The ancient custom of kidnapping a chosen one is very popular in the Caucasus. It is difficult for a modern civilized person to understand and accept this fact. Civil authorities, spiritual leaders, elders, on the one hand, are in favor of abandoning the ancient heritage of the highlanders, on the other hand, the theft of the bride they like in the Caucasus is again gaining popularity among young people. What is it like to marry a person whom you often haven’t even met? How do stories like this end? Let's try to understand the intricacies of a Caucasian wedding.
In what cases does bride kidnapping occur?
The history of the origin of the tradition is as old as the world. According to chronicles and historical treatises, the Slavic peoples, the ancient Romans, and the peoples of the East have long chosen their soul mate in this way. This is also confirmed by the biblical book of Judges, which tells of the renewal of the Benjaminite family through the abduction of the maidens of Israel. But, let's leave the affairs of bygone days.
With the development of society, the progress of social and cultural life, women received equal rights with men. But a number of customs and traditions remained the same. How good or bad they are is difficult to judge. Become the wife of a stranger on someone's whim? Or maybe out of great love? Many consider this “practice” to be criminal, and the custom itself – barbaric. Oddly enough, the peoples of the Caucasus, both men and women, support accepted traditions. In what cases do guys resort to bride kidnapping in the Caucasus?
- As a way to solve financial problems: kidnapping in the Caucasus allows you to solve the issue of paying bride price to parents for their daughter.
- The social status of the groom is much lower than that of the chosen one. Realizing that the girl’s family will not consent to the marriage, the bride is kidnapped.
- A very common option: the future bride liked it. The chosen one is often unaware of the plans of her future spouse. This method of gaining a girl’s favor does not always end sadly: love and harmony reign in many families in the Caucasus.
- The most pleasant case for both parties is by mutual agreement. When a girl and a guy love each other, but, due to certain circumstances, cannot get married. The reasons may be varied:
- A young guy and a girl are attracted to each other, but their families are opposed to this marriage. The theft of a chosen one in the Caucasus in this case is a tribute to tradition.
- When a girl's family insists on marrying an unloved person, while her heart is given to someone else. A true horseman will not allow his chosen one to suffer in a hateful marriage and will kidnap his beloved, and the parents will be forced to agree with their daughter’s choice.
The accepted customs of the peoples of the Caucasus are difficult to consider separately from existing historical traditions. Many girls believe that only through abduction do true Caucasians emphasize the strength of their feelings and the seriousness of their intentions. Young guys, in turn, come to the conclusion that it is better to meet the girl of their dreams who shows them favor than to live with a person who secretly hates their spouse.
Stolen Brides
“I always knew that girls were kidnapped in the Caucasus, but in my mind, bride theft was something ephemeral, a very ancient custom. When I arrived in Georgia, it turned out that the tradition had not died, but with the tightening of punishment (from 4 to 8 years in prison) it only went underground.
If you are a traveler from another country and do not speak Georgian, then in the mountainous regions almost all of your interlocutors will be men over 50 years old - women and young people rarely speak Russian or English. Therefore, I heard something like this about the tradition of bride kidnapping: girls want to be kidnapped, they are simply embarrassed to say so; they love their husband and are very happy that they are married.
This picture of the world - carefree and happy Georgian women who dream that a stranger would take them from their parents' house by force - haunted me. I wanted to meet and communicate with women. But no one was going to introduce me to them: they said something like “she was just recently stolen, now is not the time” or “she doesn’t want to communicate.” The mountaineers of Svaneti advised me to go to Adjara, because “they steal everyone” there. Then the Adjarians will tell me the same thing about the inhabitants of Svaneti.
In Adjara, I went to the Khulo region. Almost only men walked or drove around the city, except that there were female sellers in the shops. I went into a cafe. Before I had time to finish reading the only page of the menu, two men from the next table urgently offered to treat me to beer. I looked around and realized that I was the only woman in the cafe. They asked who I was and what I was doing in Khulo.
“My name is Natasha, I’m from Moscow, I’m looking for a woman who was stolen in marriage by a man whom she had never seen before.”
And then a miracle happened: a man looked out from behind the curtain and said that a stranger had stolen his mother in her youth. Another had a neighbor who was stolen, the third admitted that he had stolen his wife, who had never seen him before. The men were proud of their actions and gladly took me to their home to show off their wife. I didn’t even need to persuade the women to take pictures, because their husband had already decided everything for them.
My husband or his friend often acted as a translator during our conversations. Once I asked a girl if she was happy in her marriage, and the man immediately replied: “Of course yes!” I asked him to translate the question, and the girl replied that at first it was very difficult - for four months she cried every night - but then she got used to it, and now everything is fine. The answer did not bother my husband.
Description of the bride kidnapping process
How does the process of kidnapping the chosen one take place? Help in stealing a girl in the Caucasus is usually provided by the groom's family, parents, and friends. Ancient legends say that a true horseman kidnaps his future wife on a horse, throws her over the saddle and takes her away in an unknown direction. Currently, the role of a horse is played by an iron horse - a car. Having chosen the right moment, when the girl is left alone, a car drives up to her, the doors open and one or more young men kidnap the bride, hiding in the car from the scene.
Then the girl is hidden at the house of the groom's parents, forced to spend the night there. After all, according to the traditions of eastern peoples, if an unmarried woman did not come home to spend the night, she is considered disgraced. Her further personal fate is very difficult - no one would want to choose an “unclean” bride as a wife. So the kidnapped girls have to agree to get married so as not to disgrace their family. One of the ways to save honor and avoid marriage for a girl is the following custom: to escape from custody before dawn.
After spending the night under the same roof with the kidnapper, the chosen one makes a choice: agrees to marry or flatly refuses, which can lead to inciting hostility between families. Having a sexual connection that night is not decisive. After giving consent to the wedding, the bride and groom go to her parents to ask for blessings. The latter, according to tradition, deny it to the young. After the birth of their first child, the parents change their minds and accept their son-in-law into the family.
The official position of religious leaders and elders of the Caucasus is that bride kidnapping is not a method for creating a family. The negative mental state of a kidnapped girl, often very young, can lead to irreparable consequences, including suicide. Legislation also protects the interests of women. Based on the parents' appeal, a criminal case is opened against the kidnapper. If in the future the family of the kidnapped woman withdraws the complaint about the theft, resolving everything amicably, and the girl agrees to the marriage, the legal claims are dropped.
"I don't care who she loves"
“Men have been kidnapping brides in the Greater Caucasus since ancient times. This is an old custom, and quite normal for the residents of this region,” says Magomed Ragimov . Magomed also stole his wife. “I couldn’t wait. I turned thirty. I had to get married urgently. She knew me, her brother was my friend. And she liked me, she later admitted. And the fact that I cried at the beginning was out of happiness,” says Magomed. According to Magomed, for a southern man to steal a bride is to prove his worth to himself.
Article on the topic
According to the laws of the mountains. How do they view marriage in the Caucasus?
The stories of girls being kidnapped are similar. The bride is tracked down, ambushed when she is alone, grabbed, put in a car and taken away. “The most daring kidnapping is considered to be when a man steals a girl near her parents’ house,” says Magomed Ragimov.
- What if she doesn’t love, or loves someone else? - I ask Magomed.
- Yes, it doesn’t matter who she communicates with and who she loves. If I decided to steal it, then I will do it,” he replies.
Possible endings for such stories
Many young guys, deciding to kidnap a bride, are unaware of the possible consequences. It’s great when this method of creating a family ends in a happy marriage. It is much more deplorable if a young girl is forced to submit to the will of the kidnapper by marrying him. There are not many options for future life: either “endure it and fall in love” or the unhappy woman will quietly hate her husband all her life. There are worse cases when a hot guy from the Caucasus, having “played enough”, loses interest in his chosen one. What are the consequences of the custom of bride kidnapping?
Happy End
Experiencing tender feelings for a young man, a Caucasian beauty may not be able to marry him for various reasons: family objections, an unmarried older sister, inconsistency in the position of the bride and groom. Then, the kidnapping of the bride often ends with a happy ending: the young people get married as if against the will of the bride’s parents, but after the birth of the child, having again asked for blessings, they receive forgiveness. The theft incident remains in the past; the young family, according to customs, is recognized as the girl’s parents.
Shame of the bride and enmity between clans
The traditions of kidnapping involve keeping brides for at least one night in the house of the kidnapper or relatives. All this time, the chosen one is persuaded to marry the kidnapper, demonstrating his special qualities: courage, wealth, position in society. There are often cases when several days of persuasion pass, and the girl refuses. Then the parents take the girl home, not paying attention to prejudices. Sometimes the groom himself lets the rebellious bride go home, preferring to find someone less obstinate.
Kidnapping daughters is a shame and disrespect for the bride's family. The result is family feud between clans, leading to bloody showdowns and revenge. Those directly involved in the events are experiencing what is happening most difficultly, solving a difficult dilemma: marry an unloved guy or shame for the rest of their lives. Young girls do not want to become the cause of tribal hatred and enmity. So they are forced to get married. It is wonderful if the husband turns out to be a kind man who, over time, will win the love and tenderness of his wife.
Criminal prosecution
The authorities and spiritual leaders of the Caucasus are trying to influence the situation: according to the laws of the state, according to Sharia law, bride kidnapping, psychological violence, especially physical violence, are unacceptable. The Criminal Code provides for articles for kidnapping. The girls' relatives file a complaint with the police, and the kidnapper and his accomplices, if there is evidence, face arrest and imprisonment for a term of 5 to 15 years.
Bride kidnapping in the Caucasus
In what cases does bride kidnapping occur?
The history of this ritual is as old as the world. From chronicles, as well as historical treatises, you can find out that the ancient Romans, Slavic peoples and men of the East have won their betrothed in this way since ancient times. In confirmation of chronicles and treatises, the Biblical Book of Judges tells of the prolongation of the Veniamin family through the abduction of the girls of Israel. All this, of course, is a thing of the past, but without the origins, there would be no modernity.
Society does not stand still in its development; with the progress of cultural and social life, women have acquired equal rights with men. But customs and traditions have not changed much. Whether they are good or bad can be judged for a very long time and to no avail. What is better: thoughtlessly marry a stranger or wait your whole life for your one and only? What if he never comes?
Most people consider the ritual of bride kidnapping to be criminal and barbaric, but, despite everything, Caucasian men and women maintain this tradition today. In what cases does a Caucasian bride get kidnapped?
1. Solving financial problems: the kidnapping of a girl makes it possible not to pay bride price to her parents.
2. The groom's social status is lower than that of his beloved. When the groom realizes that the bride's parents will not give consent to the wedding, he organizes her abduction.
3. The most common option: I just liked the girl. A Caucasian bride is most likely unaware of her future husband's intentions. Sometimes, this method of winning a girl’s favor ends in failure, but more often than not, an atmosphere of love reigns in Caucasian families. Women for the most part love brave men.
4. The best option for kidnapping is out of mutual love. When young people really like each other, but, due to some circumstances, cannot start a family, they can agree on such a theft.
The reasons why young people in the Caucasus cannot get married are different:
A guy and a girl love each other, but their families are categorically against the wedding. In this case, the kidnapping of a Caucasian bride is a tribute to an ancient tradition.
A situation where a girl’s family wants to marry her to an unloved person is also a serious argument for kidnapping. A real horseman will not allow his beloved to suffer next to a stranger and will steal the girl, and the parents will have to agree with their daughter’s choice.
In general, it is incorrect to consider the wedding customs of the peoples of the Caucasus separately from historically accepted traditions. Many Caucasian girls believe that only by abduction do true horsemen show the strength of their feelings and the seriousness of their intentions. Young Caucasians, in turn, sooner or later come to the understanding that it is better to marry a girl out of mutual love than to connect your life with a person who secretly hates her husband.
Bride kidnapping process
How does bride kidnapping usually happen? Relatives, friends or parents help the groom steal his beloved. Ancient legends say that a real horseman kidnaps his future wife on horseback, throws her over the saddle and gallops off in an unknown direction. Today, the role of a horse is perfectly performed by a car. Having guessed the time when the chosen one is left alone, a car drives up to her, the door opens, one or even several guys kidnap the girl and quickly leave.
The stolen Caucasian bride is then hidden in the house of the groom's parents, where she must spend the night. This is done so that the girl and her parents do not have the opportunity to refuse the wedding. Among eastern peoples, an unmarried woman should not spend the night outside the house, but if this happens, the girl is considered disgraced. In the future, her personal life will be very difficult - no one will want to marry her. Therefore, kidnapped girls have to agree to marriage so as not to disgrace their relatives. The captive has only one way to save her honor and evade an unwanted marriage, for this she needs to escape from custody before dawn.
After a night spent in the kidnapper's house, a Caucasian girl makes her choice: agrees to the wedding or refuses the forced marriage. As we have already said, refusal can have serious consequences, such as inciting enmity between the boy's family and the kidnapped girl's family. The presence of an intimate relationship on this night is not a decisive argument. If the girl agrees to the wedding, then together with the groom she goes to bow to her parents. They often refuse blessings. But after the birth of their first child, parents most often change their decision and recognize the young family.
The official position of Caucasian elders and religious leaders is that kidnapping a girl is a bad way to start a family. A bride's negative morale can lead to dire consequences, sometimes even suicide. The law here is to protect the rights and interests of women. The parents of the abducted woman can file a complaint with the police, and then a criminal case will be opened against all persons who were involved in the violation. But, if after some time the girl’s family withdraws the complaint about the kidnapping, settling the issue on their own, and the girl agrees to the wedding, the case will be closed.
Possible endings for such stories
Many hot horsemen, when going to kidnap their beloved, do not think about the consequences. It’s wonderful when, as a result of such an act, a new happy family is born. But this is not always the case. It is much sadder if a girl gets married against her will. The further development of events is very predictable: either over time she will “endure herself and fall in love” or the girl will hate her husband all her life. Sometimes it happens that a loving horseman soon loses interest in his wife.
Happy End
Feeling warmth and tenderness for a young man, a Caucasian girl for various reasons may be deprived of the opportunity to start a family with him: a parental ban, an unmarried older sister, different social statuses with her fiancé. In this case, the rite of abducting the bride most often ends happily: the young people get married as if against their parents’ will, but after the birth of their first child, after asking for blessings, they receive forgiveness. The incident of abduction remains in the past, and the groom, according to tradition, is recognized by the girl’s parents as her husband.
Shame of the bride and enmity between clans
On the night when the girl remains in the house of the kidnappers, they try to persuade her to start a family, demonstrating the best qualities of the groom: wealth, courage, social status. And it often happens that the bride gives her consent to the marriage. If the girl is categorically against it, the parents take their daughter home, not paying attention to traditions. It happens that the kidnapper himself lets the girl go home, having lost interest in her due to her inaccessibility.
The kidnapping of a daughter is a shame for the whole family. Therefore, as a result of such a daring act, enmity between families is possible, sometimes leading to bloody revenge. The person who is responsible for the event is the one who is most affected by what is happening. She faces a difficult and joyless choice: to marry someone she doesn’t love or to give up the wedding and thereby face shame for the rest of her life. Often, the last thing girls want is to become the cause of family feud, so they agree to marry even an unwanted man. It’s good if the husband turns out to be a kind and affectionate person who, over time, will be able to win the favor and even the love of his wife.
Criminal prosecution
Legislation and spiritual leaders of the Caucasus are seeking to influence this tradition. According to the canons of the state and Sharia, the kidnapping of a girl, and even more so, psychological and physical violence against her, is unacceptable. Articles for kidnapping are also spelled out in the criminal code. If the victim's parents decide to file a complaint with the police, they will accept it. If proven guilty, the thief and his accomplices face imprisonment for a term of 5 to 15 years.
Cases when theft is justified
In some cases, the kidnapping of a Caucasian bride is considered justified. Firstly, when a girl is kidnapped with her consent. Rejection by parents on either side, different social status is not a reason to deprive young people of personal happiness. Kidnapping the bride in this case is a forced act of lovers.
When a Caucasian family has an older unmarried sister(s), the younger one does not have the right to marry earlier. In this case, an ancient custom can help out, or rather, the spectacle of stealing a younger sister. Such abduction occurs with the consent of the girl’s parents, and sometimes even with their direct participation.
Video: kidnapping a bride in national costumes
How to celebrate a wedding in the best traditions of Eastern peoples? Compliance with long-standing customs for today's Caucasian youth is a tribute to their ancestors. In large cities, bride kidnapping is perceived as a theatrical performance. The family's coat of arms on the car is a symbol of the purity of the kidnapper's intentions, and the kidnapping itself is proof of the true love of the Caucasian. The girl is happy because for her sake her lover decided to take a bold masculine action. You can watch in detail how abduction by mutual consent occurs in our video:
Cases when theft is justified
It is possible to justify the abduction of a young beauty in the Caucasus in certain cases:
- When a bride is kidnapped with her consent. Failure of parents to accept the bride/groom or differences in social status is not a reason to separate lovers. Bride kidnapping in this case is a necessary measure.
- When there are unmarried older sisters in a family, the younger ones wait for their turn to get married. Then the “performance” of kidnapping the youngest is performed in order to observe ancient customs and traditions. Often this does not happen with the consent of the bride’s parents, but with their direct participation.
Theft at a wedding. History and traditions
Why do they steal the bride at a wedding? The beloved is the greatest value for the groom. But not only for him. In ancient times, when a girl got married, she rarely saw her relatives, and sometimes even left her home forever. Therefore, it is not surprising that neither her family nor her friends were particularly eager to part with her. But if you decided to get married, you had to at least fool the groom properly. Not only was he obliged to pay a bride price during matchmaking, but at the wedding itself, they used his actions to guess what the bride’s life would be like in someone else’s house.
In the midst of the wedding, the girlfriends took the girl away and hid her, and then began to demand a ransom for her return. The groom's reaction was used to judge his attitude towards his future wife. If you resignedly presented the bride’s friends with money and sweets, the girl would live with a generous and rich husband. If the thieves only got sweets, the husband will be poor, but generous and flexible. If the groom gave the ransom reluctantly, the bride would live with a greedy and evil husband. No one wanted to be known as greedy and evil, so the girlfriends were given gifts as generously as possible. Then the reputation of my friend’s husband was good.
Why do people steal shoes at a wedding? Previously, the bride’s shoes were not stolen, but were asked to be tried on. If among her friends there was a girl whose shoes fit, she could safely demand a generous ransom from the groom for this thing. If the groom refused, the girl could demand to marry her instead of the bride. Therefore, the groom tried not to refuse.
So the custom of stealing a bride and a shoe is a kind of way of telling fortunes for the future.
As for wedding bulls, they were stolen so that the newlyweds would symbolically pay a ransom for their own happiness, thus averting the eyes of evil spirits.
Video: kidnapping a bride in national costumes
How to have a wedding in the best traditions of the East? Observance of ancient customs for modern youth of the Caucasus is often a tribute to their ancestors. In megalopolises and large cities, young people perceive the abduction of their beloved girl as a theatrical performance. Flags of a family or clan on the hood of a car symbolize purity of intentions, and theft becomes proof of the seriousness of the feelings of Caucasians. The chosen one is happy, because for her sake the young man decided to kidnap him. How does bride kidnapping by mutual consent occur in the Caucasus? Watch our video.
Among the Tatars
To prevent parents from forcibly marrying their daughter to an unloved man, Tatar women negotiated with their lover. At a certain time, he had to steal the chosen one from his father’s house. A few days later, the young people returned to receive a blessing from their parents. The girl’s father and mother had no choice; they blessed the children for this marriage.
The Tatars have never kidnapped brides by force. The young people agreed on everything in advance so that the girl could marry the one her heart chose.
How did they kidnap brides in Rus'? (3 photos)
This ancient pre-wedding ritual dates back to the time when the Slavs worshiped a whole pantheon of gods. Yes, the Russians also stole brides, but later this tradition began to be actively eradicated by the clergy, because it was of pagan origin.
Source: upload.wikimedia.org
In the Caucasus and in our time, bride kidnapping is a necessary attribute of engagement. So, before the arrival of Christianity in Rus', girls had much more rights when making important life decisions. Usually girls looked for grooms on their own, and the kidnapping of the missus before the wedding was purely formal. It is interesting that if a man went to live with his wife after the wedding, then matchmakers were sent to the house of his parents. Brides were usually stolen between the two largest pagan holidays - in honor of the goddess of love Lada and Ivan Kupala.
Source:
Mentions of kidnapped brides appear more than once in the main written source of that time - “The Tale of Bygone Years.” So usually the girl went about her business in splendid isolation, knowing that on the way she would be kidnapped by her future husband. Naturally, the relatives of the potential bride were notified about this in advance. After the baptism of Rus', the church began to fight pagan remnants, but in some Russian villages brides were stolen until the 15th century. However, quite sad times have come for many girls, because now the future of the young was entirely decided by their parents, often without taking into account the opinions of their children.
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Marriage turned into a transaction, which implied that the relatives of the newlyweds should receive their benefits here. Surprisingly, this attitude towards marriage was completely inconsistent with many church and secular canons of that time, which obligated parents to listen to their children. But in reality, everything was usually decided by the family; if mom and dad did not approve of their daughter’s choice, then such an alliance was not possible. Sometimes lovers ran away from home for a secret wedding, and then returned back to receive their parents' blessing. Such marriages were popularly called “roll-your-own” marriages. Some particularly stubborn relatives could disown their children for the rest of their lives, although this happened quite rarely. Most often, after a little time, the young again became welcome guests in their parents' nest.
Source: www.myrussia.life
