Marital debts
Often a couple is faced with the fact that sex becomes something obligatory. The couple begins to follow the principle “Appetite comes with eating.” This happens due to the fading of the former passion. This is a completely normal phenomenon, because spouses solve many problems in which sex is quite far away.
A desire that arises periodically cannot always be realized. And the spouses begin to look for a way out of the situation. As a rule, sexual life is subject to a regime within the family. Classic version: the work week is coming to an end. Friday evening is quite sluggish, everyone is tired and just dreaming of getting to bed. All the action heats up on Saturday morning. This is how “Saturday sex” gradually comes into the couple’s life.
It becomes something obligatory, something wildly familiar and ordinary, like brushing your teeth. The worst thing is that the spouses begin to take this completely calmly. Well, what can you do if Saturday morning is the only time when you can indulge in sweet pleasures. It’s just that romance is practically non-existent here. We woke up, shook our heads and went on to do things further. No pink snot. Sex takes on shades of efficiency and concentration, that is, it becomes a real marital duty.
There is another situation under which the concept of “marital duty” falls. This is a difference in temperament. It’s a difficult moment if the spouses cannot agree. In general, few people pay attention to such a thing. But it is very common in families. Let us assume that the spouse does not fulfill her marital duty often due to lack of desire. Once a week is enough for her, or even less. A decrease in libido occurs due to many factors and often makes a person simply asexual. This is not a disease, this is not frigidity.
It's just such an organism. But the husband, even at 40 years old, retains the capabilities and needs of a 20-year-old boy. He needs it all the time. Why complicate life for yourself and your husband when you can have sex calmly and without languishing in your chest. Yes, it’s nice, yes, orgasm happens, it’s rare, but it happens, and it’s not difficult. And then sex for the wife becomes the notorious “marital duty.” In principle, no one is offended and everyone is happy.
What law governs family relations? This is the Family Code
Relationships in the family sphere imply divorce disputes, property and non-property rights between family members, relations between parents and children, etc. There are many laws regulating them in Russia, since family relationships are a very important and extensive legal institution from the point of view of the formation of correct society and the rule of law. But the most important legislative act is the Family Code.
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A large chapter in the second section is devoted to divorce. And this is quite logical, because the dissolution of a marriage gives rise to new consequences and can occur in different ways. If there are no disputes between the spouses, they can file for divorce simply by submitting an application to the registry office. But if they have a misunderstanding when dividing property, or there are minor children in the care of which parent the divorcing parents have not yet decided to leave them in, then such disagreements can only be resolved through the court. The court also considers issues of termination of marriage due to the recognition of one of the spouses as incompetent, dead or missing.
Sex as a working moment2
Sex can easily become work. This happens most often when a couple, for some natural reason, cannot conceive a child. Then sex is strictly planned. What pleasure is there if your wife has started ovulating? The husband, abandoning everything, rushes to inseminate his wife. There is no time for romance at such a moment. He busily did his job and rushed off over the horizon to resolve financial matters. The danger of this situation is that the habit of businesslike behavior remains, which gradually displaces romance.
Sex can be a means of blackmail. This is also a working moment. Ladies often resort to this. They love to send their spouse to a cot and deny access to the body for the slightest mistakes. Then the husband begins to work off the offense. Not only does it bring everything that the capricious beast wants on a silver platter, but the sex should not only be of high quality, but downright transcendental. Otherwise there will be no forgiveness.
Women also sin with sex work. When you want to get some trinket, a woman starts earning it. If in normal times the spouse does not show off special somersaults in bed, then in the process of earning money, she is capable of putting on whole shows. There are role-playing games, all sorts of gadgets, and toys. That's the only way a witcher works. While the hubby is quietly freaking out over yet another trick, the wife is striking a hot iron: “Dear, my phone is dead, I’ve already got my eye on the model, please buy it!” The exhausted husband, weakly resisting, finally breaks down and gives consent. As soon as the treasured box is in the tenacious paws of the wife, the good stuff ends. But exactly until the next “I want.” This is how the spouse lives in illusion.
In general, working sex can only be for conceiving an heir, which has already been mentioned. Everything else is banal everyday prostitution. That's what it's called. And it doesn’t matter if it’s for the sake of a fur coat or a test at university. Payment does not necessarily depend on money. There is an equivalent, which means there is a cost. It's just different for everyone.
There is sex work called prostitution. This is the real income. The reasons why people go into prostitution are varied. There is no need to go into detail about why they do this. This is their exclusive right. But, we have to agree that without prostitution there is nowhere. This profession will always be in demand. After all, with its help, many people solve their sexual problems. You can even give a touch of nobility to this activity.
For example, a disabled man. Of course, he does not have a wife or permanent partner. But sex is a natural need of the body. You won’t be full with just one hand and everyone wants the warmth of a living body. How can such a person solve his problem? Right! Call the woman who provides this service. For her, this is just a job, and accordingly she won’t turn up her nose. It will bring pleasure, perhaps maintain a heart-to-heart conversation and go home. She has money, he has satisfaction.
Saint John Chrysostom on the fulfillment of marital duty
“The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife like unto her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). What does “due favor” mean? The wife has no power over her body, but is both a slave and at the same time the mistress of her husband.
If you shirk your due service, you offend God ; if you want to evade, then only with the permission of your husband, even if it’s for a short time. That is why he calls this matter necessary, in order to show that none (of the spouses) has power over themselves, but are slaves of each other. So, when you see that a harlot is tempting you, you say: my body does not belong to me, but to the wife. Let the wife say the same to those who try to violate her chastity: my body does not belong to me, but to my husband. If neither the husband nor the wife has power over their body, then much less over their property. Listen, you who have husbands and you who have wives: if you should not consider your bodies to be yours, much less your property. True, in some places of both the Old and New Testaments great advantage is given to the husband; this is what it says: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3:16); and Paul in one letter makes the following distinction (between spouses): “husbands, love your wives... and let the wife fear her husband” (Eph. 5:25, 33); but here (attributed to both) the same power, no more, no less . Why? Because he is talking about chastity. In other respects, he says, let the husband have the advantage, but in chastity - no, neither “the husband has power over his body” nor the wife (1 Cor. 7:4). Great equality of honor and no advantage.
“Do not depart from one another except by consent” (1 Cor. 7:5). What does it mean? The wife should not, he says, abstain against the will of her husband, and the husband (should not abstain) against the will of his wife. Why? Because great evil ; This often resulted in adultery, fornication and domestic disorder. After all, if others, having their own wives, indulge in adultery, then much more (will they indulge in it) when they are deprived of this consolation. Well said: do not deprive yourself; what I called here deprivation, I called above duty, to show how great their mutual dependence is: to abstain to one against the will of the other means to deprive, but by will - not. Thus, if you take something from me with my consent, it will not be a deprivation for me; he who takes against his will and by force deprives. Many wives do this, committing a great sin against justice and thereby giving their husbands a reason for debauchery and leading everything into disorder. Unanimity should be preferred to everything; it is most important. If you want, we can prove it with experience. Let there be a wife and a husband, and let the wife abstain, while the husband does not want it. What will happen? Will he not then indulge in adultery, or, if he does not commit adultery, will he not grieve, worry, get angry, quarrel and cause his wife a lot of trouble? What is the use of fasting and abstinence when love is violated? No. How much grief will inevitably arise from this, how much trouble, how much discord!
If a husband and wife do not agree with each other in the house, then their house is no better than a ship tossed by waves, on which the helmsman does not agree with the helmsman. That is why (the apostle) says: “Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a time, to exercise in fasting and prayer.” Here he means prayer performed with special care, because if he forbade those who copulate to pray, then where would the time for unceasing prayer come from? Therefore, it is possible to copulate and pray with your wife; but with abstinence, prayer is more perfect. He didn’t just say: pray, but: abide, because the (marriage) matter only distracts from this, and does not produce defilement . “And then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you.” So that you do not think that this is a law, it also adds a reason. Which one? “So that Satan does not tempt you.” And so that you know that it is not the devil who is the only perpetrator of adultery, he adds: “through your intemperance.”
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In view of the fact that many abstain and have pure and chaste wives, moreover, they abstain beyond what is due , so that abstinence becomes a pretext for adultery, in view of this he (Apostle Paul - Editor of the Right Blog) says: let everyone use his wife. And he is not ashamed, but enters and sits on the bed day and night, embraces husband and wife, and unites them to each other, and loudly cries out: “Do not turn away from each other except by consent” (1 Cor. 7:5). Do you observe abstinence and do not want to sleep with your husband, and he does not take advantage of you? Then he leaves home and sins, and in the end his sin is caused by your abstinence. Let him sleep with you better than with a harlot. Cohabitation with you is not prohibited, but cohabitation with a harlot is prohibited. If he sleeps with you, there is no guilt; if with a harlot, then you have destroyed your own body. So, [the apostle] sits down almost on the marriage bed and cries out: “Do not deviate from each other, except by consent.” That's why you [wife] have a husband, and that's why you [husband] have a wife, to maintain chastity. Do you want to have abstinence? Convince your husband of this, so that there are two crowns - chastity and harmony, but so that there is no chastity and battle, so that there is no peace and war. After all, if you abstain, and your husband is inflamed with passion, and yet adultery is forbidden by the apostle, then he must endure storm and excitement. But “do not deviate from each other except by consent.” And, of course, where there is peace, there are all blessings; where there is peace, there chastity shines; where there is agreement, there abstinence is crowned; and where there is war, chastity is undermined. But do not deviate from each other, except by consent. Every steward of marriage is surpassed by Paul, the steward of the universe. Therefore, he is not ashamed to say: “Let marriage be honorable in all and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4). After all, its Lord Himself came to the wedding, giving honor to the marriage with His presence, and even brought gifts, turning water into wine. So, strive [in abstinence] as much as you want; But when you become weak, take advantage of [marriage] fellowship, so that Satan does not tempt you. Here are three ways of life: virginity, marriage, fornication. Marriage is in the middle, fornication is below, virginity is above.
Virginity is crowned, marriage is commended in proportion, fornication is condemned and punished. So, observe moderation in your abstinence, depending on how much you can curb the weakness of your flesh. Do not strive to exceed this measure, lest you fall below any measure. Just as someone who wants to dive goes as far into the water as he can go, but when he enters, he looks at how far he will have to return, so be chaste as much as you can bear, so as not to fall beyond measure.
Sources: St. John Chrysostom. Discourses on the First Epistle to the Corinthians and Symphony on Creations.
Abyss of Pleasure 3
The true purpose of sex, if you do not take into account the process of reproduction, is to express your attitude towards your partner. The nakedness of bodies is comparable to the nakedness of souls. A naked person is defenseless and fragile from any side. This is a manifestation of maximum trust in your partner.
Love cannot be touched, but it can be wrapped in tactility. Hands, lips, all this can transmit signals of love fluids. This is why the concepts of “having sex” and “making love” are so different. Having sex is doing work, making love is conveying to a person your attitude towards him. Hence the difference in sensations.
Work is work. It brings nothing but fatigue. No, there is, of course, satisfaction with the results of what has been done, but there is no real pleasure. The same cannot be said about love. In this case, the desire is mutual, it is not subject to external factors, it erases the boundaries of time and space. When a person makes love, there is no concept of quality sex. Everything happens by itself and plunges you into the abyss of pleasure and eternity.
Every person has this experience. It cannot be said that someone had only mechanical sex. It is enough to remember your first relationship to understand what we are talking about. That’s when they say, “We just fucked and ran away.”
The color sex takes depends on both partners. You cannot condemn long-term couples for marital debt, you cannot condemn women for prostitution, you cannot try to carry passion through the years. As it goes, so be it. Only one thing is important: no matter what the sex is, you need to have respect for the one who undressed and showed his essence.
Is it possible to forgive betrayal? And is it necessary?
Well, yes, probably, in old age, when impotence is already setting in, and whether you like it or not, but there is no sex, you shouldn’t get a divorce because of this? But all the same, loving people probably strive to hug there, somehow tenderly touch each other? It’s so natural between loving M and F to physically feel this love.
I earn more than my husband. do I need it?
Yes, you can live without sex in a marriage - if the husband either doesn’t have it, or he cheats on his wife, and she turns a blind eye to it. But if the husband’s standing is normal and he doesn’t want to go to the left, then the wife is obliged to give it to him. Regardless of whether he wants to or not. Refusal is acceptable only in case of health problems, medical contraindications, or during menstruation (if this is unacceptable for the husband - but in this case, in an amicable way, the wife should satisfy orally on these days), or sometimes as an exception for other important reasons (for example, urgent matters that generally cannot be abruptly abandoned, in this case the wife can say - not now, later, but later she should still give as soon as she finishes things, usually even no postponements to another time are extremely undesirable and the wife should give immediately, as the husband wants). This is the norm. Otherwise, if you don’t like it, then either break up with your husband, or don’t be surprised if he turns on you.
When your spouse knows that you rely on him, he will do everything possible not to let you down. He will be able to earn money, build a career and pay attention to his beloved children and wife. Raising the authority of the husband is also the responsibility of the wife in the family.
Marital responsibilities from a moral point of view are not fixed anywhere and are in fact informal, but in family life the fulfillment of these responsibilities is the norm for both spouses, as a matter of course.
Family debt
Family members should not forget about certain moral requirements, which are called family duty. Everyone should accept these requirements as personal rules and be based on them when building family relationships.
Thus, the duty of parents to society is to take care of the child and create decent living conditions. The duty of parents to their own children is to take care of them, raise them correctly, develop them, teach them, and provide them with the necessary things. The duty of adult children to their parents is to take care of their health and well-being, to help financially and physically, and to support them in difficult situations.
