the celebration before they left.
Kalym and other expenses
In the package of Kyrgyz banks you can find the “Wedding Loan” service. It happens that having issued it, young people return the money after the divorce. Judge for yourself: the groom must thank the bride’s parents for raising her. The standard bride price is 100 thousand soms, that is, almost 40 thousand hryvnia. For comparison: the average salary in Kyrgyzstan is 14 thousand soms (5.5 thousand hryvnia), food prices are at the level of Kyiv.
For their daughter, her parents collect an extensive dowry - bed linen, blankets, pillows. And the groom and his family pay for the wedding. Temirlan’s wedding was small by Kyrgyz standards - 96 people. In Bishkek there are banquet halls for both 350 and 900 guests. The farewell ceremony for the bride in her native Jalal-Abad was more numerous. 250 guests gathered in the restaurant, 60 of them were Medina’s mother’s colleagues at the maternity hospital.
For the wedding, Temirlan’s family bought and slaughtered three sheep and a horse - people in Kyrgyzstan eat a lot of meat and see nothing wrong with the existence of meat horse breeds. The lamb's head is oiled, boiled and presented to the most honored guest - the father of the bride.
“Wedding” at the desks
On the wedding day, we arrive at 11 o’clock, knowing that the groom at this time must go to pick up the bride and then to the mosque. Only Temirlan and several young relatives are dressed festively in the house. With rare exceptions, only two witnesses go to the ceremony in the mosque.
Trade for a bride
The “ransom” of the bride is quite usual - solve riddles, take part in competitions, sing. And, of course, pay. While Temirlan was picking up his bride, Medina’s younger relatives stole his shoes.
“300 soms (115 hryvnia - ed.),” said the groom’s friend, abruptly.
“Give me more,” the kidnappers demanded.
“They are no longer at the market,” Temirlan’s “representative of interests” was unshakable.
Especially for the Timina mosque, my mother gave me a national cap and my girlfriend a scarf. Women must wear a headscarf when entering a mosque, just like entering a Christian church. It is permissible for men to be bare-headed inside, but it is considered incorrect to perform namaz without a head covering.
The ceremony at the mosque took place in a classroom where children usually learn Arabic. The mullah seated everyone at their desks, read a prayer, and took an oath from the newlyweds. He explained that divorce, although not prohibited, is considered a great sin. The couple, before Allah, but not yet before the state, went to take pictures in the Ala-Archa National Natural Park.
The newlyweds did not go to the registry office; they ordered an outdoor ceremony in a restaurant. Tima and Medina stayed unscheduled for an hour longer than expected due to traffic jams. In the restaurant, to the national song, the artist led the newlyweds around the hall to bow to the guests at each table. The registry office employee read the required text, Temirlan and Medina exchanged rings and signed the documents. The Kyrgyz wedding thundered.
The guests took turns going to the center of the hall to congratulate the young people. I remember the parents of Temirlan’s sister’s husband. They addressed the toast to Timin's parents.
— We say: there are seven weddings in Kyrgyzstan, because there are seven regions in the country. Everywhere has its own customs. We are from Talas (regional center in northern Kyrgyzstan - ed.). It’s customary for us to give national clothes,” the guest said and presented an embroidered robe (chapan) and hat (kalpak) for the groom’s father and a scarf for the groom’s mother.
— We appreciate it if Europeans (as non-Asians are called in Kyrgyzstan - ed.) learn our language and sing our songs. We appreciate it when people are interested in our culture. Such artists always have a lot of work - they will be invited to any event (feast, holiday - ed.), Temirlan explained to me.
I have experienced first-hand the respect the Kyrgyz people have for those who try to speak their language. A classmate translated the toast for me in advance, and I read it out in the silence of the hall. I was greeted with applause and even given a watch as a gift.
The holiday was coming to an end. Suddenly everyone became quiet and music started playing. 10 waiters entered the hall. Everyone has dishes with boiled meat in their hands. After standing for a few moments, they served the food to the tables. It was horse meat, the dish is called besh barmak (five fingers), it is eaten with the hands.
The traditional cry for our weddings is “bitter!” did not have. Medina still remembers how she attended the wedding of a Russian girl.
“Everyone there shouted “bitterly.” The bride and groom kissed while the guests counted. I was shocked. “It’s not customary for us to kiss in public,” says Medina.
After the wedding, Temirlan took the bride to his house - she had not been here before the wedding. If everything had been according to customs, then Medina would have sat in her room for three days and not left the yard for forty days.
- I think this custom is not without reason. A girl needs time to get used to a new home, a new family,” Medina explains.
But she was walking around the house the very next morning, and a few days later she went to school. Traditions, if they do not go away, are softened.
Medina decided to call Temirlan “you” - this is the custom in her native South. She allowed him to address herself as “you.”
The newlyweds want to buy a car after their wedding. At the same time, Tim is paying for the construction of the apartment. Not for yourself - for renting. He himself is not going to leave his parents' house.
I am writing this text in Kyiv. I have a Swiss Tissot on my arm and a white felt cap on the shelf. A good metaphor for a Kyrgyz wedding is not to lose traditions in the race against time.
Photo: Tatyana Kosyanchuk
Grigory Pyrlik is a journalist for Hromadske Radio, born in Kyrgyzstan.
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What does a wedding kiss tell?
Psychoanalysts are of the opinion that a wedding kiss can tell how strong and long-lasting the relationship between those getting married will be. Therefore, it is important to know how to kiss beautifully at a wedding or just in public. The wedding kiss cannot be approached from standard positions. For example, there is an opinion that the more passionate the newlyweds kiss at a wedding, the shorter their life together will be. This fact is explained by the fact that relationships built on emotions rarely stand the test of time. Conversely, a modest, restrained kiss indicates a certain amount of pragmatism in the relationship of future spouses, which allows us to hope for a strong and lasting union.
The approaches to an ordinary loving kiss and a ceremonial wedding kiss should be different. A kiss in the usual sense serves as an overture, with the goal of arousing sexual desire. It should be passionate and varied, including a large number of techniques, but it is very important to kiss beautifully. The wedding kiss has completely different goals. At a wedding, this is rather a symbol, a public demonstration of the seriousness of intentions, and not a way to gain sensual satisfaction.
A beautiful wedding kiss: what is it like?
Unlike caresses on the first wedding night, kisses at a wedding should not be so sensual; they do not have the goal of arousing each other. On the contrary: this action is more intended for human eyes and cameras. Therefore, do not try to show all your erotic skills, because a wedding is a holiday, not an orgy.
Newlyweds who have already passed this exam give 4 useful tips:
- Do not poke into each other’s cheeks, so as not to flatten their noses (looks ugly in the photo).
- Kiss without tongue, as the bride's makeup may smear.
- Do light, long “smack-smack” sounds when the guests are actively shouting “bitterly.”
- Kissing not only the lips, but also the hand, neck, cheek of the bride - such moments look touching and sweet in photos and videos.
A wedding kiss is a symbol of tenderness, manifestation of love, and the beauty of relationships. Therefore, there is no need to give it too much sexual connotation - you work more for the camera.
How to overcome feelings of embarrassment
You are already husband and wife, and yet not everyone is used to kissing in public. But still, you can’t do without a kiss: these are the traditions. The newlyweds are under the eyes of many guests, the celebration lasts the whole day.
There will still be a feeling of awkwardness, embarrassment, and inconvenience from the publicity of such an intimate process as a wedding kiss. Try to perceive this as a game, a special kind of shooting. Newlyweds who have already had a wedding are advised to just relax and kiss as best they can. If your toastmaster and guests keep shouting “Bitterly,” ask the wedding host to moderate his ardor. There should be reasonable doses of each process, including kissing. The wedding is celebrated not only for the guests, but also for the bride and groom. They should enjoy the holiday, and not serve as entertainment for those invited.
What does a wedding kiss symbolize?
Psychologists say that based on the nature of the kiss, one can draw conclusions about what family life will be like.
- A long, tender and passionate kiss means a long, happy marriage.
- Short, hot, full of emotions - for ups and downs in family life.
- A restrained, modest kiss means calculation in relationships, a reasonable approach to material wealth.
However, a kiss at a wedding is a situational action, and global conclusions cannot be drawn from it. After all, newlyweds may get tired, embarrassed in front of a large number of people, and try to take the best poses in front of the cameras. And then the kiss may turn out completely different from what it would have been under free circumstances, not constrained by anything.
Kiss and appearance
The beauty of the bride’s image is the main highlight of the wedding; usually everyone comes to see the bride. And the groom, although handsome and athletic, harmoniously complements his future wife, they look at him secondarily. In addition to invited girlfriends and exes, of course. After the wedding kiss, the bride's lips should be as beautiful and fresh as before. Despite the number of 'Gorko' and dozens of wedding photographs.
