Slavic matchmaking traditions. What is needed to negotiate a wedding?

Preparing for matchmaking

For everything to go well, you should draw up a script for the event in advance. It can be modern, with lots of cool ideas. Or traditional. It all depends on the personal preferences of each family. You can watch a video that will tell you how best to cope with the upcoming task. It is customary to conduct matchmaking at home, in a family environment.

Make a menu, the table should be rich. Prepare a variety of dishes so that the groom's relatives can enjoy the treat. It is traditional to meet matchmakers with a loaf of bread and salt. To create a good mood, you can turn on music and organize dancing. The modern scenario in this regard is no different from that adopted by our ancestors.

According to tradition, the groom must give a bouquet of flowers to the bride and her mother. There is no need to give large and expensive gifts to the bride's family; it is enough to limit yourself to fruits and sweets. Traditionally, the groom's family should prepare the loaf. But if you want to please future relatives, here is a list of possible gifts for a woman:

• Silk scarf or warm shawl.
• Expensive perfume. But you should not give preference to this gift if you do not know about the preferences of the person to whom you plan to give it.
• Book. This could be a collector's edition that will delight a literature fan.
• Home decor: figurine, vase, photo frame.

What suits a man:

• Wine, elite cognac and other alcoholic drinks.
• If a person smokes, buy expensive cigarettes for him.
• Tools for the home.
• Technique.
• Car accessory.

Gifts should be practical. You should not spend a lot of money if you are not entirely sure that your gift will please the person.

Dowry

At matchmaking, it is customary to agree on the size of the dowry .
In Rus', collecting a dowry traditionally began long before the wedding. It usually includes dishes, towels, and bed linen. You can buy household appliances if your budget allows. These items will be useful to the bride and groom in their future life together.

Happy happy ending

Parents raise their glasses to the unification of families and to the health of the young. After the bride has seen the groom, her matchmakers must tell the groom and his parents that the treat was to their liking, and the groom has come to court.

How can parents congratulate their children on their marriage? Be sure to read this article.

At the end of the holiday, everyone can go to the groom, check how he lives and whether everything is as the matchmakers praised. The modern matchmaking of the bride is very cheerful, fun and at the same time inoffensive, since the parents are already ready in advance to give their child in marriage.

In conclusion, we invite you to familiarize yourself with an interesting scenario for the bride’s matchmaking in verse and with an emphasis on Russian folk traditions. Enjoy watching, friends, and good luck with your matchmaking!

How does matchmaking work nowadays?

In order to find out how matchmaking takes place, you should turn to ancient customs and traditions, many of which have survived to this day. Since ancient times, young people and their relatives approached the matchmaking ritual very seriously, because without the consent of the bride’s parents it was impossible to have a wedding. Modern brides and grooms are increasingly turning to the ritual of matchmaking to introduce relatives to each other and establish friendly relations between them, replacing the popular “bride price” during a wedding.

Matchmaking scenario

A correctly drawn up script guarantees a successful celebration and will bring a lot of pleasant emotions, which is why it is so important to pay attention to it. Here are the main stages of the event.

1. The matchmakers arrive at the bride's house. They are greeted with songs and ditties.
2. Relatives get to know each other. The groom gives the gifts he brought and treats his betrothed's parents to a loaf of bread.
3. After introductions, guests are invited to a set table.
4. The bride comes out to the guests, whose parents describe her positive qualities, praising their daughter in every possible way.
5. At this stage, it is customary for the groom to confess his feelings to the bride and give her a ring.
6. If the bride's parents agree to the marriage, then the matchmaking can be completed with fireworks and dancing.

The role of matchmakers

In the old days, these people would praise the groom. Everything happened in a comic form. Matchmakers had to know certain poems and ditties. Initially, the matchmaking went according to the script, then they sat down at the table and began to celebrate the event. Currently, there are no competitions for matchmakers, besides, no one knows what to say anymore, and they won’t specifically memorize it. It is enough to come to visit with gifts and a good mood.

READ

Bride's dowry: tribute to tradition and modern order

Matchmaking: progress of the event

The arrival of matchmakers is agreed upon in advance by both parties . There are favorable and unfavorable days. Numbers three, five, seven and nine bring happiness and good luck. Try to invite guests on one of these days. It is not advisable to conduct matchmaking on Maslenitsa. Also try to avoid the thirteenth.

Matchmakers should be greeted cordially so that they feel the comfort and hospitality of your home. The bride comes out to the guests only after they sit down at the table. Her relatives should praise her. It would be appropriate to make a toast to the happiness of the young. As a rule, it is pronounced by the oldest and most respected member of the family. The toast can be prepared in advance so as not to get confused at the event.

In turn, the groom must prepare a speech in advance in which he confesses his love for the bride and demonstrates his feelings. After confession, he must solemnly ask for the hand of his chosen one from her parents. Having received a blessing from the elders, the matchmakers take the young couple to the center of the room and join their hands. The groom puts a ring on the bride's finger . It is believed that it should be decorated with a precious stone. If you believe in the energy that stones possess, then first read about their properties. Try to choose a light-colored and not very bulky stone.

Matchmaking in Kuban is noisy and fun. It is no different from the holiday in other regions of Russia. But it is worth taking into account the traditions of each nation, which may differ from each other. The modern scenario may be different from the traditional one. The most important thing is to have fun and be happy for the happiness of the young people.

Matchmaking traditions

In Rus', matchmaking was preceded by a bridesmaid ceremony, during which the groom and his relatives - an older brother, uncle or godfather - came to the bride's house. The purpose of this visit was to evaluate the girl and her talents. If the groom liked her, soon matchmakers were sent to her house.

They were very careful about choosing the day for matchmaking. We didn’t go to the bride’s house on the thirteenth, on Wednesdays and Fridays. Most often they got married on the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary - October 14th.

The groom had to rush to the girl’s house as soon as possible in order to avoid damage and the evil eye, but the matchmakers entered the house only after the third invitation. Guests in the house were seated in a special way, which demonstrated their intentions. The conversation started at first about something distant and only gradually got down to business.

According to the rules of matchmaking, the girl should have been silent and, with her back turned to the guests, raked out the ash from the stove. In order to demonstrate her family's wealth and her beauty, she could change her outfit about five times.

The matchmakers could examine the girl very meticulously in order to find flaws and reduce the ransom. If the groom did not like the bride, he only put the glass presented to him to his lips and left it full. If the girl was to his liking, he drank the glass to the bottom. The girl, in turn, could bring a pumpkin to the disgruntled groom.

The bride's parents negotiated, and the father made the decision whether to marry her to this groom or not. Matchmakers could come to the house more than once and be refused. At this time, the girl's father was choosing the most suitable match for his daughter.

What to talk about at matchmaking

Matchmaking on the part of the bride, what to tell relatives, what should you ask the groom's family ? Let's answer this question. Don't ask too many questions, as this can confuse the young man and his family.

Write down possible topics for conversation in the script in advance. This is necessary so that there are no awkward pauses at the table. Below is a list of topics and questions that can be addressed:

• future plans;
• the groom's thoughts on what an ideal marriage should be like;
• Favorite activities in free time: hobbies and interests.

Do not touch upon financial or personal issues in the conversation. Remember that the conversation should take place in an open, friendly atmosphere .

The groom's side can also talk to the bride. During the conversation, she should behave quietly and modestly. You cannot interrupt your elders or raise your intonation. On this day it is important to make a good impression on future relatives.

Matchmaking in Rus': how it was

Wedding rituals in Rus' are a very interesting topic. We have already talked about how the wedding itself took place. Now I propose to talk about how the preparations for the wedding took place and the main part of this preparation was matchmaking.

Despite the fact that marriage in Rus' has always been considered a voluntary matter, young people were often married against their wishes, guided by mercantile interests: to unite neighboring plots, take a good dowry, or simply bring a hard-working woman into the house. As historians have noted, parents often gave their daughters simply to the one who offered a larger ransom; sometimes an extra two or three rubles decided the girl’s fate. Often the bride and groom met for the first time at the bride's party.

It happened that very young children, 6-7 years old, were conspired for their personal benefits. In such cases, the wedding took place when the bride and groom were of marriageable age. There have also been some outrageous cases, for example, it is known that a certain peasant wrote a petition for divorce for the reason that he was six years old and had an arrangement with his fiancée of 27 years, and then got married.

The wife, taking advantage of the groom's youth, beat him, and when the young man came of age, his wife was already under 40 - at that time she was already a very old woman, incapable of childbearing, and therefore the young man asked for blessings for a divorce .

But this was not the case everywhere. In many cases, parents still tried to take into account the wishes of their children and sent matchmakers to the girls they had already noticed. At the same time, in many provinces only those brides who expressed their desire to get married were matched. It was done like this: on the name day, the girl stood on a bench, and on the floor they laid out a belt and a sundress, or a woman’s skirt, around her.

Her father, or in the absence of him, her older brother or older women in the family, suggested that she jump into a sundress or a belt. It happened that the girl, according to custom, walked back and forth around the shop, and her mother followed her with a poneva or a sundress, saying: “Jump up, child, jump up, dear,” to which the daughter had to answer: “If I want, I’ll jump, I want.” “I won’t jump!”, but in the end, the girl usually jumped into this sundress anyway. It was the same as now posting the status “In Active Search” on the VKontakte website. The main thing was not to miss, otherwise getting married was postponed for a year, until the next name day.

Matchmaking in Rus' is a large and carefully thought-out ceremony designed to settle all the hassles associated with preparing for the wedding. During matchmaking, they not only “conspired” with the bride - they sought the consent of the girl’s parents for the marriage, but also discussed the composition and amount of the dowry, the allocation of land to the family, the place of residence of the young couple, and the wedding day.

A huge role in the whole action was played by the so-called matchmakers - women with worldly experience and distinguished by the ability to negotiate, as they would say now - sociable. Moreover, in some provinces an indispensable condition was that the matchmaker should not be a relative of the intended bride and groom, while in others, on the contrary, only relatives were called matchmakers. The matchmaker’s work was not free of charge: in the event of a successful conspiracy, she received a monetary reward from the groom’s parents.

K. Makovsky, “Matchmaker”, 1900s

Matchmaking began long before the wedding itself. The skill of a matchmaker can be safely attributed to a type of profession. In addition to all everyday affairs, the matchmakers kept a keen eye on the girls living in the village, noting their habits, hard work, neatness, beauty, and obedience to their parents. The main qualities of a future wife are described in the saying: she should be “smart, healthy, handy and meek.” Brides were assessed by the quality of the fabric they wove, by the cleanliness of the washed linen, for which matchmakers could go into the yard of the family where the daughter was growing up and inspect whether the pots were cleanly washed, how well the fabric was woven and bleached, how beautiful the embroidered pattern on the shirt was.

Often these objects were deliberately put on display - what a hard-working and handy girl we have! Particularly great importance was attached to the way the girl carries water on a yoke: she scoops up full buckets - diligent; she walks and doesn’t shed a drop, which means she is a careful and zealous housewife. But the most important thing that the bride was tested for was her lack of inclination towards fornication. The matchmakers found out all these details.

Despite the fact that extramarital affairs were always condemned, and an unchaste girl could be disgraced throughout the neighborhood, young people still often “converged” during spring festivities. It also happened that a guy and a girl, knowing that their parents were against their marriage, did it intentionally, and then simply announced to their parents that there had already been a “sin” between them - in this case, as a rule, the parents had no choice but to do reluctantly, give your blessing. Let me note that we are talking about the age of those getting married from 12 to 15 years. It was these years that were considered the most suitable for starting a family.

On holidays, mothers took their unmarried daughters out to the people, dressed in their best clothes, and the matchmakers, as if by chance, walked among the lined up girls, looking closely at how they behaved, how they spoke, and how they were dressed. The matchmaker was not forbidden to look under the bride’s hem to evaluate the quality of the seams from the inside out, and therefore to evaluate the bride as a craftswoman and needlewoman. After such viewings, the matchmaker informed potential fathers-in-law whether the bride was good or bad.

Despite the fact that, as a rule, the whole village knew who they would come to match and when, the matchmaker showed up at the house of the bride’s parents as if just like that - she was walking by and decided to take a look, why not go to good people? The conversation always began with abstract topics; the girl herself was not present.

Having discussed the weather, the harvest and the dollar exchange rate, the matchmaker proceeded directly to the matchmaking, but spoke about it in riddles and jokes so that evil spirits or evil people would not hear and interfere: “The raspberries have blossomed, but isn’t this the basket for us?”, “The sheep has gotten lost.” , we are looking - is it yours?”, “We have a lock - you have a key”, “We have a bush - you have a flower. How about planting your flower under our bush” and, of course, the famous “You have a product, we have a merchant.”

At the same time, as in the joke, the bride’s parents did not throw themselves on their knees in front of the in-laws and did not kiss her hands, but answered with dignity that, they say, they don’t know and don’t know what all this talk is about. Then the matchmaker directly asked: do they want to give their daughter to such and such a guy? To which the parents began to deny and “scold” the bride, saying that our girl is inferior, lame and crooked. And if the groom was undesirable, then they could generally say that our bride was lying dead in a coffin.

There were other ways to send away the matchmakers of an unwanted groom, for example, rolling out a pumpkin at their feet or inviting them to peel potatoes. It happened that the girl’s mother, as soon as she saw the matchmaker, grabbed a broom and began to diligently sweep the floors, and in such a way that the matchmaker would come straight under a cloud of dust and debris. By the way, for a young man to be refused was just as shameful as for a girl. Such a groom was ridiculed, disgraced, and at his gate the girlfriends of the failed bride placed a pole with a rejected doll tied to it.

A guy who received several refusals received the reputation of being unsuccessful, and as a result, he might not find a bride at all, at least in the immediate area. Then he had to woo in other villages, but the brides were reluctant to give in marriage to someone else’s village, preferring local grooms to strangers: “Even for a broom, but to their own village!”

Often the matter did not end with the first visit of the matchmaker. Usually everything was decided in two or three sessions, during which all the subtleties were discussed with the groom’s parents, so as not to miss anything and so that there would be no offense later. When the matchmakers finally reached an agreement, they sealed the agreement with a handshake, and if there were literate people among them, then a written agreement was drawn up that had legal force. After concluding such an agreement, the parties could no longer refuse the wedding without good reason. And from the day of the agreement, the young people were already called the bride and groom.

A few days later, the groom’s relatives and the groom himself came to the house of the bride’s parents. These were already so-called shows. The girl, dressed in all her best, was brought to the groom and the young people “recognized” each other: the groom asked the bride’s name and patronymic, the bride asked him the same, and it didn’t matter that they could have known each other from an early age. The groom's parents asked the bride to show how skilled she was in needlework, how smoothly she walked, or they could ask her to sing. If the whole event ended successfully, then the matchmakers parted with the words: “God grant in good and holy hour.”

N. Petrov, “Bride's Bridal Shower”, 1861

At the same time, the groom gave the bride “luggage”: a fur coat, felt boots, a jacket, three or four pounds of cereal and flour, a few rubles of money. However, depending on the wealth of the family, the composition of the “luggage” could change in one direction or another. Later, the “luggage” was completely replaced by a cash gift. The girl’s parents were entitled to a ransom, compensation for taking a worker away from the family.

The wedding was usually held “through Lent,” giving families time to properly prepare for this event: if the matchmaking took place before Lent, then the wedding was celebrated after Easter. If the matchmakers came before the Nativity Fast, then the wedding was played with a winter meat-eater.

Competitions for guests

We wrote above that the scenario can be quite unusual. Some families organize funny competitions, which we will discuss below.

1. To conduct this competition, you should write in advance on small pieces of paper the various activities that the husband and wife will do after the wedding. For example: swimming with dolphins, drawing on the asphalt, going to the solarium together. Guests take turns taking them out and discussing the answers together. The more unusual they are, the more fun the competition will be. Show your imagination!
2. Guests should remember and sing wedding songs. You can prepare a small gift for the winner in advance. Music brings people together and is a great way to lift your spirits.
3. Make your parents happy by organizing a competition for them. Find out the history of their acquaintance in advance and ask questions related to it. This will put all guests in a romantic mood and create an atmosphere of love and warmth.

Folk signs

Not only in ancient Russia did people believe in omens . We very often pay attention to various signs and try to interpret their meaning. Below we present the main signs associated with the tradition of matchmaking.

• If you meet a man early in the morning, this is a sign that the matchmaking will be successful.
• Giving alms to the needy is encouraged among the people. If you want to receive God's blessing, give money or food to those in need.
• If on the day of matchmaking a spoon or fork falls, it means your guests are rushing to your house.