According to ancient tradition, after the wedding, a woman goes to her husband’s family and takes his surname. According to the current laws of the Russian Federation, women are not required to change their last name after registering a marriage and can even choose to keep their maiden name or take a double one, combining their own and their husband’s last name.
In the article we will consider the issue of changing a surname upon marriage, what is important for newlyweds to know about the possibilities of choosing it, taking a common surname or staying with their own, the nuances of getting a double surname.
Why did such a tradition appear?
Traditions do not arise out of nowhere. They usually have logical, practical explanations.
In general, the surnames themselves appeared in Rus' quite late - around the 13th century. It is believed that they were first documented when listing the inhabitants of Veliky Novgorod who died in the Battle of the Neva. The process of “familization” continued until the beginning of the 20th century. And if for the nobility the family name was fundamental and important, then simpler people made good use of nicknames, patronymics and other methods of identification.
Most of the current surnames are family nicknames, that is, they demonstrated belonging to a certain clan. Upon marriage, a woman broke away from one community and joined another. It is no coincidence that wedding rites are so similar to funeral ones: a girl “dies” in her family and is reborn in another. Therefore, they washed her in the bathhouse and mourned her, and her husband carried her over the threshold in his arms, so that the spirit of his house would not think that she was a stranger. The girl supposedly appears there as a baby in labor, literally out of nowhere.
There was no fixation on the husband’s last name; no one entered it into any document. It’s just that all people who belonged to the same clan were identified by some kind of nickname. Individual personal data was not so important, because no one assigned you to a clinic or issued a visa. Many humble men got along without surnames, let alone women - they have no need for it in conditions of complete lack of rights.
There are other explanations. After all, the tradition exists not only in Russia:
- Religious. In the Gospel of Matthew it is written: “And he said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” One surname symbolizes spiritual unity.
- Mercantile. Married women could not own property. All their property went to their husbands. One surname symbolizes legal unity.
- Overbearing. Since a woman has no rights, where would she go without her owner? First, this function was performed by the father, then by the husband.
Why is it not necessary to observe this tradition in the 21st century?
If earlier the custom had practical benefits, now it has turned into just a ritual.
The person is important, not his family
Community membership plays a role mainly in corruption schemes. If you have a fairly big name, the traffic police inspector will turn a blind eye to violations, and the teacher will give “excellent” instead of “fail.” Your ancestry is only important when immigrating to Israel and when compiling your family tree.
A family in the generally accepted sense is no longer a clan, but a union of two equal people. Accordingly, the issue of surnames depends on how they agree among themselves. The Family Code, as we have already found out, provides them with a lot of options.
Last name matters
Not as a generic name, but as your personal identifier. It accompanies you from birth, is listed in your documents, and helps you understand that we are talking about you. Changing your last name can easily cause problems and reset your status in certain circles. For example, everyone may know the cool specialist Maria Igorevna Ivanova and talk about her on the sidelines. Masha Petrova will have to make a lot of efforts to become Maria Igorevna again. It may take time to build a personal brand after changing your last name Last name and career: how are they connected? up to a year.
And here's what foreign studies say: What's in a name?: 361.708 Euros… The effects of marital name change. When a woman takes her partner's last name, she is perceived as more caring and emotional, but less intelligent and competent, compared to the woman who left hers. Upon employment, she will be offered on average 861.21 euros per month less.
It’s not supposed to be like that “by nature”
If one can still argue about gender purpose (but there is no need), then surnames are obviously a social construct. Moreover, somewhere it is generally not accepted for a woman to change her. They do without this in Spanish-speaking countries, Italy, Korea, and China. And in England, where tradition is no less strong than in Russia, back in the Middle Ages, men happily took their wives’ surnames if they were from richer and more prestigious families.
Nobody belongs to anyone
A common argument is that a man takes responsibility for a woman, so she should take his last name. But this again is just a ritual, and a very patriarchal one at that. You can take responsibility for someone who is not fully capable, for example, for a child, as required by the law of the RF IC Article 63. Rights and responsibilities of parents in the upbringing and education of children. A woman is a full member of society.
Marriages with the same last name are no stronger
There is no evidence to support this. Otherwise, in a country where it is traditional to change a surname, the number of marriages would not have increased by 917 thousand marriages per year. In Russia, the number of marriages would have increased and the number of divorces would have decreased by 528 thousand divorces. It seems that the secret of happiness lies in something else.
Marriages based on partnership turn out to be much stronger. For example, divorces are less common CCF PRESS ADVISORY: It Got Better! Data show gender revolution's benefits to families in couples where household responsibilities are divided equally.
By the way, if a man continues to think that a family should have one last name, why does it have to be his last name? The law, as we have already found out, provides options.
Marriage is no more profitable for women than for men
Another common argument: a man doesn’t need marriage, for him it’s a compromise. So you too make concessions and change your last name.
However, studies show Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert, that women without husbands and children live longer and feel happier than their ringed “colleagues.” At the same time, married men not only live Marriage and men's health longer and feel better, but also fight serious illnesses more successfully - apparently, thanks to the care of their spouses.
Other advantages also turn out to be dubious:
- Alimony? On average, they amount to the Russian Monitoring of the Economic Situation and Health of the Population of the National Research University Higher School of Economics 7.5 thousand rubles. It would have been possible to spend this amount of money with a child only in 1970.
- Property division? In any case, premarital property remains with each spouse. What is acquired in marriage is shared; in one way or another, both have invested resources.
How to talk about changing your last name
No one is required to change their last name. But if people in a couple are determined to take such a step, then this can be an excellent solution. As well as doing without changing your passport. To avoid unnecessary hassle, it is worth clarifying this point.
In advance
By default, future spouses may have different thoughts on this matter. If this becomes clear when filling out the marriage registration application, the reaction on both sides may be excessive. Therefore, it is better to discuss this issue even before you decide to get married. Firstly, it’s more honest than later manipulating your partner by threatening to cancel the ceremony. Secondly, if the issue of last name is really that important to you, you can end the relationship at an early stage and find someone with a similar worldview.
With a cool head
The very movement towards marriage is stressful, even if you are very happy. Emotions are overwhelming, and it’s not always easy to understand and structure them, even for yourself. And this must be done in order to conduct a constructive dialogue.
Often, irrational fears can be transformed into something simple and understandable. You may be surprised at what truly motivates you. For example, you are a guy and your fiancee does not want to change her last name. You give out the usual (and toxic) arguments: “I want you to belong to me entirely,” “I take responsibility for you,” “If the last names are different, this is not a family.” But in reality, you’re worried: what if she doesn’t take her last name because she doesn’t love you enough? But love is not proven by how much a person is ready to bend for you.
Or are you worried about what people will say. If a wife keeps her last name in marriage, this poses new challenges for her husband. Research What's in a name? How Taking a Spouse's Surname can define power in marriage shows that people with high levels of hostile sexism react negatively to gender role violations. And it goes to both spouses. Husbands who “allow” their wives to keep their last names are perceived as less powerful and dominant. And to resist society, you need stronger balls than to force the bride to make changes to her passport details.
But there is also good news Russian family. Traditional ideas about the husband as the head of the family and the need to change the surname are characteristic mainly of rural residents, people with a low level of education and the elderly. So there is a chance that your environment will not judge you.
The situation is similar with girls. If you formalize your fears and talk them out, perhaps the situation will cease to frighten you and the bride will happily accept her new surname.
Willing to compromise
Both parties should at least be willing to listen and understand each other. If you can't do this, the problem is not the last name. Both sides deserve respect and careful attention to their position. Try not to become irreconcilable enemies who are looking for a way to force your opponent to lay down his banners. Sum up all the arguments and decide together who is easier and more painless to renounce their claims.
Is it worth changing or not: pros and cons
A woman’s change of data is traditionally perceived as the wife’s entry into her husband’s family. Initially, it was accepted that the husband brought his wife into his home, and not vice versa.
However, in modern families that live separately from relatives, this tradition no longer plays a special role, although it probably still lives on subconsciously. It must be taken into account that in a marriage a woman will definitely give birth to children who will be recorded under her husband’s last name, and it will be much more convenient if the mother and children have the same last name.
A woman’s reluctance usually no longer plays a role in the relationship of a couple in love and is not perceived as an insult or a woman’s desire to show her self-sufficiency. Most couples take this issue calmly.
The only point is that this may cause some bewilderment among older relatives - the husband's parents, who may be perplexed about this, but, as a rule, this conflict rarely spreads, because, as mentioned above, young couples for the most part live separately and They try not to depend on their parents.
As for documents, a woman’s desire to leave her last name can save her from unnecessary hassle associated with re-issuing a passport, insurance, rights, making changes to the work book and other documents.
Where to contact?
To change your last name, you must contact the registry office at your place of registration. As a rule, this is easy to do if there are no children together yet.
If you already have children, you will simply have to collect more documents, and the procedure will be more expensive. You can submit an application to the MFC - there the change of name will take longer, because all collected documents and applications will be sent to the registry office.
Why do women change their last names?
The good thing about having a choice is that the decision cannot be wrong. If, of course, it is accepted without pressure, voluntarily. Women decide to take this step for various reasons.
Because I like my husband's last name
Or you don’t like yours. You can change your passport data without any defects. But marriage is a legal way to do this and not offend your relatives.
I changed my last name in my first marriage because I didn’t like my maiden name. I didn’t change it in my second marriage: I like the way the current one sounds. Plus, the eldest daughter bears her father’s surname, and the youngest daughter bears hers. Therefore, it is very convenient when traveling: my eldest daughter and I go to the customs officer, the youngest daughter goes with her dad. And no one has any questions whose child it is.
Olga
My maiden name is one of the four most popular, so I was relieved to change it to a less obvious one.
Pauline
I wanted to get rid of the girl’s one: it was bulky and seemed alien. My husband didn't care. Changing papers is a chore, of course, but I’m happy with the result. My husband’s last name became the brand of the family that I didn’t have as a child and which we finally got.
Elena
Because my husband asked
Not for every woman the issue of changing her last name is so important. Sometimes the husband's wishes are enough.
I changed. My husband initially asked for this. His argument: we are a family, a family should have one last name. It seems to me that there is something in this. At the same time, in all social networks I have my maiden name, and this also does not matter to anyone.
Daria
I changed my last name at the insistence of my husband. I didn’t like my girl’s any more than I liked his. Therefore, it was not important for me, but it was important for him, that I bear his last name. Now I’m going through a divorce, but I won’t change my last name back. Fussing with documents, and after 23 years I’ve already gotten used to this. Although, when I call friends from my youth, I introduce myself as a girl, and many people only know me by that.
Marina
Because they follow traditions
It happens that everything turns out well and two people with the same worldview get married. In the end, we all develop in society and many are not in the mood to unbend their spiritual bonds.
I changed it and am very happy about it. My own irritation: I’ve been called by my last name all my life. My husband and I have not discussed this point, but I think it is important for him. Plus tradition: I didn’t even admit that it was possible not to do this. I read it myself and think: I didn’t even have a choice?
Natalia
Because they can
Yes, this is a completely sufficient argument.
My husband did not insist, but said that he would be pleased if I took his last name. I changed it with pleasure, the new name is a little new me. And it’s much easier with a local surname in Finland: you don’t have to explain ten times how to spell it, and you don’t have to indicate two surnames on the door and mailbox.
Irina
I changed it just because I can. My husband didn't care. And I was wondering what it would feel like to change something as basic as your last name. So it was more of an experiment.
Nina
Is it possible to change your last name a year after marriage?
Another popular question that worries many newlyweds. We will not delve into the possible reasons for this decision. And we won’t go around in circles either.
- A spouse can change their surname after a year, two or five years of marriage! Yes, even in ten years – that’s your right.
- If we talk about the procedure, it is not much different from the one that is carried out immediately after marriage. An application is also written, which is considered for about a month (perhaps a slightly longer period). More precisely, in a month or two you will receive a new passport.
- In all other organizations that were indicated above, they should also then be replaced with a new surname.
- The spouses are issued a new marriage certificate, which they should contact their (at their place of registration) migration service.
Why don't women change their last names?
There are both rational and emotional reasons.
Red tape with documents
MFC and State Services have significantly simplified the replacement of documents, but you still have to spend a lot of your time (and nerves, we are talking about government agencies) to complete the process. It's always easier to do nothing.
The passport was made before the wedding. That's why I didn't change my last name. The registration was informal, and somehow it didn’t matter. Then a mortgage appeared and a bunch of other paperwork. There was an idea to change the last name on the tenth wedding anniversary, but somehow there was no time for that.
Maria
I left it as a girl. The amount of paperwork that needs to be changed after a last name change scares me. The number of organizations to visit is the same. And in general, I don’t understand why the last name should be changed. This point in the psychology of marriage passed me by. But it’s unlikely that I would marry a man who would demand that I take his last name. For me, this would be akin to moral terrorism: even the law allows you to leave yours, but your husband doesn’t?
Maria
Surname recognition
Let's say your passport and driver's license can be changed. But there are still many places where this cannot be done.
My last name is a brand: three academic degrees and publications. Moreover, I have a rather rare last name (which is good for the brand), but my husband does not. He didn't insist. He's Korean, and Korean women don't take their husband's last name.
Ksenia
Established self-identification
The average age of marriage is growing. Marriages and divorces in the Russian Federation. Over the many years of life before marriage, a person gets used to his surname, as well as his first name. Some people painlessly change both the first and second. For others, it's like giving up a part of themselves. The consequences can be quite devastating.
My husband really wanted me to take his last name. I thought: is it difficult for me, or what? But it turned out to be difficult. After I agreed, I literally felt sick every day and I understood: I couldn’t do it. My parents are namesakes. So my immediate family all have the same last name, and I like it. It was like sawing off a hand - some kind of unreasonable sacrifice.
Natalia
The cacophony of the husband's surname
In order not to offend anyone, we will do without examples. But not every surname is a gift of fate.
Not understanding why to do this
If you are happy with your last name, but do not care about traditions, it is difficult to explain to yourself why you are starting all this.
I didn’t change it and I don’t understand why I should do it. Well, except for those cases when you are Urodova, and he is Rumyantsev-Zadunaisky. Or you hate your father and want nothing to do with him. But in both situations, you can change your last name without marriage, and to any name. My arguments: why? My husband doesn’t call me by my last name, so the argument “he’s pleased” is irrelevant. And more fuss with documents.
Oksana
I didn't change it. My husband's ex didn't get his girlfriend back. And I laughed it off and said: “He’ll return it, then I’ll change it.” But in reality, of course, this will not happen. I would take a super beautiful surname, but I don’t see the point in changing one ordinary one to another.
Natalia
Are the changes related only to the wedding?
You can change or return your previous personal data not only when a marriage is registered or dissolved. Even without a divorce, each spouse has the right to return their previous surname - or, if the change was not made on the basis of marriage, still take a common or double one. This can be done at any time in accordance with the general procedure established by law.
USEFUL INFORMATION: What documents are needed at the registry office to register a marriage: submitting an application
The decision to take a new or return an old surname is made on the basis of a personal application from a citizen. To do this, you must submit an application to the nearest registry office. After the application has been recorded and changes have been made to the Civil Registry Book accordingly, you can change your passport.
What to remember
- It is not necessary to change your last name - that’s what the law says.
- If desired, the family can take the surname of the groom, the bride, or a double one.
- Not changing your last name is always easier than changing it.
- Updating documents and getting used to a new surname is not so difficult if you decide to do it yourself. If the choice is voluntary, it is always good.
- In a relationship, it is not the last name that is important, but respect and the ability to hear each other. If you manipulate and set ultimatums to each other even before the wedding, this is not a very good sign.
What do you think about changing your last name? How are things going in your family? Share in the comments.
Contacting the MFC
Contacting the MFC is a simple and quick way to officially change your last name. To make changes to your passport using the MFC, you need to follow this algorithm:
- Collect all necessary documents.
- Take the package of papers to the MFC branch, write a statement there indicating a request to change personal data.
- Provide the permission received from the registry office to change the surname.
- Get a changed passport.
The list of documents for applying to the multifunctional center is similar to the list specified in the “Documents” section, with the exception of the number of photographs. You will be required to provide not 2, but 4 photos of 35x45 mm format.
USEFUL INFORMATION: Restoring a missed deadline for accepting an inheritance
To change the surname of a child who does not yet have a passport, at the initiative of the mother or father, permission from the guardianship and trusteeship authority must be attached to the documents.
