The rich traditions of the eastern peoples of the Caucasus are reflected not only in everyday life, but also in large-scale holidays. For the Chechen nationality, who professes Islam, the fact that the celebration is held in accordance with the strict rules of Sharia and Adat is an immutable truth. A Chechen wedding is no exception - this nation takes such an event extremely seriously, because divorce is not customary here. A Chechen couple starting a family goes through a series of interesting rituals and customs before the wedding, during the wedding process, and after the end of the ceremonial part.
Choosing a bride and getting to know each other
According to Chechen customs, the future wife is chosen by the groom himself. Choosing a girl for procreation is a difficult matter that requires the consciousness of the young man. Traditionally, a man does not have the right to take as his wife a woman who has the same surname as the betrothed’s father or mother, maternal or paternal grandmother, and so on - up to three generations. When choosing a bride, the wealth of her parents, the position of her family in society, the antiquity of the family, and the health of the future wife also play a role.
After the choice is made, the man has to meet the girl and win her affection. Dating can happen in several ways:
- Wedding acquaintance. According to ancient custom, a decent number of people gather at the wedding of Chechen families, and unmarried boys and girls also appear there. Girls embroider handkerchiefs before the celebration, men come up with clever jokes or phrases to win a girl’s heart. During a wedding celebration in Chechnya, a young man gives some kind of treat to the lady he likes through an intermediary. If the girl gives a return gift - a scarf or two cigars - the acquaintance is considered successful.
- Date. If the future spouse did not happen to meet his beloved at one of the weddings, there is another way - to invite the neighbor’s girl on a date. Communication between betrothed in the presence of elders is a shameful activity, so young people will have to hide from the eyes of adults during the meeting. To invite his future wife on a date, a young man uses an intermediary: usually a friend of his betrothed or a child who will convey a message to the girl. If a girl is interested in a proposal, she goes out to meet a Chechen guy.
Provided that several joint dates are successful, the young people like each other, the future spouse starts talking about marriage. As a rule, a girl does not refuse, since a long number of dates indicates her fiancée’s disposition. Then the young man needs to ask for a kind of “guarantee” that she will not give her heart to anyone else - this could be her ring, necklace or other valuable item.
After the choice is made, an acquaintance takes place, ending with agreement to marry. The groom informs the female half of the Chechen family about his decision, and it would be extremely indecent to address men. The young man’s mother, grandmother or sister makes their decision about the bride: as a rule, a negative attitude towards a girl, even now, can change the opinion of the future spouse. If everything suits them, then there will be a wedding. The young people agree on a date, and the family is engaged in sending matchmakers.
Chechen matchmaking is a dinner between the matchmakers and the men of the bride's family: a feast is prepared for the guests, a casual conversation takes place, after which the matchmakers announce their intentions and say the date. The bride's father, who makes the decision, first talks about what needs to be thought about. Only on the second or third visit does he bless the union of Chechen lovers. By the way, there is no shame if a Chechen bride herself decides to get married earlier - this will only help to avoid unnecessary expenses.
Wedding day
A wedding day in Chechnya is, first of all, a holiday for the groom’s family, because the bride’s family is not involved in the process. During the celebration, only those relatives who arrived with the bride in the same car are present. The father of the future spouse takes over the organization; the female half is engaged in preparing the festive table. First, a car with a mullah (Islamic priest) goes to the Chechen bride’s home, where conversations about spiritual things take place. Only after some pleasantries do the guests move on to the next stage of the wedding visit.
Family contract4
- Makka Sagaipova
People's Artist of Chechnya Makka Sagaipova is a truly born singer and dancer. Her creative career as a performer began at the age of 6, thanks to her father Umar Sagaipov, an accordionist. And by the age of eight, the girl also began to study national dances. Currently she is a soloist of the Lovzar ensemble. The singer’s dizzying career began in 2003 with the song “Beautiful Boy” and continued with two solo albums.
However, after a bright takeoff, for some time, Macca fell out of the sight of fans and stepped away from creative activities. Which in turn gave rise to a lot of rumors about the reasons for her disappearance from the stage. According to one version, the performer got married, and the new family, led by her husband, opposed her occupation. And according to another, the performer was seriously ill and simply could not perform.
Makka Sagaipova
But to the happiness of well-wishers and the disappointment of envious people, Macca returned to the stage and continues to work successfully. New songs and videos are irrefutable proof of this. And especially attentive fans of the singer diligently debunk the myths about her mysterious disappearance.
- Tamila Sagaipova
The younger sister of Makka Sagaipova, the daughter of the already famous accordionist Umar Sagaipov, became interested in music from early childhood. Thanks to the support of her father, People's Artist of Chechnya, and her older sister, a creative atmosphere always reigned around the baby. And the main thing is that in addition to the desire to make music, the girl discovered a real talent, apparently passed on by inheritance.
However, Tamila discovered the path to the professional stage after participating in the “Young Stars” competition. To this day, Tamila continues to grace the big and small stages of Chechnya with her performances, builds a creative career and participates in international competitions.
Tamila Sagaipova
Bride ransom
Chechen bride price (kalym or Urdu) is a certain amount of money or valuables equivalent to it that the Chechen groom pays to the family of the future wife. The amount is determined by the Islamic priest, it is influenced by the well-being of the betrothed’s parents, the position of this Chechen family in the community, and the positive qualities of the girl. Urdu should not be confused with the ransom of a valuable worker or “purchase” - the Chechen people have a different interpretation.
The Chechen bride is treated with great respect, she is revered, so such a payment should be a reminder to the hero of the occasion that instead of money he received something much more valuable - a close faithful wife, the future mother of children, a beloved life partner. It is considered good form when a future Chechen spouse pays more than the prescribed ransom amount: this means that he truly values the addition to his large family. After the wedding, the money usually goes to the bride.
Chechen bride dress
While spiritual conversations are being held with the mullah in the neighboring rooms, the bride is getting ready - putting on a beautiful wedding dress, preparing an outfit, which should not be white, for the next day. Dresses for Chechen weddings are a mixture of national costume with a modest European outfit - it looks rich and beautiful, see photo:
Vows of the bride and groom, conversations with the mullah
Although modern spouses cannot do without official registration in the registry office, according to Islamic traditions such a marriage is not recognized - the couple turns from bride and groom into husband and wife only after a ceremony performed by a mullah. The registration itself can be carried out either on the same day or several months later. The ceremony goes like this:
- For woman. According to the Chechen tradition, the bride remains in her room with two witnesses - she is already dressed and has packed her suitcases, which she will take to her future husband. Before visiting the bride, the mullah makes sure whether the men in her family are against the marriage. Then the mullah conducts a ceremony: he reads an agreement from the Koran, which the hero of the occasion must accept - her social rights and obligations are announced there. Afterwards, following the mullah, the girl reads the suras of the Holy Scriptures.
- For a man. After the ceremony with the bride, the groom goes through the same marriage procedure with two male witnesses. They also announce the amount in Urdu that he must pay for the hero of the occasion.
After the events, the Chechen bride and groom are considered married, they are given a marriage certificate, which is valid in many countries. After some time, the young people will exchange silver rings.
You can't meddle in your husband's business
Even after becoming a wife, a Chechen woman never delves into her husband’s affairs - some of them even have no idea what their man does, much less how much he earns. True, this does not apply to all families, but, as practice shows, women definitely do not give advice on business to their men.
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Wedding procession. The road to the groom's house
Before the wedding procession begins, the Chechen bride must be taken out of the house - this honor, as a rule, goes to the brother of the hero of the occasion or the cousin of her betrothed's father. At the right moment, the relatives of the Chechen bride will let you know that the girl is ready to go out, then the escort will come in. Before walking her to the car, he must perform a small custom: give the Chechen betrothed a banknote of the highest denomination (currently 5,000 rubles).
The man escorts the beautiful Chechen bride to the car, helps her sit down, and other sisters or girlfriends are traveling with the girl. The escort himself gets behind the wheel, and then the real race begins. When there were no cars, traditionally the carriers were horses, on which Chechen men competed for the right to take second place in the cortege after the cabman with the bride; this was considered honorable. Now wedding horses have been replaced by the horsepower of cars, and people continue the ancient tradition.
Often such a dangerous game leads to casualties or even deaths, this is more true for those who got behind the wheel while drunk or inexperienced drivers. To avoid such troubles during a Chechen wedding, the leader of the motorcade, riding ahead with the bride, usually slows down at a dangerous speed, reducing the likelihood of an accident. However, this is not the only road test: the Chechen wedding procession can be stopped by anyone and demand a ransom for the passage.
As a rule, the groom's brother or father's cousin, who accompanies the Chechen bride to the wedding, pays. When the cortege returns to the groom's house, the driver of the car, which managed to take an honorable second place behind the car with the bride, receives a valuable gift - it could be a luxurious carpet or a separate table at the wedding, where only people chosen by the winner can sit.
Humility and politeness
A Chechen wife must be humble and submissive. She should get up with the sunrise (or better yet, before it) and do something around the house, preferably with a happy face.
Practice shows that in many Chechen families all relatives (they, as a rule, live not only with the husband’s parents, but also with his brothers, sisters, uncles, etc.) first look at the new family member. During this period, they especially often point out her shortcomings - in order to have the status of a good wife, a woman must, as they say, take everything into account and agree with everything said, in no case contradicting her elders, and especially the men living in the house. In more modern Chechen families, a good girl can be considered not only for her thriftiness, but for her open heart, responsiveness, decent education and sense of humor.
Meeting the bride
The meeting of a girl who will soon take on the role of wife is an event that all guests are looking forward to, so it is carried out in an interesting way. There are several rituals performed after the arrival of a Chechen bride:
- Take a bite of the candy. Immediately upon arrival, the groom’s mother meets the wife and helps her get out of the car so as not to wrinkle or stain her dress. After leaving, the mother-in-law hands the hero of the occasion a candy, she must bite off half. The second half is eaten by the mother of the future spouse - this will be the key to a “sweet” life together for the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
- Shots or machine gun fire. While the mother of the hero of the occasion is performing a sweet ceremony, loud shots are heard, notifying the area about the arrival of the betrothed to the wedding. Previously, this custom served to ward off evil spirits.
- Thrift check. Often, when entering the house, unexpected trials could await the hero of the occasion. For example, the mother of the groom could leave a rug with a broom lying on it. If the betrothed guessed to sweep it up theatrically, it means she must have become a good housewife after the wedding.
- Corner. After the future wife arrives at the wedding, she is placed in a corner and allowed to hold a little boy - this will ensure that the first male child is born. The bride should caress him and then reward him with sweets or money. She will have to stand in the corner until the end of the wedding; it is not permissible to sit in front of the elders, but anyone can come up and look under the veil.
Everywhere accompanied by my husband
After a girl becomes a wife, her husband tries to accompany her everywhere. In fact, he even goes with her to the closing session and to study (even the fact that the university is sometimes located in another city is not scary).
Many Russian women do not understand such control, but men are convinced that as soon as they get married, they are obliged to bear responsibility for their woman, to protect her from possible dangers and other men who could offend her. It is worth noting that even if he has his own affairs, they are immediately abandoned.
In general, after the wedding, a woman becomes under the guardianship of not only her husband, but also his entire family - relatives (especially men) must take care of the woman and protect her in every way.
The custom of tying the tongue
The custom at a wedding in Chechnya - untying the tongue (mott bastar) - is carried out during the celebration. At a certain moment, friends of the future husband approach the betrothed, teasing her, trying to tease her with sarcastic jokes, but the wife silently endures their attacks. Then, in the same manner, the wedding guests try to beg a glass of water from the Chechen bride, and then ask permission to drink. The bride’s task is to remain silent until the last moment, and in the end, sparingly say “Enjoy drinking” to the men.
This phrase is a sign that it was possible to “untie the tongue.” Guests of a Chechen wedding drink water, and then are obliged to return the glass to the girl, but filled with money. If she is not paid, according to tradition, the Chechen bride has every right to never speak to her offenders again.
Wedding songs and dances
After the Chechen bride has entered the threshold of her husband's house, the lovzar begins - this is the wedding celebration. An important role in the Chechen event is played by the toastmaster, who manages to make pompous speeches, use skillful turns of phrase, shine with metaphors and make toasts in honor of those present at the wedding as if he knew everyone personally. The feast is interspersed with Chechen folk songs and cheerful dances, the main one of which is Lezginka.
The toastmaster makes sure that a man and a woman dance the Lezginka in the center of the hall at the wedding - first he chooses a Chechen man who comes out and makes several movements, addressing friends with the help of movements as a sign of respect, then the dancer turns to the female wedding guests. By this time, the toastmaster has already managed to choose a girl for the dance, and gradually the couples change. Chechen guests dance as long as they are in the mood and desire.
Watch the video of a cheerful Chechen Lovzar wedding, where guests dance an energetic lezginka:
Stereotypes to pieces6
Tamila Eldarkhanova is the one who truly breaks the stereotypical image of Chechen women. Open and sincere, model and dancer, Tamila combines the characters of modern independence in parallel with national canons and rules. She knows how to break the rules exceptionally delicately without breaking them.
Tamila Eldarkhanova
Most of her outfits, which reach the floor length, very successfully emphasize the rounded shape of the girl. The greatest popularity among men and Tamil fans was brought by the performance of the Chechen Lezginka. But according to the latest data, the model with outstanding appearance got married. The name of the chosen one is unknown to the general public, just as the lady’s Instagram page, which previously had 88 thousand subscribers, is now inaccessible.
