I remember it was supposed to be a normal wedding of normal people. The bride is a musician with Tatar roots, the groom is a human rights activist with slightly fat roots, but overall everything is decent. As a result, the tent looks like a circus, and the flamenco dancer came already on fumes and just looks bad. The wedding has a vague oriental slant, so for the second hour one howl is replacing another, and even the newlyweds don’t know who needs to be killed in order to finally set the funk. Closer to the morning, the Veuve Clicquot magnum will explode, and the groom will become allergic - apparently to everything at once.
Wedding for others
A wedding has always been a difficult task. But before no one had even a shadow of doubt about its necessity. Grooms all over the world voluntarily underwent various unpleasant trials: they went on a hike, did not eat or drink for several days before the wedding. Be glad that the most difficult test is now choosing cufflinks. However, today many couples find it difficult to formulate the meaning of going to the registry office. Therefore, relatives and married friends take on the explanatory work. You roll your eyes at first, of course, but after a while you roll up in celebration. There may be two reasons. The first is quite understandable: you just want someone to finally leave you behind. The second is irrational: one cannot underestimate the influence of the magical formulas “it’s the way it’s supposed to be” and “how to look people in the eye.”
In the post-Soviet era, a wedding is a meme and an epic in one bucket. It is rare if it is organized the way the newlyweds want. Even if you call a supposedly normal host, there is always a chance that the program will include an unexpected competition and in the end everyone will have to drink a mixture of whiskey, champagne and beer from a giant burning glass. And keep in mind: no matter how advanced the party is, at some point the DJ will have to turn off the Japanese techno and “play something normal.” And it’s good if the group “Mushrooms” turns out to be “normal” for a cousin from Tyumen.
Michael
49 years old, teacher
Have you seen the movie "The Courier"? This is roughly about my acquaintance with my first wife. Her parents were dissatisfied with me to such an extent that immediately after graduation they pushed the topic of a wedding in order to somehow ennoble our relationship. The bride wanted to quickly become an adult and dress. I wanted them to leave me alone. Consensus! Of course, the wedding became a demonstration performance of the mother-in-law and father-in-law - people “with opportunities”. I felt like a loser, but I guess I was, since my wedding was at the expense of the bride’s parents.
Now my son lives in London, married to a Chinese woman. While discussing the wedding, they wondered whose family would be more offended. The girl has terribly traditional parents: the fact that her son-in-law is white is enough for them. As a result, the guys quietly signed their names during the lunch break - and they did the right thing. The ex-wife is still upset that the children “didn’t have a holiday.”
Sergey
28 years old, marketer
I quite consciously decided to get married, but I didn’t think that the wedding would go so wrong. The choice of ring was already painful: all the options were either petty or too expensive. I acted beyond my means - then it turned out that my wife and mother found out the cost and condemned my gypsy scope.
A week before, a slight panic began: where did I even get in? Against her background, I had a normal party at the bachelor party. At the party, to put it mildly, I was late and arrived straight to the registry office - washed, but completely disassembled. While I was hanging out, my poor fiancée was nervous that I had run away and started drinking sparkling wine early in the morning. At the registry office, Masha was already drunk, and the ceremonial glass from the receptionist finished her off (but it revived me). The witness noticed our torment and offered a path to cheerfulness - in vain they refused. In short, everything was so strange that it was even funny. It would be wiser to spend all the money on a honeymoon - then it would definitely last a month, and not six days.
What days of the week are best to have a wedding?
We discussed which month to get married. It is also advisable to pay attention to the lunar calendar. You should not get married on a new moon or on a waning moon. Experts recommend giving preference to the favorable period of the waxing Moon.
The most suitable days of the week are Friday and Sunday. The first is ruled by Venus, which promises love and harmony to the young. And marriages concluded on Sunday are practically indestructible, since they are protected by the energy of the Sun.
Wedding for a cause
In modern secular culture, marriage is a social contract, a kind of act of trust between partners. Often this is just a legal formality and is needed “for business”: from child custody to obtaining citizenship or tax benefits. No matter how sad some may be, it must be recognized that romance is giving way to property law and prenuptial agreements. Against the background of such a change in attitude towards the essence and meaning of marriage, the process of registering it in Russia looks like a wild anachronism: no matter how hard you try to reduce the ceremony to a dry notarial procedure, you will not be able to get away from the registrar with a bouffant, who, like twenty years ago, will push a mournful speech about “the meeting of two loving hearts.”
February holiday
Sometimes the signs are right: in what month you got married, that’s how the marriage will be. February was popularly called the wedding month. This is because it is the most favorable for ceremonies. Why? Winter is coming to an end, the frosts are getting stronger, and so are the strength of family ties. Moreover, Lent will soon begin, during which weddings cannot be held. And this means that you need to hurry up.
Many couples strive to tie the knot on Valentine's Day. However, in fact, this holiday is not Russian, it came to us from the West, and therefore does not at all guarantee happiness in your personal life.
It is not recommended to have a wedding during Maslenitsa week. Let us remember the ancient folk superstition: “To get married on Maslenitsa means to become intermarried with misfortune.”
Also, you should not tie the knot on February 29th. People say that the happiness of the young will be as rare as this day. Also, you do not need to sign on February 15 (The Presentation of the Lord), 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.
It is important to pay attention to the weather on your wedding day. A clear and frosty day promises young people happiness in their personal lives and the strength of their relationships.
Maria
30 years old, art critic
We decided to register the relationship at the registry office after four years of marriage - we wanted to be able to make important decisions if our partner ended up in the hospital, for example. I was strongly against the traditional attributes of a wedding: an expensive dress, some special restaurant, distant relatives and the inevitable ceremony. I hate everything ceremonial, especially since I saw a lot of weddings and realized that I never want to make a parade out of my feelings. She suggested that her future husband refuse the rings, but he still insisted, because it seemed like a “normal” symbol. Coincidentally, two pairs of our friends also came to the decision to get a stamp in their passports - and even signed up for the Griboedovsky registry office on the same day. We decided to join them to have fun and to feel less awkward about encountering a formal setting and rituals. What we didn’t expect was the incredible excitement around the wedding - jokes about the honeymoon, discussions about whether I would change my last name (I didn’t, so that there wouldn’t be an epic with changing a million documents), sincere wishes to give birth to a son. I think that a wedding as a phenomenon has little to do with feelings.
In the West, fewer and fewer couples are getting married every year, and those who do tend to choose civil rather than religious ceremonies.
No desire to have children5
Understand that marriage does not equal children. Nobody forces you to become a parent on the first day after you signed the papers and celebrated the wedding.
The main thing is that you love each other. You need to have children consciously, and not just because you are now husband and wife. This has no effect. You must understand that children are a big responsibility. And until you realize the seriousness and are confident that you can raise a good person, it’s too early to become parents.
And if the question arises: “at what age should you get married,” then follow the link.
Olga
35 years old, medical translator
My partner and I live in Spain and are officially considered a stable couple: like married people, we can visit each other in the hospital and file a tax return together. The only additional thing marriage provides is the opportunity to quickly obtain Spanish citizenship. My fiancé has already applied for citizenship and we decided to get married to speed up the process for me. My partner and I are against wedding ceremonies and think they are stupid. It makes much more sense to celebrate a successful life together thirty years from now.
Wedding as a business
We must not forget that weddings are also a profitable business. The celebration was overgrown with a host of services: wedding coordinators and presenters, catering services, confectioners and florists, wedding photographers and musicians. In the USA there are whole people, that is, witnesses. Such call witnesses look great and make small talk; they always have a legend ready about the years of friendship with the groom. In Russia, this is an optional luxury - here you think that the wedding will not turn into a get-together of strangers who assure the bride that they are from the groom’s side, and vice versa.
Someone joked that wedding is the new black. They say that marriage has become fashionable again - just look at how the rich and famous are walking around. But, firstly, the joke has expired, and secondly, fashion has nothing to do with it: it’s just that in the age of Snapchat, demonstrating well-being on social networks is a separate reason for celebration. A wedding has often been and remains an exhibition of purchasing power: if you have it, why not use it to further increase your wealth? This, however, does not work for everyone: you need your wedding to be of interest not only to three relatives and a couple of friends, but also to at least one regional newspaper. This summer, the daughter of ex-director of Warner Music, billionaire Edgar Bronfman Jr., married a simple guy with prominent oblique muscles and a dapper Instagram. Needless to say, even at the engagement stage, all the men's magazines attacked him. The newlyweds documented every step on social networks - from manicure and suit fitting to cake tasting and getting ready for their honeymoon. During two days of fun in a Moroccan hotel, the bride and groom changed their outfits eight times - and tagged each brand on Instagram - and then sold photos from the wedding to a number of publications. Monetization by five.
Superstitions
A wedding celebration has always been surrounded by many signs and superstitions: the bride cannot even look in the mirror in full dress, and a pin must be pinned against the evil eye, and the bouquet must not be given to anyone. During the movement of the wedding procession, it is customary to choose the most ornate paths in order to confuse the evil spirits and lead them astray.
But even at a festive banquet, evil spirits can ruin the holiday out of envy at the happiness of the young. To prevent this from happening, the guests tried to deceive the devils by shouting “Bitter!”, thereby indicating that the event was already sad, and the evil spirits had nothing to do here.
The guests tried to deceive the devils by shouting “Bitter!”
Aliya
32 years old, wedding coordinator
As a child, I went to relatives’ weddings and knew what hell looked like: toastmaster, acrobats, magic tricks. At some point, the hosts constantly tell the men to take off their pants and dance sexy. I grew up, my friends began to get married: I tried my best to do it in a European way, but there was nothing memorable, it didn’t even smell like real revelry. I took into account the bitter experience of terrible weddings of relatives and dull weddings of friends and retrained from a PR specialist to a coordinator. I can manage everything - from ordering clothes and cars to food and music. I believe that a wedding is a party no worse than a bachelor party, but much cooler.
In most cases, the bride or her mother will handle the coordination. Sooner or later, brides experience varying degrees of stress. The grooms probably do too, but they are mostly silent. I had a wedding myself - even before I started organizing other people’s. We had a lot of fun and flew to Venice with a hangover. Thanks to the wedding for the vacation - three years have passed, and I haven’t been on it since then. True, now I mostly do destination weddings - Italy, France, Greece - so there are enough flights.
“Where is the world coming to?”
Once upon a time, the attitude towards marriage was different. Our grandparents lived completely differently. Divorce was not accepted, and it was shameful, so people tried to make compromises in order to preserve the relationship. Today, the older generation observes with horror the modern trend towards divorce and wonders: “Where is the world coming to?”
Previously, the religious aspect of marriage was of great importance. People were in awe of the sacrament of the union of two souls, sanctified by the church and blessed in heaven. The 20th century German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote a letter to his niece before their wedding: “Marriage is not just your love for each other... In your love you see only the two of you in the whole world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of generations, whom God causes to come and go for His glory and calls into His Kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you find yourself in a position of responsibility towards the world and humanity. Your love is your private property, but marriage is not just something personal - it is a status, it is a position. Just as the crown, and not just the desire to rule, makes a king a king, so marriage, and not just your love for each other, binds you together in the eyes of God and man... So love comes from you, but marriage is from above, from God".
Today, religion is increasingly losing content, leaving behind form. Some people go to church because “it’s the right thing to do,” others don’t go at all and don’t see the point in it. Compliance with traditions becomes a formality, and religious holidays become an occasion to once again meet with relatives and take a walk. Few people remember the true meaning of, for example, the baptism of children and what it means to be a godfather or mother. Most often this comes down to noisy feasts of godfathers and gifts to godchildren for the holidays. The true meaning of marriage, especially weddings, is also lost. What previously held families tightly together with indissoluble bonds now does not always stand the test of time, obligations and life’s difficulties...
The world is developing rapidly, and if we do not keep up with it, we face difficulties.
The development of sexuality plays an important role. What was once unacceptable is now completely normal and acceptable. The boundaries of what is permissible in the intimate sphere have practically disappeared. But why then do we feel loneliness, dissatisfaction and devastation? The emotional content is lost, and sex often comes down to a one-time pastime. As a result, sexuality is devalued, and this leads to very sad consequences...
Relationships are built on sexual attraction, which becomes emasculated over time and, without emotional intimacy, very quickly exhausts itself. Therefore, often the matter does not even come to marriage, and if the couple does get married, then the marriage, alas, does not last long.
Today, the very desire to get married often has frivolous reasons: to have a lavish wedding, wear a beautiful dress and post photos on Instagram to get more likes. It is also no secret that in marriage they often seek material gain. Feelings, sincerity, spiritual kinship are not taken into account, and many do not even ask the question “what is this?”
A lot of people think they love others, but in reality they want to be loved. We think about ourselves and don't think about what is good for our partner. Over time, such relationships fall apart at the seams.
Here are some examples from the web:
“My first marriage was a disaster - now even thinking about it is embarrassing.
At twenty-three, I met Kolya and within three months I got married. Everything happened very quickly. We celebrated a modest wedding, and then sat loudly with friends in a cafe. Divorced after three months. It was some kind of crazy passion with an equally crazy hangover. We had guests at our house all the time, countless numbers over these months. Now I can’t believe that I was able to live at such a rhythm. I don’t remember a single evening that we spent at home just the two of us.
The marriage ended with a message from my, let’s be honest, unfamiliar husband that he had stopped loving me.
They divorced peacefully, without scandals. I didn't even get upset. This marriage was a mistake, we were not initially ready for it...”
How often do we not know who is next to us. What does he want? How does he feel? What are his desires?
“My future husband and I dated for six years, and we started living together after four years. For a long time they avoided the issue of marriage, but closer to the seventh year of the relationship, it became clear that a choice had to be made: either break up or become a real family. They couldn't part. They played a wedding. Did I doubt my choice then? Rather, I was a little worried because my parents didn’t like him, and he often got stuck playing computer games. But we felt so good and easy together that this ease outweighed everything. After the wedding, the husband changed beyond recognition. He began to often say: “Your legal spouse is waiting at home, but there is no food on the table,” “You are with friends, but you should be at home, next to your husband.”
Although before marriage this was considered normal: I played KVN in the men’s team, and constantly disappeared at some parties. And then suddenly everything - my old life was gone forever, and with it my freedom. It was unbearable. Before marriage, everything was completely different, so such changes in my husband’s behavior took me by surprise.
After six months I was tired of all this, and a year later we formalized the separation. I took the divorce calmly and was glad that it was finally over. Our story has come to its logical conclusion."
Why get married
In the modern world, social differences between men and women are gradually disappearing. Previously, for example, the question “Why does a woman need marriage?” and it couldn’t be, because she couldn’t survive without a man.
A man is a breadwinner, alimentator and protector, and a woman is the keeper of the family hearth, who provides household life and raises children. Today, women often earn as much as men, and some even more. They are completely self-sufficient. And men learned to handle housework themselves - washing, cooking, cleaning. Therefore, many people prefer to live on their own, because there is no need for someone else, and it seems more convenient and familiar to be alone in your own territory...
To the question “Why is marriage needed?” everyone answers differently. The perception of relationships, love, marriage also depends on the individual mental characteristics of each person.
The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan defines 8 vectors - types of the human psyche that shape a person’s character, habits, abilities, talents and worldview. A lot depends on their combination and level of development, including the attitude towards marriage, because each vector has its own requirements and expectations from the partner and the relationship.
For example, for the owner of the anal vector, family and children always come first, and it is he who, more than others, strives for a traditional family, “so that everything is decent.” If there are no delays or problems in the development and implementation of the vector, such people are ideal family men, faithful, devoted and caring. They are wonderful parents, good wives and husbands, ready to do anything for the sake of their family. But if, as a result of psychological trauma, a person is in deep frustration, then he turns into a domestic tyrant who is capable of violence if his wife did not have time to prepare dinner or left dust on the windowsill.
Those with a visual vector are emotional, impressionable and romantic. By nature, they have the highest need to experience strong, vivid feelings. And therefore, love is the most important and important thing that viewers are looking for in relationships and in marriage. If a person is sufficiently developed, he is ready to give these feelings, he wants to love and experiences pleasure from giving. Otherwise, we often get a capricious, hysterical person, aimed at receiving, but not giving, who wants only to be loved and achieves this in every possible way.
The most enigmatic and mysterious is the man with the sound vector. His desires and needs are abstract, intangible, “not of this world.” And in relationships he behaves differently, not like representatives of other vectors. He needs peace and something special, spiritual... He is looking for a kindred spirit in a person. Someone who can understand him, with whom you can calmly talk about everything, and also be silent together, looking at the starry sky... Consciously or unconsciously, all his life, the sound artist is looking for the meaning of life, trying to comprehend a higher power, to connect with something much larger and more important, than a limited bodily shell. A person with a sound vector suffers more than others from loneliness, although he strives for it.
Why is marriage necessary?
As children, we read fairy tales that invariably ended with the words “And they lived happily ever after...”. In films we see examples of true love, strong, deep, breaking any obstacles. In life, everything is different and sometimes it seems that such love does not exist at all. But what then inspires artists to sing poignant songs about love, and directors and actors to create and embody touching romantic stories on the screen?.. Is such love possible in our lives and what, in fact, is the role of marriage in a relationship? And is the modern stereotype that “a stamp in a passport doesn’t change anything” really true?
In fact, it changes a lot. He changes everything. When you and your loved one stand in front of society and go through a wedding ceremony, you seem to be saying: “We are now a real family, we are husband and wife, we are one whole. We have love and commitment to each other." You are declaring the seriousness of your relationship publicly. And this has a strong psychological effect. It's not just ME anymore. It's WE. Perception changes, and thoughts in your head instantly change, relationships also change - they move to a new, higher level. A stamp in a passport is not just a stamp, it is a new stage of life, a new milestone and a complete change in the perception of relationships and life in general.
All changes in the world happen for a reason. But evolution is evolution, and desires remain the same; for many centuries they have been inscribed in the depths of our psyche. No matter how much a woman earns, no matter how independent she is, she still feels safe and secure next to a man. But a man wants a woman, and no advantages of a bachelor’s life can replace the inspiration that he receives from the only woman he loves with all his heart.
Higher than love Sew the wings of the clouds, Higher than love. Let's fly with you! Do you hear there... Everything is open to us... You know, I won’t betray you with my heart.
Micah Newton.
Wedding for the sake of party
Imagine a grand party attended by your friends, relatives and even classmates whom you have not seen for many years. Everyone does nothing but send you smiles and say words that bring tears of happiness to your eyes. Is it possible to throw such a party for no reason? Hardly.
Two loving people may indeed have a sincere desire to communicate their feelings as loudly as possible, reminding each other and relatives of their love. If a wedding is not a reason to show off, is not a PR campaign and is not organized under pressure from relatives, then why not?
You yourself don’t want a wedding: why?
If the question is “should I get married?” appeared in your head, and you carefully read this article, then most likely something is definitely wrong with your relationship. For people who are happy in a relationship and want to always be together, this question does not arise. They don't even think about it.
Now let's talk about the possible reasons for such thoughts. Perhaps your family or significant other is forcing you to get married. Or you don't want your marriage to end badly. Or perhaps you're scared of having children after marriage. Regardless of the reason behind your thoughts and the need for a wedding, you must first understand yourself and your desires. You need to understand what exactly you need to get from life and a wedding is on this list.
It is equally important to understand what you, men, can give to your possible family. You don’t just get married because you have to or because you wanted to. In marriage, the main thing is to give yourself completely to your spouse.
So, if you are in a relationship and wondering whether there is any point in getting married, then most likely this girl is not the one you need. For the sake of that one, you will want to move mountains and do everything possible to make her happy. If there are no such sensations next to your current lady of your heart, then the time has definitely not come yet.
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