- September 13, 2018
- Psychology of relationships
- Kira Ifeevskaya
When a man and a woman have been dating for a long time and never want to part, then marriage is an excellent solution. The wedding day is the first exciting and happy event in their future family life. There is an opinion that as soon as a couple legalizes their relationship, their love is broken by everyday problems. This article will discuss whether there is life after marriage and what stages spouses have to go through.
What will change after marriage?
It is the stamp in the passport that does not affect the relationship between two lovers. A marriage certificate cannot change a person in any way. But why then do relationships get worse after marriage?
Of course, if a man wants to live his life with one single woman, then he will not go anywhere without registering his marriage. In modern society, such traditions have developed that relationships must be legitimized.
If a couple lived under the same roof for a long time before the wedding and managed to identify all the pros and cons of each other, then the official marriage will not change anything for them. They will live as before.
A wedding is of greater importance for young people who, up to this point, have spent little time together, and are not yet familiar with everyday difficulties.
Modern newlyweds prefer to test each other's strength before getting a stamp in their passport, to live under the same roof in order to understand whether they are ready to accept and tolerate a partner always. Therefore, the number of years spent together begins not from the day of marriage, but from the moment they lead a common life.
Their parents have a huge influence on the relationships of young people, because they help them financially until the couple is able to provide for themselves, in other words, gets on their feet.
If all accommodation is at someone else's expense, then the relationship is more reminiscent of staying at a resort than ordinary gray everyday life. Such help does not lead to anything good. This deprives the future married couple of the opportunity to overcome life’s difficulties on their own. The guy, in this case, does not consider it necessary to provide his other half with finances, does not take responsibility for anything, so the girl cannot realize how their life will change after the wedding, when their parents stop giving them money.
Early marriage is a very romantic event, when a man and a woman cannot enjoy being together, they do not separate for a minute, but this is only at the beginning, then everything disappears somewhere, and harsh reality comes.
Binge eating
How does a person change after 10 years of marriage? A wedding becomes a turning point in the life of any person. If before this solemn event a person held on, went to the gym and went on a diet, then after the formalization of the relationship, willpower disappears somewhere. The person understands that now there is no need to take care of himself, and he can relax. This means that a person stops denying himself something. He starts eating at night, snacking on buns and instead of vegetables and fruits, snacking on sandwiches with mayonnaise. It is not surprising that after 10 years of marriage people gain a lot of weight. Even girls who were very thin before marriage gain extra pounds during pregnancy and then don’t even try to get rid of them. It seems that body shape and size should have no effect on personal happiness? A beautiful figure directly affects not only a person’s self-esteem, but also his health. As they say, a healthy mind in a healthy body.
You shouldn't let yourself go. You need to train your willpower. Are you thinking about the question of whether there is life after marriage? There definitely is, and a happy one. If you formulate your diet correctly, balance the intake of proteins, fats and carbohydrates, then you will not gain weight. At the same time, girls do not have to switch to eating separately from their husbands. You should normalize your young man’s diet, just slightly increase his portion of food relative to your own.
First month after wedding
After the wedding, the first serious event in the life of the newlyweds is a joint vacation. It is called the honeymoon because this is the time when newlyweds can indulge in fun times like before marriage. Such a traditional event, be it a trip to another country or just at sea, proceeds very quickly. During this happy period, the young spouses do not yet think about the fact that gray everyday life awaits them after.
Many couples prefer to collect the money donated at the wedding and go on a trip, because now they only need each other’s company, and no one else. This time is full of romance. Memories of him remain for the rest of my life.
The honeymoon is an established tradition that everyone tries to observe, because no one knows what the future fate of the newlyweds will be. Therefore, you need to make the best use of this period, since memories of it often refresh the relationship between husband and wife when their feelings begin to dull.
Lack of sex
Life after marriage no longer seems like a fairy tale. Why? Partners get used to each other and gain confidence that their significant other will not go anywhere now. This means you can calmly go about your business and pay less attention to your partner. The appearance of good relations remains. People still kiss when they meet, hug each other tenderly and say kind words. But there is less sex. A girl may say that she is tired doing household chores, and a man may prefer TV to his young wife. The logic of this behavior is simple. A person always wants to receive something that is inaccessible to him or something forbidden. When the possession of a beloved body had to be earned, one had to try. And now you don’t need to do anything, your loved one is always available. What is given to a person for free, he rarely appreciates.
Is it really that bad that people will eventually stop having sex completely? No. It's just that over time, quality becomes much more important than quantity. People approach sex more consciously, they take more breaks in order to enjoy the process.
Start of a relationship
The beginning of a relationship is the most wonderful time when people begin to get to know each other gradually, discovering new features in their loved one. They are influenced by their feelings and see only the good in their partner. Figuratively speaking, young people put on “rose-colored glasses” that prevent them from seeing each other’s negative qualities. Lovers go to the cinema, cafes, walks, generally have fun, their relationship is filled only with good impressions and they have not yet observed any real problems.
Family life
Before you decide to move from the candy-bouquet period to the ordinary one, you need to have a clear idea of what “family life” is. And this time will come as soon as the couple begins to lead a life together, rents an apartment for this (if they do not have their own home), and learns to build their relationships in various areas of their family journey.
A person begins to understand the significance of married life only during serious difficulties. It happens that friends turn away at this moment and only the other half goes together to the end. The main thing is to realize this in time.
Only a family person can truly feel happy, because he is loved, cared for and always expected and supported, and one can only sympathize with those who prefer to live their whole lives alone.
If people decided to tie the knot, then they were confident in their soulmate, and that they could always be together. Therefore, family should be a priority between career, entertainment and other things. This is the most important thing in life.
Careerists are most often left alone, or those who benefit from it financially are close to them. And in old age, such people regret that, despite having material wealth, they could not create the most important thing - a family. Finding himself in such circumstances, a person will feel lonely among many servants, colleagues and false friends.
Family life involves enormous responsibility for all members of the new unit of society, so if it is difficult to bear, then you should not get married and make yourself and your children unhappy. Only a sane person looks for a partner for life, has children and becomes truly happy. No money can replace family.
Only in a circle of close people - his wife and children - is a man able to grow and develop, as well as pass on his experience to his child.
For some types of people, family life is commonplace; for others, it becomes a routine. A person getting married must realize whether he really wants to spend his whole life with his chosen one (or chosen one), have his own children and raise them.
There is no heaven in a hut
Marrying a free artist without a regular income, his bride could not help but understand that he would not be able to fully provide for his family. Nevertheless, she chose him. During the candy-bouquet period, it seemed to her that mutual love would be enough for them to be happy. A certain period of time passes (usually 1 year, and sometimes even less - several months), and the lack of stability begins to depress her. The man is accused by his wife of all sins, but mainly of stealing the best years of her life. An absurd situation, isn't it? The husband leads his usual lifestyle, and the wife dramatically changes her attitude towards him. It turns out that the reason is not in his behavior, but in her thoughts.
You can save such a marriage, if, of course, there is such a desire, in two ways:
- Accept the situation as it is . Many women honestly admit that from a material point of view, the husband does not have enough stars in the sky, but he is kind, understanding, a good father for their child, etc.
- Take financial responsibility . Not all wives are ready for this, but many are quite happy to take on the role of breadwinner, while the husband takes care of the house and looks after the children.
If both options do not suit you, scandals in the family will continue as long as the marriage itself lasts. What is more important to you - personal happiness or material stability - this is already a matter of priorities that need to be set if money and love are incompatible in your case.
Dreams and reality
Next, we’ll talk about what crises there are in family life over the years and how to overcome them, since each period of life together has its own difficulties. Let's look at the main stages of a relationship.
When young people have moved to a more serious stage of the relationship, this is followed by their official confirmation. Since childhood, girls dream of a wedding, a chic celebration, a beautiful white dress, how she will go out to meet her lover, and catch the admiring glances of her friends and loved ones. In dreams, it looks like a fairy tale about Cinderella, which did not talk about how she lived with the prince after the wedding. Hence the question creeps in: “Is there life after marriage?” You can answer it only by understanding the main stages of relationships between people. There are only 5 of them.
The first stage - inspired by love
The newlyweds recently got married, went on a trip, they have many plans for life, and before leaving for work they exchange a passionate kiss. The first stage is the peak of romance and naivety. Its duration varies from one year to the birth of the baby.
Family life at this time is full of all kinds of events and entertainment. The newlyweds are influenced by the flared passion and feelings that once arose between them when they met.
All events that take place are accompanied by lightness and fun - renovations are done with dancing, energetic music, and laughter.
People easily find a compromise in any situation, give in to each other, do not quarrel, and do not see any shortcomings in their loved one. A week passes after the wedding, one, two, three, and so a whole year flies by, which is a small brick in building the foundation of their future family life. Peace between spouses will depend on how life will be structured at this time, how the couple will be able to find solutions to problems, understand and hear each other. It is very important in the first year of living together to learn to give in and find a compromise for both parties.
After the wedding, you cannot relax and let the relationship take its course; they always need to be given a “breath of fresh air.” It is a mistake to believe that a stamp in a passport forever binds people and they are each other’s property. You need to constantly win your soul mate, surprise, delight, and give pleasant gifts. You should always look for the right moments to talk about your feelings.
A man should not forget about compliments and give his wife little surprises not only for a festive event. And a woman, in turn, is obliged to take care of herself and maintain her natural beauty. She should not walk around the apartment in stretched, unkempt or soiled clothes, with greasy hair and lack of manicure. A well-groomed wife will always remain desirable and beautiful. After all, if a woman loves herself and takes care of herself, then the man will do the same for his part. In this case, the husband will not look at beautiful work colleagues, or just ladies he meets, because he knows that his ideal is waiting for him at home.
With the beginning of family life, both spouses have not only their own responsibilities, but also common ones. It is very important to immediately start doing all household chores together, this process unites. After all, it is unlikely that a woman will like such a picture - she is working around the house, and at the same time her husband is lying in front of the TV with a beer.
If any problems arise, they need to be resolved through a calm conversation, and not through shouting and scandal.
It is important to tell your loved one about your goals and dreams, for example, having a child, going to the sea, etc. Perhaps they will coincide and it will be possible to work together to achieve their implementation.
The second stage is identity disclosure
At the second stage, very often people learn something new about their beloved, most often these are negative traits. A man already knows that his wife doesn’t look as flawless in the morning as she does in the afternoon with a decent layer of makeup, that her eyelashes and hair might be false, and to keep her legs always smooth, she has to shave them every day. In addition, hidden complexes of a woman appear, which she hid so carefully, such as an imperfect figure, fear of gaining extra pounds, and so on.
But many of the husband’s secrets are also revealed to the wife. She understands that for him, spending the weekend in front of the TV is more comfortable than going somewhere, that he is sloppy, his socks are everywhere, he smells of sweat, he does not like guests, and especially her girlfriends, taking out the trash is a great problem for him.
If a child appears at this stage, then the relationship is only worsened by the fact that the woman loses her former attractiveness. They don’t sleep at night, they have to forget about sex for a long time, because they don’t even have the strength for it. At the same time, the child’s constant crying, the woman’s nervousness and irritability due to hormonal imbalances and fatigue. At this time, all romance and passion disappears. Living together becomes unbearable.
As the psychology of family life says, it is extremely rare for a man at this stage of a relationship to turn a blind eye to everything. And also, not to notice his wife’s hysterics, but will begin to carry her in his arms and confess his love. More likely, the opposite will happen: the stronger sex will break under the burden of everyday life, and if they do not leave the woman and the child, then it will be too late to come home, and they will often be late at work.
During this period, it is very important to support each other. You need to understand that the most important thing now is the child. As soon as he grows up, harmony in the family, as a rule, returns to normal.
You cannot run away from problems that have arisen; this will only make the situation worse. All difficulties are temporary, so you need to be patient and do what is necessary. If the woman you love begins to irritate you because she has lost her attractiveness, then you just need to help her with the child so that she finds time for herself. The lack of romance and past passion should not interfere with relationships at this time. It is important to view such changes as absolutely normal.
The best way out of such a difficult period is considered to be diversity in family life. You can leave your child with grandma and go for a walk around the city at night or go out into the world. A woman can try to change her image, dress as attractively as possible, despite the deterioration of her body.
Third stage. Should there be a divorce?
During this difficult time, the problems get worse, the relationship consists only of scandals and quarrels, the husband appears at home less and less. Many couples cannot withstand the onslaught of life's troubles and get divorced. Typically, a breakup occurs between spouses 10 years after the wedding, and old feelings fade away.
It is very important to talk with your spouse; you need to understand that we have gone through a lot together and it is stupid to separate. Another person will not change anything, the problems will remain the same, so why change the woman who once won your heart for someone unknown. All failures in family relationships must be experienced together and turned into advantages. One of the spouses may have to make concessions to the first. The important thing here is to save the marriage and not think about who will remain on the extreme side.
In such difficult circumstances, you need to try to spend time together, remember previous happy moments, then the feelings may return.
Communication with relatives
You are lucky if your husband turns out to be an orphan or comes from distant Argentina, so communication with your spouse’s relatives comes down to chatting on Skype. Others will have to be resilient and courageous. Now you have become part of a new family, where danger awaits you around every corner.
The husband's relatives can come to visit for a couple of weeks at any time. In addition, you yourself will have to go to various family celebrations of little-known and not always pleasant personalities. And they will also consider you “one of their own”, so they will easily ask about personal things, like: “When are you planning a child?”
Of course, you can break such a terrible circle and put your relatives in their place, but remember that your spouse will suffer from this. So you will have to take sedatives and show the inclinations of a diplomat.
Psychology of family life
In order for life to be happy after marriage, you need to adhere to some rules:
- All tasks must be done together, they cannot be transferred to someone else.
- It is necessary to accept each other with all the pros and cons.
- Not everything will always be stable in the family; even the role of head with the birth of a baby can pass to a woman. You need to be prepared for this.
- In a family there is no distribution of job responsibilities, like at work, only love rules everything.
- You need to be able to find time for yourself, everyone has the right to personal space.
- Children should be an expected event, and only bring people together.
Simple rules will help maintain harmony in the family and not destroy the union.
Lack of time for yourself
Previously, a girl could soak in the bath for a long time, do various masks for her face and hair, and go to a spa and beauty salon. A happy life after marriage deprives a woman of such opportunities. There is a catastrophic lack of time for oneself. You need to pay attention to your significant other, take care of the house, work, and when children appear, raise them. In this chaos, how can you find at least an hour a week to be alone with yourself? You need to win time from your family. You should immediately notify your partner of your desire to spend time alone. For example, on weekends in the morning you can leave the house and do whatever your heart desires until lunch. Such small forays should occur on an ongoing basis. Don't be afraid that your significant other will be offended by such behavior. The desire to take care of yourself and be alone with your thoughts is quite natural.
After getting your passport stamped, you will need to know what the wedding is called after a year of marriage. Calico wedding, paper wedding, leather wedding and so on will become official holidays. You will need to start family traditions and pay more attention to your significant other. But you shouldn’t give up your habits and forget about your hobbies. You can instill your interests in a loved one. Do you learn English through TV series? Watch them with your significant other and explain difficult words to her. There is no need to change your interests, otherwise after some time you will realize your degradation.
Husband and wife after the wedding. Who has it more difficult?
Things don’t always work out simply and smoothly for newlyweds, because they just have to get to know each other completely and immerse themselves in their life together. But which of them is more difficult?
Is it difficult to be a husband? A man is the head of the family; he must make all important decisions, but at the same time coordinate them with his wife. It’s just not difficult to be a husband, but it’s difficult to be a good one. It all depends on the character of the man, his position in life, upbringing by parents, and understanding of family values. The main thing is that he takes care of his family, helps in solving everyday issues and with the child. You just need to try for your family, and they will love a man simply for what he is.
Is it difficult to be a wife? After the wedding, all the housework falls on the woman, in addition to cooking, washing, cleaning, she must also take care of herself and raise the child. If a wife also manages to work with all her affairs, then she has no value. The main thing is that the woman knows how to cook deliciously, the house is always in order, the kids are in clean clothes, well-fed and happy. Being a wife is difficult, because she has a great responsibility for the comfort and cleanliness of her home, the health of her children, and at the same time she takes care of her husband.
