Funny jokes about weddings and newlyweds
Note to newlyweds. Over time, rose petals turn into socks and tights scattered around the apartment.
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Young wife: - Now, dear, we will eat one dish all week. I didn't notice that the recipe in the cookbook is for twelve people.
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Vanya and Manya wake up after their wedding night. Vanya: - Manya, your mother swore that you were a girl... - What, exactly, did she swear? - Just as I swore! - Oh, how awkward it turned out...
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- Why don't you dye your hair blonde? - says the husband. - What for? — They say that blondes cook very tasty food.
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The newlyweds behind the wall tossed and turned noisily all night, creaked the bed and loudly agreed with each other.
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A young husband comes home from work and wrinkles his nose with displeasure: “Did you burn something in the kitchen again?” - Yes. And now the situation is hopeless: a book about tasty and healthy food has burned down.
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I imagine a modern wedding night like this: a woman sits and frantically changes her last name in profiles.
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A young wife comes to a pastry shop and says: “Don’t you have a cake that’s burnt on one side?” I want my husband to think that I baked it.
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The newlyweds are talking: “Maybe we should go to the zoo?” Let's see a tiger, some kind of viper, crocodile, chimpanzee? - Give me the tiger. We saw the rest yesterday when we visited your relatives!
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“I read in the newspaper that in one year a person eats three kilograms of salt,” the young wife says to her husband at dinner. - May be. “Not at once,” the husband responds, sipping the over-salted soup.
Men hesitate to get married for a long time - jokes about what they think about this
Groom's look
“Yesterday I confessed to my fiancée all my past sins.” - So what? - I don’t understand anything... the wedding is in a week!
- Senya, why are you so sad? - Tomorrow my bride is getting married... - What are you saying?! And for whom? - For me…
Bride: - Will you love me when we get married? Groom: - I think so: I have always been attracted to married women!
- Listen, how did it come to your mind to marry Yulka? - I don’t know myself. She and I were sitting in a cafe one day, there was nothing to talk about, terrible boredom, well, that’s what I came up with...
The bride and groom are discussing their future life together. - Promise me, dear, that you will quit smoking. - Yes, my love. - And with drinking too? - Yes Dear. — And will you stop going to the club in the evenings? - This is all? -What else are you going to get involved with? - Happy marriage.
- Darling, if you kiss me again, I will be yours all my life! - Oh, thanks for the warning!..
- Will you always be faithful to me? And won't you look at the other one? - Calm down. You are my bride and will remain so forever...
The dentist’s daughter asks her boyfriend: “Well, dear, did you go to your father for permission for our wedding?” “No,” answered the modest fellow, “every time I go into his office, my nerves let me down.” Today I let him pull out another tooth from me.
After a night of love. She: - Darling, are we getting married? He: - Let's call you.
I got married, one might say, successfully. Every morning he serves coffee in bed! And how does she manage to find me in this big city?!
The funniest jokes about weddings and newlyweds
Newlyweds! Before you run to the registry office, hang the wallpaper together.
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The newlyweds agreed that under no circumstances would they lie to each other. After some time, the newly-made husband leaves on a business trip. Rides back on the train on the bottom bunk. Upstairs, an attractive girl sleeps with one leg hanging over the shelf. The husband, stroking his leg, woke up the girl. Word for word, they get off at the nearest station, rent a motel room, etc. The next morning, the husband thinks that he needs to tell his wife the whole truth - we agreed. And he sends her a telegram: “Darling.” I was traveling on a train. My leg sprained. Got off the train. Lying in bed. Hugs. Kiss. Yours Lyosha.
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The young wife says: “I wanted to make a surprise.” I bought a rabbit for lunch, but I just can’t pluck its feathers...
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Two friends are talking: “I’m so worried, I’m about to have my first wedding night.” - How worried will you be when you give birth? - This is nonsense, I’ve already given birth.
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Soon after the honeymoon, the young wife decided to cook something tasty for her husband’s arrival, according to the recipes she had been taught. Returning home, the husband found his wife in tears and from her sobs he realized that something terrible had happened. “This is terrible, dear,” she babbled. “The first meat pie in my life that I prepared for you must be eaten by a cat.” “Okay, calm down,” said the husband, affectionately patting her on the shoulder, “I’ll get another cat to replace the one that died.”
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The wedding night. A son calls his father on a cell phone. - Dad, she spread her legs. What should I do? - Shove her what you have, but she doesn’t! - Dad, what are you doing? A mobile phone won't fit in there!
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A newly married daughter calls her mother on the phone: “Mom, Leonid asked me to boil some tea for him, but there’s not a word about it in the cookbook.”
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A guy and a girl got married. On their wedding night, she says to him: “Darling, lick my pussy.” - Honey, but you're on your period. - Well, can’t you, for my sake...
Funny situations that can happen at a wedding
Let's find out what ridiculous situations can arise at a wedding celebration. We warn you: some of them are so funny that you definitely shouldn’t be discouraged: look at the situation positively!
Wedding photo shoot with would-be photographers
Everyone dreams of beautiful wedding photos that will delight them throughout their lives. The main thing is to find a good and professional photographer. However, more and more funny photos of weddings often appear on the Internet, which proves that such situations occur in many couples. A bad angle or a suddenly lifted dress can create a photo masterpiece that will be incredibly amusing to everyone around. Some brides and grooms specifically ask photographers to take a couple of funny photos for them, because you can’t always be serious.
Awkward situations during competitions
Perhaps the most funny situations at a wedding happen during competitions. In most cases, this is how guests meet at a wedding. Popular tasks include dressing up as funny characters, a guest accidentally slipping, bursting balloons on the floor and a lot of other incidents. And it’s a mistake to think that this can only happen at a celebration among ordinary people; incidents at celebrity weddings happen no less often.
Ridiculous wedding toasts
Funny situations at weddings often happen due to alcohol or strong excitement. For example, when guests say funny toasts and various ridiculous words. “With all my heart I want to congratulate you on the New Year”, “Today we are all seeing off the newlyweds on their last journey”, “I wish you to learn to tolerate each other” - phrases that the bride and groom sometimes have to hear. Usually the guest corrects himself immediately and only causes laughter from everyone around him. A little less often, guests confuse the names of the newlyweds.
Falling wedding cake
For some, dropping a cake is a tragedy and a real force majeure at a wedding, but for others it is another reason to smile and shout: “For good luck!” Often photographers catch the moment the food falls and the funny faces of the newlyweds, who were clearly not ready for such a turn. Such a situation at a wedding will leave you with only funny photos as a souvenir. Take this lightly, because you can order a new dessert at a restaurant or buy it at the nearest bakery, but you can’t bring back the fun and emotions.
Funny dances at weddings
Dancing is something that always brings laughter at a party. Some guests know how to relax so much that they become Internet stars and can put on a real show at the wedding.
And many become so liberated that their body begins to remember how they danced as children, and show guests everything they are capable of. Often such wedding situations do not spoil the celebration at all, but, on the contrary, become a highlight. After all, it is better to celebrate a triumph in a circle of sincere and cheerful people who know how to rock.
Witnesses had too much to drink
Witnesses are those guests who attract the attention of everyone after the bride and groom, help the newlyweds in everything and sit with them at the same table. At weddings, it also happens that the witness can drink a large amount of alcohol and thereby amuse all the guests.
TOP 10 most unusual newlyweds
There are photographs of the newlyweds on the Internet, which were initially perceived by society as a joke. No one could even imagine that these were real couples with the same real stories of their lives.
Here you will see the most popular family photos featuring unusual spouses.
Vampire wedding
Even informal people and people with strange ideas about life officially get married and start families. This is a real wedding photo of a crazy couple posing as vampires. The main thing is to agree on interests and views on life.
Brides are different
Even such “terrible beauties” are married. It’s strange that having such an appearance and a passion for tattoos and piercings, this bride wanted to wear a completely classic fluffy dress. But the butterfly on her head gives away her intention: most likely, she feels like a fairy.
Tallest couple in history
In the century before last, on July 17, 1871, an unusual pair of giants, Anna Haining Swan and Martin van Buren Bates, created a family. They were brought together by a chance meeting at the circus, where Anna performed as the most gigantic woman, demonstrating her height and volume. Anna was so tall that even sitting she was taller than average women, and her waist circumference was three times larger than average. The giant's height was about 228 cm, and her husband Martin's height was slightly lower - 220 cm.
Change of outfits
In China, one newlywed couple decided to surprise all the guests by switching outfits for the wedding ceremony. It looked ridiculous and even funny, but nevertheless, photos from their wedding became so popular on the Internet that they flew around the world like hot cakes from the counter.
Bride and groom in different weight categories
Everyone is used to thinking that men like thin and slender women, but this is just a stereotype. There are men who dote on chicks and adore them like queens.
Family of heavyweights
These newlyweds have become famous for their combined weight of about 350 kg.
The most modified spouses
This “colorful” married couple was included in the Guinness Book of Records as the couple with the most modifications on their bodies. The Perlata couple almost completely covered their bodies with tattoos. Also in their common arsenal: forked tongues, 11 implants on the body and 5 dental implants, 50 earrings and tunnels in the ears.
Elderly newlywed couple
Another married couple noted in the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest couple to get married. The combined age of François Fernandez and Madeleine Franzini is 191 years old, i.e. They are both over 90 years old. At the time of the marriage, Francois was 96 years old, and his bride was 94 years old. It’s not for nothing that they say that all ages are submissive to love.
The most famous married couple that blew up the Internet
When wedding photos of this couple appeared online, no one could believe that it was true. Everyone thought it was photoshopped or, at the very least, a bet. But it turned out that this couple really exists. They not only got married, but are also happily married, raising a child, and bravely survived all the ridicule and jokes of ignorant people.
Reynaldo Vavekche - young groom of elderly ladies
In 2007, the information world was blown up by the news of how a 24-year-old guy, Reynaldo Vavekche, took 82-year-old granny Adelfa Volpes as his wife. He publicly kissed his chosen one and showed his marriage certificate. To questions from journalists, Reynaldo answered that he always liked older women, and when in an interview they talked about intimate relationships with his newly-made wife, he answered ambiguously:
“Everything is still ahead...”
However, the marriage did not last long; Adelfa Volpes left this world a couple of months after the wedding, leaving the young widower with a good inheritance. After which he had litigation and disputes with his wife’s relatives, and this story of “love” was forgotten. But in 2016, a photo of Vavekche with his new elderly beloved, who, according to various sources, is about 70 years old, appeared online. But there is no information about whether their relationship is officially registered.
What should you not joke about at a wedding?
Wedding jokes can be anything. It all depends on your ingenuity and sense of humor. But there are topics that are better not touched upon:
- Problems with appearance . If the bride has a big nose and the groom's father is overweight, don't remind them of it.
- Financial situation . People often worry about delayed promotions or low salaries. The last thing they want to hear about is this at a party.
- Nationality , religion of the newlyweds and guests.
- Reason for marriage. For example, a couple is expecting a child and therefore rushed to register. But not everyone wants to laugh about this topic.
- Erotica . _ For many, this is too personal, and relatives will not appreciate such courage.
Wedding giveaway for newlyweds
Wedding giveaway for newlyweds
Jokes for the young couple will enliven the feast and delight the guests. It doesn’t matter who fools whom: the groom’s bride, the groom’s bride, or the friends of the newlyweds. The main thing is that the prank is funny and unexpected. Here are some holiday ideas :
- When the groom arrives to pick up his bride, he is met by a witness and blindfolded. The young man is brought to a room where the bride and her bridesmaids are waiting. The groom will have to find his one and only by touch . If he makes a mistake, the attempt is repeated. The friend removes the bandage only when the guy recognizes his future wife.
- In the midst of the feast, the groom receives a letter . The presenter offers to read it out loud. This is a love letter: “Dear Anton! We spent the best years with you, we had a good time together, but now you’re getting married. I'm sad, but I'm not holding you back. On the contrary, congratulations and wish you happiness. I will always remember you." Here it is recommended to pause and read: “Your single life.” After this, the guests raise a toast to the newlywed and his youth.
Wedding pranks and jokes
- The fun is interrupted by the appearance of men in uniform and with machine guns. They order everyone to stay put, take out a bouquet of flowers and give it to the young woman. Also, the “occupiers” can present the couple with a bucket or stroller to collect money. The chief riot policeman puts a bill there and invites the guests to follow his example.
- There are also less harmless jokes. For example, uninvited guests arrest the groom and take him out of the hall. Then he appears and says it was a prank. But be careful! Elderly or particularly impressionable relatives may feel ill. Warn them in advance that this is a prank on young people.
- In the midst of the fun, the toastmaster asks for a moment of attention. He says that there is a woman in the hall whom the groom fell in love with even before he met the bride . It is to her that he confides his secrets, plans, dreams. She supported him in all his endeavors and rejoiced at his victories. And, of course, she couldn’t miss her hero’s wedding, says the toastmaster and gives the floor... to the mother or sister of the newlywed.
- Guests and newlyweds look forward to the birthday cake. Witnesses can make a dummy and drop it at the most solemn moment. It’s rare to see such a range of feelings: fear, surprise and joy when a real cake appears.
