What is it for?
An engagement is a way of announcing your intention to get married. Traditionally, such an action was mandatory.
The ritual made it clear that young people were ready to tie the knot. These days, engagement often loses its romantic overtones.
Many perceive the period from the moment of submitting an application to the registry office until the wedding as an opportunity to think and check feelings, as a time of preparation for the main celebration: choosing a banquet venue, drawing up an entertainment program and purchasing the necessary attributes. Important! Usually the day of application is considered the day of engagement.
In the modern world, it is absolutely not necessary to organize a magnificent celebration on this day .
And if the decision is made to celebrate, then only the future newlyweds and their parents often participate in the engagement. In this case, the engagement often turns into a discussion meeting at which the details of the wedding, financial issues related to it, the honeymoon, and the conditions of future married life are discussed.
How an engagement is done: tradition
The roots of this ritual go back to Ancient Egypt. This is where the belief came from that wedding rings should be worn on the ring finger, through which there passes an artery leading directly to the heart.
Among the ancient Romans, before the wedding, the future husband was obliged to present the bride's parents with a metal ring as a gift. It is a symbol of the promise to support his wife and children.
Since about the 15th century, according to tradition, the groom must give the bride a ring, always made of gold and preferably with a diamond. This stone was endowed with magical properties. He had to protect the young family and their feelings. Essentially, an engagement is a ceremony to unite a couple. The newlyweds make a promise to each other to get married. If we really follow traditions, then the future husband must ask the hand of his chosen one from her parents. Usually the wedding takes place about six months after the decision to get married, but sometimes more time passes. It all depends on what kind of wedding is planned and how long the preparation will take.
Despite the officiality of this event, there are no guarantees that there will be a wedding. The engagement can be broken at any time at the request of either party.
In Western countries this custom has been preserved to this day. Moreover, usually a young couple decides to get married themselves, and only then announces it. In the most traditional families, where they know how to conduct an engagement correctly, the groom asks the parents of his beloved for her hand in marriage. They agree on everything, and then arrange a magnificent banquet, invite all friends and relatives, without naming the reason for the celebration, and arrange a surprise, announcing the decision made.
The Russians
The betrothal ceremony in Rus' was a more significant event than the wedding itself. Since it was here that all the main issues related to the wedding, dowry and the future life of the future family were resolved.
Betrothal, hand-shaking, collusion are the obligatory stages of a traditional Russian engagement. The result of the conspiracy was a handshake and the compilation of a so-called row record, in which important points were clearly outlined. First of all, the dowry. The event was equated to the official conclusion of a contract.
Breaking an engagement was considered a disgrace. As a rule, in an agreement the amount of the penalty was agreed upon. It was paid by the party that initiates the termination. This amount was huge and placed a heavy burden on the family of the “guilty”.
Interesting! The engagement ended the period of girlhood and bachelorhood.
Traditions
- The ritual of conspiracy always took place in the bride's house . The time for such a meeting was fixed by her parents;
- After the end of the ceremony, the bride went out onto the porch, bowed and informed her friends and neighbors that she had been engaged;
- The bride's parents were required to give a dowry ; the groom was only required to give gifts for the future wife and her relatives;
- The dowry usually consisted of icons, a samovar, household utensils, bed linen, fabrics, towels, and furniture. The complete list was entered into a row entry;
- The efforts of organizing the wedding fell on the shoulders of the groom and his family..
Today
Engagement these days is an opportunity for the groom to impress the bride's family. Relatives do not always approve of marriage proposals, so it is very important for the future groom to think through all the nuances.
In order not to lose face, it is advisable to:
- do not come to the bride’s house empty-handed : present gifts to the bride and future mother-in-law, and for the future father-in-law choose a bottle of good cognac;
- agree on a time and place in advance : it is better to give the family time to prepare, because not everyone is ready for unexpected and such serious changes in life;
- Be moderately practical and think about the key terms of the marriage (you may have to negotiate a prenuptial agreement).
How do engagements usually take place? As a rule, the bride's parents set the table, and such a celebration takes place in a narrow family circle. After the engagement, the young people are officially considered the bride and groom.
Important! You should not give jewelry, cheap alcohol, or obviously skimp on gifts.
It is better to choose small but good quality ones.
Betrothal and engagement: how the celebration takes place, differences
Now many consider these concepts to be synonymous. We decided to get married, the groom gave us a ring - and there you have it, engagement and betrothal. But there is still some difference.
Engagement from the word “to say a word.” This means that the two young people are now called the bride and groom. There are many options for organizing an engagement: agree among yourself, give each other the floor, or meet with parents and friends.
Engagement implies the presence of a ring either by the future wife or by both young people. According to Christian customs, the betrothal takes place in a church. Believers attach great importance to this ritual; for them, the betrothal cannot be broken. If two people exchange rings in church and vow to become husband and wife, then so be it.
If this ceremony did not take place, but the spouses want to get married, the engagement in an abbreviated form takes place before entering the church.
For non-religious people, these two events really do not make a difference. Whether it’s a ring or not, you can still change your mind before the wedding and cancel everything.
How to do it?
In modern society, there are no strict rules for engagement. Usually families organize a celebration of their own choosing. The financial capabilities, tastes and preferences of the future spouses play a decisive role. In most cases, on the day of engagement, the groom gives the bride a ring - this is considered a tradition.
An engagement can be either a major celebration or a simple tea party in a small circle. Sometimes young people prefer to have an engagement party in private. If there is a celebration at which guests are present, then the father of the bride, according to tradition, will tell those gathered the news about the upcoming wedding.
Interesting! In the USA and some other countries, a marriage contract is signed during the engagement. And in Germany, from this day on, a guy and a girl can live together.
At all times, engagement has been an opportunity for families not only to get to know each other, but also to evaluate each other's well-being.
Useful tips
Ring
Important! You should definitely give the future bride a ring (preferably gold with a precious stone). This is both a sign of attention, and a guarantee of her consent, and another reason to please your girlfriend.
To be sure that you will like the gift, you can ask the bride’s mother for advice or ask her to help choose a ring.
Surprise
The element of surprise can only be used in relation to the bride. Everyone else, especially the parents of future newlyweds, should be informed. This will help avoid unpleasant surprises, because engagement requires the blessing of the parents and their consent.
Planning
If you are planning a party, you need to plan it in advance. We'll have to decide:
- who will be present;
- how many people to invite;
- in what format the celebration will take place;
- what costs will you have to bear;
- Are there any thank you notes or small gifts for guests?
Advice! It is better to invite only those guests to the engagement party that you want to see at the wedding. This can avoid hurt feelings and awkward situations.
A few more recommendations:
- If there are a lot of people, you should consider inviting a presenter ;
- To ensure that the party is at the highest level, take care of photographs and video recording ;
- If the format allows, be sure to include competitions and entertainment for guests in the holiday program. They shouldn't be bored;
- If funds allow, it is better to use the services of a special agency for organizing celebrations. This will save you a lot of hassle. And it will make you feel like you are the owner of the holiday.
The right time
It is very good to make marriage proposals on holidays : March 8, Valentine's Day, New Year, Christmas. As a rule, these events are colored with positive emotions, and the chances of being rejected are much less.
Advice! You should remember or find out what your loved one likes and doesn’t like, so as not to create an awkward situation.
Under no circumstances should you make an offer casually. There should be no casual tone. This is a sign of disrespect!
What should an engagement ring be like?
In Russia, the custom of giving an engagement ring appeared relatively recently. Not all brides receive this decoration. Often grooms don’t bother searching for information on this topic and give any beautiful ring they can find. This cannot be called a mistake, because a girl will appreciate any gift from her beloved, especially if it is accompanied by a marriage proposal. However, you need to remember that the engagement ring has a stone. Maybe not with a diamond, but it should be different from an engagement ring. Giving the bride a smooth wedding ring and then putting it on at the registry office is wrong.
Very often, couples are interested in which finger they put the engagement ring on. In the West they are worn on the left hand on the ring finger. But it is still customary for us to put the ring on the right hand, since it is on it that the engagement ring will later be worn. The bride can wear two rings at the same time if it is convenient for her. Then they should not only be different, but also combined, that is, be from the same type of gold.
Of course, the groom's budget is also taken into account. If a grand wedding is planned, it will be difficult for him to also buy expensive diamond jewelry. But every bride will understand the choice of a gift for her future spouse, whatever it may be. If you have any doubts about what the engagement ring should be, you can consult with your chosen one's mother or friend. She will help with advice or even take the groom to a jewelry store.
Due to the lack of any rules, our Russian grooms come up with their own versions of marriage proposals. Some people buy wedding rings and wear them on their left hand before the wedding in order to change them to their right hand at the registry office, others simply buy a ring made of any metal with any stone, and sometimes for any finger that suits them best. All this happens because for a long time it was not customary for us to give something at the time of the proposal. The main thing is that the bride is happy and the groom receives a positive response.
