What is engagement
The word “engagement” comes from the verb “engage,” which means “to agree, come to an agreement.” Previously, betrothal was also called a handshake or an agreement.
An engagement is the official announcement of a couple in love about their decision to get married. After the engagement is concluded, the boy becomes the groom, and the girl becomes the bride.
The time between engagement and wedding is necessary so that young people can test the strength of their feelings for each other and make sure that they are doing the right thing. In addition, during this period all organizational issues regarding the wedding are usually resolved.
Betrothal and Engagement: What's the Difference?
The concepts of “betrothal” and “engagement” are often confused. But it's not the same thing.
Betrothal is a religious ceremony that takes place in a church in the presence of clergy. During the engagement ceremony, young people exchange rings.
Engagement is not a religious event. It can take place at home or in a restaurant.
Stages of Engagement
• There are many unforgettable marriage proposal scenarios - in a spa hotel, underwater, during a horseback ride or on a trip to the seven seas. Inventive young people hide the ring in champagne, in a cake or in a flower bud. But the main role in the production of “Dream Engagement”, of course, is assigned to the future bride: do not forget to press your palms to your face! • Having received the cherished “yes” from his beloved, the chosen one can ask his daughter’s hand in marriage from her parents - preferably in a relaxed atmosphere over a glass of wine. It is not advisable for the proposal to come as a complete surprise to the parents. Etiquette recommends that the girl first discuss wedding plans with her father and mother, so that if there are any objections, the parents can express them in a timely manner. • The engagement is usually officially announced at a general family gathering, where the groom's parents are also present. According to etiquette, the bride's parents should organize the celebration. It is considered good manners if a girl at this evening gives her beloved a return gift (say, a gadget or a watch). If important participants in the “ceremony” live in other cities, it is permissible to notify them of the engagement by letter.
How to organize an engagement party
There are no strict rules governing how an engagement should be arranged. The lovers decide how to celebrate this event, depending on their preferences.
However, it will be better if the bride and groom get to know each other's parents before the engagement. This will allow you to find a common language with future relatives and establish good relationships with them.
When meeting parents, it is important to make a positive impression. You need to agree in advance on the time and place of the meeting. It’s good if the young man doesn’t come empty-handed.
You can give flowers to your future mother-in-law, and a bottle of quality cognac to your father-in-law. It would be a good idea to consult with the bride about gifts: she should know exactly what her parents will like.
You shouldn't arrange an engagement so that it is a surprise for your parents.
Nowadays, not all couples consider it necessary to obtain parental approval before getting engaged. Nevertheless, it is considered good form for the groom to visit the bride’s house, during which he asks for his beloved’s hand in marriage from her parents.
Some young people ask for parental blessings. In Orthodoxy, this tradition is given special significance. In non-religious families, parents may simply say a few parting words.
What is needed for this
An important element of the engagement is the ring that a man gives to his beloved. This issue should be taken seriously.
Regarding the size and appearance of the ring, you can consult with your mother, sister or friend of the bride.
If a girl accepts the ring, it means that she agrees to get married. In case of termination of the engagement, the girl must return the ring to the groom.
The bride can also present a gift to her chosen one.
While an engagement doesn't necessarily have to be a lavish celebration, it is still an important day in every couple's life, so it's worth celebrating as such. You can have a fun party with many guests or celebrate with a small company of relatives and closest friends.
A few things to keep in mind:
- you need to decide in advance where and when the holiday will take place, draw up a list of guests, think over the menu;
- invitations must be sent out to guests in advance;
- you should not invite guests whom you do not intend to invite to the wedding - this is bad form;
- you need to think about the issue of photo and video shooting, because the couple will probably want to capture this day;
- The engagement is often timed to coincide with the day the application is submitted to the registry office, but this is not necessary.
Traditional ritual
Previously, wedding traditions were much more complex. To get married, you had to go through several stages.
First, the girl was matched. The young man's parents visited the house of the potential bride's parents and discussed the possibility of marrying their children. If they came to an agreement, then the issue of dowry was discussed. Often, the desires of young people regarding future marriage were not taken into account. Everything was decided at the discretion of the parents.
After matchmaking, the guy and the girl were conventionally considered the bride and groom.
During this stage, it was still possible to terminate the wedding agreement. However, the party who wanted to suspend preparations for the wedding had to provide compelling reasons for such a decision in order to avoid shame.
The next step was hand cuffing. The parents agreed on the details of the engagement and discussed financial issues. The newlyweds organized a celebration at which they confirmed their status as bride and groom among their peers.
The final stage was engagement. This ceremony took place in a church in the presence of a priest and the couple's parents.
The newlyweds were supposed to exchange rings. First, the bride was given a silver one, and the groom was given a gold one. Then the rings were exchanged three times. As a result, the bride put a gold ring on her finger, and the groom kept a silver one.
The material of the rings did not differ by chance. Gold symbolized the reliability of the girl’s chosen one, silver symbolized the soft and submissive character of the bride. Nowadays, this custom is not observed, and those getting married exchange rings made of the same metal.
After the engagement, marriage was considered inevitable, because the young people announced their decision to become husband and wife before God.
Marriage did not immediately follow engagement. Usually the wedding date was set six months after the ceremony. This period served so that future spouses could prepare themselves spiritually for the most important event in their lives. Sometimes the period between these two rites was due to more practical reasons, for example, the groom's departure for military service.
Modern options
There are a lot of options for how to conduct an engagement party. Here are some of them.
A modest holiday
You can celebrate your engagement in a close family circle. This option is good because it allows you to communicate with your closest people in a cozy home atmosphere.
Such an event will not require large expenses and will provide an opportunity to have a more lavish wedding or go on a honeymoon.
Outdoors
A fun way to celebrate your engagement is to have a picnic. You can play fun outdoor games in nature - this way you don’t have to worry about anyone getting bored. In addition, an outdoor holiday will not require too much preparation. You just need to take care of the treats and come up with a few competitions.
Theme party
This option will most likely turn out to be quite expensive, since a themed party requires special costumes and special interior design. But if the financial issue does not bother the lovers, then all that remains is to decide on the theme of the celebration. Here ideas can be very different. Cowboys, pirates, the Middle Ages, Ancient Rus'... It all depends on the imagination and preferences of the future spouses.
European style
There are no strict rules in organizing such an engagement. It can be a chic social reception, a light buffet, or a modest home celebration.
Party invitations need to be sent out in advance. According to European traditions, guests give small gifts to the couple. It is also a Western custom to send thank-you cards to guests after the holiday.
Romantic evening
It is equally wonderful to celebrate this occasion by spending it alone with your significant other. You can have a romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. You can walk along the beach or fly in a hot air balloon. There are a lot of options. The main thing is to choose something that will allow you to enjoy this day and remember it for a long time.
The Russians
The betrothal ceremony in Rus' was a more significant event than the wedding itself. Since it was here that all the main issues related to the wedding, dowry and the future life of the future family were resolved.
Betrothal, hand-shaking, collusion are the obligatory stages of a traditional Russian engagement. The result of the conspiracy was a handshake and the compilation of a so-called row record, in which important points were clearly outlined. First of all, the dowry. The event was equated to the official conclusion of a contract.
Breaking an engagement was considered a disgrace. As a rule, in an agreement the amount of the penalty was agreed upon. It was paid by the party that initiates the termination. This amount was huge and placed a heavy burden on the family of the “guilty”.
Interesting! The engagement ended the period of girlhood and bachelorhood.
Traditions
- The ritual of conspiracy always took place in the bride's house . The time for such a meeting was fixed by her parents;
- After the end of the ceremony, the bride went out onto the porch, bowed and informed her friends and neighbors that she had been engaged;
- The bride's parents were required to give a dowry ; the groom was only required to give gifts for the future wife and her relatives;
- The dowry usually consisted of icons, a samovar, household utensils, bed linen, fabrics, towels, and furniture. The complete list was entered into a row entry;
- The efforts of organizing the wedding fell on the shoulders of the groom and his family..
Betrothal ceremony
During the engagement, the bride and groom exchange rings, so it is important to take care of the rings in advance.
If a couple wants to get engaged in a church, then they must first select the temple where the ceremony will be held. It is also necessary to talk with the priest, discuss with him all the details of the upcoming event. Sometimes the priest gives young people advice - then it’s worth listening to them.
In addition, nowadays, betrothal in church quite often takes place immediately before the wedding. You should take this into account and prepare everything necessary for both ceremonies.
It is impossible to get married if the newlyweds have not officially registered their marriage in the registry office.
Church engagement
Church betrothal indicates the readiness of young people to enter into marriage and bear responsibility for it before God. Therefore, for believers this ritual is of great importance.
The betrothal ceremony in the Orthodox Church is as follows:
- After the end of the liturgy, the betrothed are in the vestibule of the church, facing the altar. The newlyweds stand separately: the bride is on the right, the groom is on the left.
- The priest exits through the Royal Doors of the iconostasis, carrying the Cross and the Gospel in his hands, which are then placed on the lectern.
- The priest approaches the future spouses, blesses them, hands them two lighted candles and leads them inside the church.
- After this, incense and prayers begin.
- The priest then takes the rings from the deacon and places them on the betrothed couple's fingers.
- The bride and groom exchange them three times.
This concludes the betrothal ceremony, followed by the wedding.
Social event
Betrothal is not a mandatory ceremony. People for whom religion is not very important do not need to get engaged. Alternatively, they can organize an engagement party.
Lovers can be considered engaged if the man gives the girl a ring and proposes.
Wedding rings
Wedding rings are more than just a wedding accessory. They are a symbol of the love of spouses and personify their family happiness.
How to choose
The bride and groom exchange wedding rings at the registry office. Traditionally they are smooth, made of a single metal, usually gold. But today, couples often choose rings that are made of several types of metal or decorated with precious stones. So it all depends on the taste and financial capabilities of the lovers.
Usually the groom buys the wedding rings, but it is better to choose them together. Since this jewelry is worn throughout your life, it is important to take your choice seriously. The rings must be the correct size. The width of the finger varies slightly depending on the time of year, physical activity and other factors. It's a good idea to try on your wedding ring a few times to make sure it really fits.
An engagement ring is different from one given for an engagement.
The classic engagement ring is gold and diamond. Of course, the ring may look different. The only requirement is the presence of a precious or semi-precious stone.
An important attribute is the engagement ring
The main place during an engagement is the groom's proposal of marriage to his beloved.
At the same time, he presents a ring, which the bride accepts as a sign of consent to get married. Thus, the ring given on the day of engagement is a kind of seal that seals the obligations of the future newlyweds to remain faithful to each other and adhere to all other unwritten rules in the relationship. From now on, the engaged girl must wear it constantly.
The engagement ring has a double meaning that is almost lost in the mists of time. First of all, it is a symbol of continuity, unity and eternal love. On the other hand, such a ring was a kind of indicator of the groom’s social status and his financial capabilities.
The giving of a ring replaced the long-standing custom of paying a bride price, which took place in Old Slavic marriage rites.
According to tradition, if the engagement is terminated for any reason, this ring is returned to the groom.
Nowadays, the engagement ring is not given such global significance. It is a demonstration of the groom's serious intentions.
Therefore, when choosing such a gift, each man is guided by his own considerations about its appearance and cost.
It is important to take into account the tastes and wishes of the bride. The girl should like the ring so that she wears it and takes care of it. After all, the loss of an engagement ring is considered a very bad sign for a future union.
Traditions and rituals of different countries
Each country has its own peculiarities related to engagement.
For example, in Germany, after an engagement, young people could start living together without waiting for marriage.
In Italy, after an engagement, a young man had the right to visit his future wife and talk with her under the supervision of his parents.
In Japan, during an engagement, the bride and groom met each other for the first time.
There is an interesting tradition in Ireland: a girl can propose to her lover on February 29, and he has no right to refuse her.
Modern betrothal ceremony in Russia
Modern newlyweds believe that their engagement occurs on the day they submit an application to the registry office. It is from this date that the countdown to the best day of their life begins. As you know, the parents of the bride and groom must agree on the upcoming wedding, so engagement will come in handy here. Pre-holiday chores will turn into a real celebration and families will become at least one step closer. The groom's gift remains, as it was according to the tradition of Ancient Rus' - a precious ring with one or several diamonds. Betrothal in the modern world is a voluntary ceremony, so you can celebrate it as you wish. It should be remembered that the most important engagement is the one that takes place in the church, because this stage binds the newlyweds for life, because this step is followed by the wedding.
How long does the engagement last?
Many people wonder how long after the engagement the wedding should take place. There are no hard and fast rules on this matter. On average, between these two events passes from a month to six months. During this period, lovers will have time to experience their feelings and prepare everything necessary for the wedding celebration.
Why is engagement necessary?
“Loves - does not love”, “marries - does not marry.” Fortune telling by chamomile after an engagement becomes completely irrelevant. The fact of an official proposal to live and, in the future, grow old together can become a guarantee of the seriousness of intentions. What are the “pros” of getting engaged, according to most people?
- The first thing is to get approval from your parents. Despite the ardor of feelings, young people still want to create not only their own family, but also make friends with the relatives of the groom (bride).
- Next – status and publicity. Intentions become clearer, and “competitors” understand that their plans have lost all chance of success.
- In third place is time to get to know each other better, build relationships and establish mutual understanding.
- The fourth “plus” of the engagement was the informed decision to get married. The main thesis in favor of the usefulness of reflection is “it is better to abandon the wedding altogether than to get a divorce the next day.”
- An honorable fifth place went to... abstinence from intimate relationships before marriage. The main argument of supporters of purity and innocence: if you cannot restrain yourself before the wedding, then you will not restrain yourself after. It seems to sound good, but what is meant is not marital passion, but a tendency to cheat for the reason “I couldn’t (or couldn’t) resist.”
