Moscow, 02/16/2021, 17:18:07, editorial office PRONEDRA.RU, author Inna Mordasova.
It is customary among gypsies to give their daughters in marriage at an early age. As a rule, they find a second half already at the age of 15-17, while boys become the heads of new families from the age of 13-16. Any other citizen of our country may not believe in such early dates for marriages. But all this can happen to the Roma, because to start a family they do not have to go to the registry office and submit applications. In general, representatives of this people rarely formalize relationships. Even if they wish to get officially married, initially the young people will have to go through a “gypsy wedding.” We can only respect the traditions of this nationality.
The main stages of a gypsy marriage
Gypsy weddings are special. The history of their wedding traditions goes back to very distant times. They arose when no one had even thought about Christianity.
Bride theft or matchmaking, registration at the registry office or wedding, a magnificent banquet or a modest buffet? In fact, a wedding can be celebrated in different ways. But there is one similarity - among the gypsies, all holidays are celebrated on a grand scale. Due to their own colorfulness and predisposition to outrageousness, gypsies cannot have a wedding without splendor. Literally all the money that the young family has is spent on the wedding.
The traditions of a gypsy wedding are as follows:
- Most often, the bride is very young (14 years old): 19 years old is a “second-class commodity.” And, most importantly, the girl must be innocent. This tradition is designed to preserve the purity of the bride.
- The girl for the groom is chosen only by his parents.
- Unmarried girls of suitable age perform a dance, the main purpose of which is “to present the product in its best form.”
- If the groom's relatives are not rich, there is still a ritual of stealing the girl.
- After spending the night in a young man's house, the girl must marry him, otherwise she is called spoiled.
Wedding fees: a lot of gold
The gypsy's relatives are preparing her for the wedding. The girl is given her hair, helped to put on a wedding dress and a large amount of gold jewelry - the bride should sparkle and shine, everyone should see that she has a good dowry.
The older women give the young bride final instructions on how to behave on her wedding night.
Sometimes disputes arise between relatives regarding the image of a young bride.
Hairstyle is an important element of a wedding look, so even gypsies pay close attention to it.
The bride's lingerie should also be beautiful and new. Prayers are read on it so that the young woman becomes pregnant as soon as possible.
Sometimes the bride's hairstyle is decorated with a tiara.
There should be a lot of jewelry and they should all be made of gold with stones.
The more shine the better!
What should the first wedding night be like?
This option seems the most plausible for our worldview. The newlyweds, after congratulating the guests, go to the bedroom. The three main women of the camp, who “guard” the young people, also go with them at the same time. They will expect confirmation of innocence. After intimacy, the couple brings out a sheet with a blood stain to the ladies of honor. This rite is also called "carrying out honor."
The soul of a gypsy is mysterious and incomprehensible. Only one thing is clear: a woman in marriage is still placed lower than her own husband. Her well-being, well-being and joy are valued inexpensively. The bride is like a product that must pass a quality test, otherwise it will become a marriage.
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Rich table and many guests
At a gypsy wedding there are at least 300 people present and all of them are relatives of the newlyweds. The toastmaster is not invited, the celebration takes place spontaneously, according to old customs. The wedding table should be rich, with lots of booze.
Several hundred people gather for a gypsy wedding.
The table must be laden with food and drink, otherwise the young people will face a joyless life.
How gypsies celebrate a wedding
Gypsies always celebrated weddings on a grand scale and pomp and never skimped on them. Their wedding celebrations are truly grandiose. Musicians, numerous rituals, “tours” from village to village - without all this, a gypsy wedding cannot take place.
- Matchmaking
A curious fact is that the gypsies even wooed their infant children. The parents planned to have a wedding when the children reached the right age. This agreement was observed very strictly. It happened that the gypsies could marry a young girl. If the girl’s mother and father gave their consent, then she went to live in the tent of the groom’s family and lived there until the wedding.
- Bride kidnapping ritual
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Bride kidnapping was common among all classes of gypsies. The reasons were different: the difficult financial condition of the family, the prohibition of the bride's or groom's parents on marriage.
The young people met at various fairs. It should be noted that it is not customary for gypsies to show sympathy for the opposite sex. They couldn't be alone. The young guy could not choose the girl who would become his wife; his parents did this.
- Bride ransom
The Kalderars were obliged to pay a ransom for the young woman. The size of the ransom directly depended on the financial situation of the groom's family. The Kalderars paid for the bride in gold. The minimum ransom amount was ten rubles, the maximum was thirty rubles.
The values of the gypsy community have deep roots, so the wedding celebration has a special flavor. The first wedding night among gypsies, unlike many nations, takes place during the wedding celebrations and requires special confirmation. Surprised? We invite you to learn about the most non-trivial wedding customs and features of the gypsy first wedding night.
How is the first wedding night among gypsies: wedding customs
In order to better imagine the colorful wedding celebration of the gypsy clan and its original rituals, Svadbaholik.ru will introduce you to several harsh laws that are still enforced:
- According to traditions, marriage between gypsies takes place at a young age. And if for European youth a wedding at the age of 19 is a rather rare occurrence, because, supposedly, it is too early, then a bride from a gypsy family at that age is already considered an old maid and no one needs. Therefore, gypsy marriages take place at the age of 15-18 years.
- Matchmaking may well occur at a time when the children of two families are in infancy. If the bride, for example, was matched at the age of ten, she can live in the groom’s family until she is fifteen years old, after which the wedding will take place.
- The word of the elders in a gypsy family is law. Therefore, the choice of a candidate for groom or bride is made by the parents, mainly the father. The bride's consent during matchmaking is considered formal, since she will not dare to go against the will of her relatives.
- A gypsy wedding does not involve going to the registry office, because divorce is not provided for in families. Orthodox gypsies unconditionally get married in church. The wedding celebration usually lasts three days and has about 300 guests. Absolutely all expenses are covered by the groom's family, so when a boy is born into the family, you must immediately start collecting money for the wedding. Interestingly, a wedding in India, on the contrary, is traditionally paid for by the bride’s side.
- Men and women must sit at separate tables, especially the bride and groom, this is the gypsy law. According to tradition, on the second day of the wedding, the newlyweds are next to each other at the same table.
Rituals among gypsies after the first wedding night
"Breakout of Honor"
The key ritual at a gypsy wedding is the custom of bringing together or “carrying out honor”, which follows the first wedding night. The newlyweds will be forever sealed by marriage, but before this event the bride needs to prove her innocence. A prerequisite for marriage is young virginity. How is it checked? There are three versions of assumptions:
- The newlyweds retire to a special room where the meeting takes place (the first wedding night), after which a sheet with characteristic marks confirming the girl’s innocence is brought out for public viewing by the gypsies.
- The bride leaves with three respectable women, who deflower her using a sheet wrapped around her finger. The groom does not participate in this ritual.
- The first wedding night, according to some opinions, takes place right on the banquet table in front of the guests. In fairness, we hasten to reassure you - this version is considered the most ridiculous and implausible.
During the absence of the newlyweds, some gypsy families organize theatrical performances - they recapture the stolen bride from the groom. It looks very natural, which is why there is an opinion that a gypsy wedding without a fight is not a wedding. However, drunken fights are completely unacceptable. Although the festive tables are laden with a variety of dishes and alcohol, getting drunk at a gypsy wedding ceremony is tantamount to disgrace.
After the newlyweds have been brought together, a bloody sheet (or, according to another version, a shirt), strewn with red ribbons and flowers, is brought to the guests on a tray. Women participating in the honor ceremony congratulate and thank the bride's relatives for their decency, and red ribbons are given to each member of the groom's family. The bride herself, after the first wedding night and the gypsy custom of taking it out, changes into a red dress and from that moment becomes a woman. There are those who braid their hair. Now she is obliged to walk only with her head covered. An Azerbaijani wedding has some similarities with providing evidence of the bride’s chastity.
Interesting: If there is no proof of innocence, the marriage is immediately dissolved, and the girl remains unmarried forever, which is a heavy burden for gypsies. In addition, the family of the spoiled bride will face lifelong shame and it is better for them to immediately leave their hometown. There are times when a girl still manages to get married, but it costs the family enormous efforts.
Rite of "Fraternity"
Immediately after the first wedding night and the “carrying out of honor,” the ritual of blood unity or “fraternization” follows. The newlyweds make cuts on their hands with a sharp knife and join the two bloods together. From this moment on, everything in life is divided in half for them, including household responsibilities. They are forced to raise children together and are considered relatives.
Wedding customs and rituals of gypsies differ significantly from the standards we are accustomed to. Strictness and submission are the basis of the relationship between parents and children. The most important advantage of a gypsy bride is honor. Severe rules are now found not only among the gypsies. You can read about the peculiarities of the first wedding night among Muslims on our website Svadbaholik.ru.
Source: svadbagolik
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Dancing until you drop
At gypsy weddings it is customary to dance until your feet hurt. Everyone starts dancing - the bride and groom, parents, guests. No one at weddings has any complexes, so the dances last until the morning.
Sometimes gypsy brides change into a more comfortable outfit for their wedding.
At a wedding celebration it is customary to dance a lot and have fun to the fullest.
Newlyweds should also dance - the bride and groom have fun like everyone else.
Wedding ceremony
The newlyweds sat side by side at the wedding table. The dishes were placed on tables with low legs. Those present sat not on chairs, but on carpets. The main role in the wedding was played by the ritual of honoring, or introducing the newlyweds. At the end of the wedding ceremony, the elders served bread and salt to the bride and groom and gave parting words. Then the newlyweds tore off pieces from the bun and ate them with salt.
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After this, the guests accompanied the newlyweds to the tent. This could happen in the middle of the wedding ceremony. The guests toasted and drank to the couple's happiness, congratulated the parents and expressed gratitude for their modest and well-mannered daughter. At the end of the holiday, the bride's shirt was brought out.
If it turned out that the bride did not preserve her honor, then the parents had to compensate for the expenses of the wedding.
From the moment the shirt was taken out, a scarf was put on the girl’s head and an apron was put on her skirt. After this, the girl was not allowed to appear in front of the opposite sex without a headscarf.
The third day of the wedding ends with the dowry. This ritual is accompanied by dancing and singing.
How is the wedding night of the gypsies?
The “carrying out of honor” is a key detail of a gypsy wedding. This custom is also called the custom of information. This means that the newlyweds are forever united by marriage. This is the most important and decisive moment in the life of the bride and her entire family. The bride must prove that she is marrying a virgin. If this is not so, then she and her family will be forever disgraced, and the marriage will be dissolved. Such a girl will forever remain an outcast among the gypsies and will never marry, and this is a very difficult fate.
This ritual takes place as follows: the groom, the bride and three respectable women (from the families of the couple) go to a secluded place and check whether the girl has retained her innocence.
However, no one knows exactly how this ritual takes place. A number of assumptions have been put forward:
- The newlyweds go to a room specially designated for the ceremony. There are ladies standing outside who will be given confirmation of the bride's virginity. To prove this, the bride and groom show a sheet on which drops of the bride's virgin blood remain;
- The women who have been chosen to perform the ceremony wrap a sheet around their arm and personally deflower the bride. In this case, the groom does not even touch the bride, he is not even present in the room. This method is very dangerous because it is not about cleanliness and sanitation. And, of course, this procedure will cause serious moral trauma to the bride.
- The betrothed deflowers the bride in front of all the guests, right on the wedding table. However, this version is considered to be implausible and ridiculous.
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Once virginity has been established, women place the bloody sheet on a special tray and cover it with red ribbons. The women then leave the room and congratulate the girl's family, especially her mother and father. Red ribbons are distributed to each relative of the groom for ransom. The groom's mother and father express gratitude to the bride's parents for their decent daughter. Then the bride herself comes out wearing a red dress, which symbolizes that she has become a woman.
