The best part of your wedding can begin right when all the guests go home and you finally take off your gorgeous dress and suit.
Of course, you want this night to be special, but still you shouldn’t place too much hope on it.
Nowadays, many couples begin to live together long before the wedding, so the first wedding night, according to the public, must necessarily become something that does not happen to you on weekdays.
But you don't have to go all out to enjoy this night. Seemingly insignificant little things can make it unforgettable.
We have prepared some tips on how to make your wedding night just like that.
1
Recreate your first time
Many women consider the first sexual experience with a partner to be the most amazing.
Or you can simply write down on paper the most exciting details, your feelings from that night and read them out loud to your loved one.
Since the first wedding night for most couples is not the first at all, try to remember that very night in detail and recreate some of them.
FOR EXAMPLE , put in the background the same music that was playing then, or use the same perfume.
12
First wedding night in ancient times
In different countries and in different centuries, the first night after the wedding passed differently. Much depended on the customs, beliefs and way of life of the people or tribe. Until now, in remote corners of the Earth, local tribes observe the most incredible rituals. Thus, among some African peoples, the elder women of the tribe may be present at the sacrament of consolidation of marriage bonds, or the bride is supposed to resist with all her might, as if she were being attacked by a rapist. But today we will take a closer look at the customs of Medieval Europe and Ancient Rus'.
Wedding night in the Middle Ages
For hundreds of years, starting with the slave system, the master had the right to lie with the young bride on the marital bed instead of the legal husband. A custom that was wild for us was perceived as something ordinary. The peasant could try to ransom his bride by giving the lord something valuable, money or food. In most cases, the gentlemen willingly accepted this “tax on the deprivation of innocence.” But there was a possibility that the price would be prohibitive, especially if the girl was distinguished by beauty or the lord wanted to show his presumptuous subordinate his place. In France, nobles traded their rights by offering girls to the highest bidder. In different centuries, this custom was either prohibited or allowed again.
In the Scandinavian countries, on their wedding night, the clergyman took the girl into the depths of the forest. There he lit a fire and sacrificed the animal, after which he returned the girl to her husband. It was believed that the ritual would give the young wife numerous, strong sons.
And in Scotland, guests tried with all their might to prevent the sacrament of intercourse between the newlyweds, they delayed them on the way to the room, made noise and made jokes under the windows.
And in the Philippines, on this night after the wedding, the newlyweds were forbidden to have sex. And this ban is not out of nowhere: when drinking alcohol at a wedding, there is a high risk of conceiving a sick child.
The first night after the wedding in Rus'
In Rus', great importance was attached to the first wedding night. The formation of a new family was accompanied by many beautiful rituals and sacraments that had a deep sacred meaning.
Before the advent of Christianity in Rus', morals were freer. A girl could be sexually active before marriage and even give birth to a child. Men, even if they had nothing to do with the conception of the child, willingly took such girls as wives. After all, her fertility was proven by the birth of a healthy baby. And it was not customary for children in the family to be divided into their own and those of others. He who educates is the father. Moreover, there was a custom when a close relative, most often a brother, married the wife of the deceased and took custody of their children.
With the baptism of Rus', the bride's virginity was placed on a pedestal. A virgin who had lost her, even as a result of violence, was no longer “pure”; she was declared fallen, accessible. From the point of view of the Church, only a legal husband had the right to transfer a girl to the status of a married woman through intercourse. However, everything is not so simple. In Rus' and, later, in the Russian Empire, there were slaves and serfs who had no rights. And taking the girl you liked to your bed was taken for granted. Everything depended on the master’s conscience and principles.
Weddings were celebrated mainly in the fall, when the harvest was harvested and the bins were full. But not during Lent or on church holidays. After the wedding, the young spouses came to the house of the husband or his parents, where they were to live in the future. And they retired to a cold room (bathhouse, barn, basement).
The bride's dowry was laid on the marriage bed - mattresses or feather beds, pillows, bed linen, blankets. Wishing the young couple strong and numerous offspring, they surrounded the bed with filled ears of corn, tied into sheaves, and sacks of flour. Before the young man lay down on a prepared bed, he was beaten three times with a whip to drive away all evil forces. How was your first wedding night after the wedding?
- A day before the “hour X”, the bride began to prepare for the significant event. She underwent numerous rituals designed to cleanse her of evil spirits and bestow fertility and happiness in family life. In addition, songs were sung in which the girl said goodbye to her previous life, her family. During all this time, she fasted, as it was believed that it was easier to get pregnant on an empty stomach.
- The newlyweds were escorted to the room cheerfully, in a crowd, and remained under the doors and windows until the morning in order to drive away evil forces from the newlyweds’ bedroom.
- In the bedroom, the newlyweds had a late dinner, consisting of poultry and bread, so that the offspring would be strong and numerous.
- The girl had to take off her husband’s shoes and wash his feet, like a submissive and faithful wife.
- The next morning, bloody sheets or a shirt were solemnly shown to all honest people. Some ethnic groups even hung proof of the bride's virginity on a gate or a high pole, like a banner. A girl who did not retain her virginity before marriage was considered defamed, and she could well be returned to the clan in disgrace.
If everything went well, the young wife was presented with gifts and finally accepted into her husband’s family, and the guests rejoiced wildly.
How is the first wedding night celebrated in different nations of the world?
Rwanda: in the Bahutu tribe
Anything can happen on the path to family happiness. For example, in the Bahutu tribe, newlyweds are required to beat each other before their wedding night. At the same time, the wife must strike her husband with everything that comes to hand, after which the young woman, with a sense of fulfilled duty, goes to her father’s house. And this continues for a whole week, at the end of which the act of love occurs. According to this custom, spouses pour out all their emotions on each other, and then live happily ever after.
North Africa: inviting tutors
Berbers are the general name for the indigenous inhabitants of North Africa who converted to Islam in the 7th century, from the western borders of Egypt in the east to the Atlantic Ocean in the west and from the Niger River in the south to the Mediterranean Sea in the north. The bride and groom from the Berber tribes are never alone immediately after the wedding. Their wedding night is a collective one. In the large bedroom, the newlyweds are joined by several married couples. And the experienced pass on their experience to the young and help the young get rid of embarrassment. This event lasts up to five days.
Philippines: no sex
Newlyweds in the Philippines are essentially deprived of their wedding night: they will, of course, be allowed to sleep, but no more! Guests and relatives are vigilant to ensure that the newlyweds do not remain alone, and there is a reason for this: in this way they try to avoid conception while intoxicated.
Mauritania: thinness is regarded as ugliness
As you know, most brides dream of losing extra pounds before their wedding. But in Mauritania, thinness is regarded as ugliness, and therefore, from the age of 9, young representatives of the fair sex begin to be fattened for weddings. On a day, a girl can eat up to two kilograms of millet porridge and drink about twenty liters of camel milk. There is also a custom to “fatten” the bride immediately before the wedding - the girl spends several months in a special hut with virtually no movement, eating hearty meals.
Rwanda and Kenya: mother-in-law under the bed
Sacred sacraments
In ancient times, the wedding ceremony and the first night of marriage were of greater importance. This action symbolized the transition from one life to another, akin to death and birth. At this moment, the foundation of the future family is laid, and the girl figuratively “dies” in the house of her mother and father and is reborn in the house of her husband.
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Why they shout “Bitter” at a wedding: the history of the origin of the tradition
Immediately after the ceremony, the spouses went to the house of the husband's parents. The bed was prepared like this: sacks of flour and grain (a symbol of future wealth) were placed on a flooring made of boards, and pillows and mattresses were placed on top. The sheet was embroidered with special patterns. A poker or log was placed under the bed. All these elements carried their sacred meaning, providing young people with health, wealth and happiness in the future.
The spouses were locked alone in the room. A guard was left at the door to guard the peace of the young people.
Left alone, the newlyweds ate chicken and bread together. This action was also part of the marriage ritual. In Ancient Rus', a patriarchal system reigned; the wife was subordinate to her husband in everything. To go to bed, she had to take off her husband's shoes and ask his permission.
#7 Talk before it happens
Sometimes there is such a worry that if you intend to wait, you are always over the precipice of casual sex if you mention the word "sex" or kiss someone too roughly, or who knows what else. But starting a conversation about sex is important. Yes, yes, you will do this for the first time on your wedding night (or the next day if you're really tired), but this shouldn't be the first time you start communicating about it. Talk about things related to sexual intercourse. Start discussing sex now.
“I had always planned to wait until marriage, so sex and our expectations around it was actually something we had talked about before and discussed often in our relationship. All these boundaries, what we will or won't do, are all good practice for future conversations after marriage about meeting each other's needs, frequency, what we like, etc. We talked a lot more about sex and intimate things during the engagement period, and it was also part of our premarital counseling, which was helpful.”
“We took the 'Hermione approach' to the problem - we went to the library and the Internet and read about it. So we found a book that explained the anatomical process and common problems, but in more detail than ever before, and read it together. One thing the book talked about was that the first time can be painful for a woman, and therefore, she needs to keep in mind that her pain is the last thing her husband wants. Keeping this in mind can help you mentally help make sex more relaxing.”
Modern traditions of the first wedding night
In many ways, the mentality of modern newlyweds was influenced by Hollywood films and their famous cliches, which for decades created the image of the “ideal wedding night.” Any bride will confidently say how this should happen, since she already has a ready-made scenario in her head, and the groom, brought up on the same stereotypes, will fully support her. So, how should your ideal wedding night go?
- The first wedding night entirely determines how pleasant or unpleasant your future sexual life will be. Therefore, it is simply vital to provide ideal conditions and romance. (Although, in fact, a lot depends on the mutual feelings of the spouses and their desire to get to know each other in bed, and this process stretches out for many months, if not years).
- Explicitly sexy lingerie for the bride and groom is a must. (In reality, after a hard day, the newlyweds care less about what kind of rags they are wearing).
- Silk bed linen is laid out. (Which slides so that the newlyweds risk ending up on the floor in the midst of the ceremony).
- You need to rent a room in a luxury hotel and reinforce your feelings with champagne, a bath with rose petals (or petals scattered on the bed, floor), bouquets or garlands of flowers, candles and an indispensable gift for the bride.
- You need to light scented candles, or put on air scenters, with something exciting and passionate, and turn on romantic music.
- Comment on all your and your partner’s actions, without stopping for a minute.
In principle, the action program is not bad. There is a lot you can take into account when developing your scenario for the first night with your loved one. But, at the same time, it is worth taking into account the tastes and character of both newlyweds, the presence or absence of allergies to any odors or pollen.
